Seeking advice - confronting fears

PilotSimone · 10-11-2009, 12:22 AM

Since I can remember (age 4-5) I have been afraid. Of what, I’m not entirely sure. Darkness and or isolation triggering fears I can only describe as an expectation that I’m going to be severely traumatized and/or eventually killed. No memories of anything that may have caused it. Nothing.

Throughout grade school the fear was lessened by sleeping with all of my bedroom lights on. At age 11, however, all hell broke loose for me mentally.

I can pinpoint the night it happened because I remember listening to the “Top 9 at 9” on our local radio station. "Thriller" hit #1 and my emotional life fell apart. What followed was an insane case of insomnia and emotionally-induced hives. I lived on 2-3 hours of sleep a night for more than a year.

The insomnia came from this awful feeling I’ve never been able to describe. Still after 37 years I find it hard to verbalize. Knowing I was the only person awake in our house each night would throw me into a tailspin. I would cry and beg my parents not to go to bed. Not to leave me alone and awake. In addition, every single emotion which progressed above or below neutral (ie. excitement or anxiety) brought hives that would cover me from head to toe.

Family and individual counseling gave me no relief. Despite sitting through several sessions, I never spoke. I already knew he couldn’t help me. To get through the school day, I was popping anti-anxiety pills between most classes. This would help keep the hives at bay.

Eventually the insomnia and hives left me and I’ve never looked back…until now.

To this point I have kept myself away from the triggers…dark places and isolation. The cause of my fear is still unknown.
I am seeking advice on how to progress from here. Not only for myself, but for my youngest son who has been following this same path for almost 2 years now. Since age 5 he has expressed to me this terror that he feels at night, but doesn’t know why it’s there. He feels a threat to his life each and every night. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces that I can’t protect him from this.

Any insight or guidance offered is so appreciated.

10-11-2009, 12:22 AM	#1
PilotSimone Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: US Posts: 114	Seeking advice - confronting fears Since I can remember (age 4-5) I have been afraid. Of what, I’m not entirely sure. Darkness and or isolation triggering fears I can only describe as an expectation that I’m going to be severely traumatized and/or eventually killed. No memories of anything that may have caused it. Nothing. Throughout grade school the fear was lessened by sleeping with all of my bedroom lights on. At age 11, however, all hell broke loose for me mentally. I can pinpoint the night it happened because I remember listening to the “Top 9 at 9” on our local radio station. "Thriller" hit #1 and my emotional life fell apart. What followed was an insane case of insomnia and emotionally-induced hives. I lived on 2-3 hours of sleep a night for more than a year. The insomnia came from this awful feeling I’ve never been able to describe. Still after 37 years I find it hard to verbalize. Knowing I was the only person awake in our house each night would throw me into a tailspin. I would cry and beg my parents not to go to bed. Not to leave me alone and awake. In addition, every single emotion which progressed above or below neutral (ie. excitement or anxiety) brought hives that would cover me from head to toe. Family and individual counseling gave me no relief. Despite sitting through several sessions, I never spoke. I already knew he couldn’t help me. To get through the school day, I was popping anti-anxiety pills between most classes. This would help keep the hives at bay. Eventually the insomnia and hives left me and I’ve never looked back…until now. To this point I have kept myself away from the triggers…dark places and isolation. The cause of my fear is still unknown. I am seeking advice on how to progress from here. Not only for myself, but for my youngest son who has been following this same path for almost 2 years now. Since age 5 he has expressed to me this terror that he feels at night, but doesn’t know why it’s there. He feels a threat to his life each and every night. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces that I can’t protect him from this. Any insight or guidance offered is so appreciated. Last edited by PilotSimone; 10-11-2009 at 12:26 AM.