Seeking spiritual guidance/advice from an enlightened or psychic female perspective

[redtailhawk]

Hi MD3inAustin,

It could be that you are in her life to help wake her up. In my experience as a woman, that has been part of the role I have played for men. Mostly, I find myself in relationships with men who are partially awake, as this is what attracts us....Asleep people often times don't want to wake up. They are so programmed by propaganda, what others think, and what is the "norm", that they will rebel against enlightenment. I had a situation with a male cousin of mine, who was staying in my home for a couple of months, a few months ago. He is an educated man, but man is he under mind control. He watches TV all the time, parroting a lot of the "news", when I would share some of my views with him, he would become at times combative, and call me an "extremist". It became really freaky when he would react so aggressively, yet not even review the material I was sharing with him. He ended up leaving as we could not have conversations without getting into conflict because our worldviews were so different. We haven't spoken since.
With regards to romantic relationships it is much more important that 2 people share common and like minded views when it comes to their perspective on reality. Of course, no 2 people are exactly on the same page, which is cool, but they must be open and respectful, and choose to want to learn where the other person may be coming from. Currently, I am single having ended a relationship recently because of this very issue. I hope for the sake of your marriage that she will come around and explore these new paradigms with you, because I know how painful it is to be in a relationship where there is not that connections and mutual resonance. It is all about that ultimately, the energy and vibration you two create together....it leads to a powerful bond, or a powerful repulsion....the choice is yours that you co-create together.....or not.

[md3inaustin]

Hahaha, Thank You so much, lindabaker, THE eXchanger, redtailhawk!!! Now this was exactly what I needed and apparently my subconscious has been tryin to dig out for the past 3 weeks...hell, longer, but recently it's come back very distractingly strong. I ment no offense by my initial laugh, it was due to only just reading all 3 of your last responses - I had written up a completely different response to greybeard & gita (thank you both!). Keep the feedback coming, I'm typing up a separate response for these last 3 responses but I wanted to point out their accuracy of hitting on the root of where I was attempting to come from/go.

Thank You!! .........cont.

[mudra]

Relationships True Love and the Transcendence of Duality

by Eckhart TolleAn Interview with Eckhart Tolle By Kim Eng

During my travels, one of the most frequently asked question is "What is it like to be in relationship with an enlightened being?" Why this question? Perhaps they have the idea or image of an ideal relationship, and want to know more about it. Perhaps their mind wants to project itself to a future time when they, too, will be in an ideal relationship and find themselves through it.

What is it like to be in relationship with an enlightened being?

As long as I have the idea in my head "I have a relationship" or "I am in a relationship," no matter with whom, I suffer. This I have learnt.

With the concept of "relationship" come expectations, memories of past relationships, and further personally and culturally conditioned mental concepts of what a "relationship" should be like. Then I would try to make reality conform to these concepts. And it never does. And again I suffer. The fact of the matter is: there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating.

How we relate, or rather how well we love, depends on how empty we are of ideas, concepts, expectations.

Recently, I asked Eckhart to say a few words on the ego’s search for "love relationships." Our conversation quickly went deeper to touch upon some of the most profound aspects of human existence. Here’s what he said:

ET: What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for "I love you" and "I want you." To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of "not enough," of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.

When the ego singles something out and says "I love" this or that, it’s an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special – who you thought would ultimately "save you." Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn’t realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn’t realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being - not being at one with yourself.

The object of love is interchangeable, as interchangeable as the object of egoic wanting. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love and out of love many times. They love a person for a while until it doesn’t work anymore, because no person can permanently cover up that pain.

Read full article here:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Tolle3.html

Love Always
mudra

[Gnosis5]

Are the bills getting paid? Is the trash getting taken out? What are her favorite leisure-time things to do? Does she have girlfriends and a separate social life?

[Gnosis5]

The more I wake up the more people think I am dull and lifeless :-)

[Myplanet2]

This is such a common situation right now, all across the planet.

Another great teacher has actually created a free webinar series devoted to just this subject. Relationships during this shift. He'll discuss the specific issues and the solutions. I love his simple and gentle style, and great wisdom. And it's free.

They start this thursday and he has them twice a day. 4 pm and 7pm pst. the later is a repeat of the earlier, more or less, except they are both live and you can call in and talk live too. Great fun.

Jim Self.

http://www.masteringalchemy.com/

[THE eXchanger]

staying single, has a lot of advantages
right now, if i wanted to sell my house/and, i have a spouse
i might NOT be able to sell it

also, i do NOT have to consider anyone else's feelings/or thoughts
in making my own decisions

yes, actually, i think i know why i stayed single !!!

other people, can really clutter up/and, mess up your life

having an anchor around your neck / or having the smallest handcuff in the world on your finger,
might NOT be pleasant

[futureyes]

hello md3inaustin ...
not so sure about enlightened but i am female and have experience with this scenario ...
allow your own truth to continuously grow ... even if you attempted to shut that part of you down at this point ... i feel would be pointless ... once awake ... you cannot go back ... there isn't anywhere to go back to is there ...
your wife ... be there for her ... as you are ... allow her the space ... for her own truth to unfold as it is meant to ... when it is meant to ...
something you either say or something she hears elsewhere ... may trigger the beginning of her awakening ... it could occur anytime ...
in the interim ... you will feel the gap ... perhaps even widening ... from where the two of you are with this ...
can the two of you just be ... and allow ... without expectation ... it is our expectation of each other that becomes our wedge ... can you co-exist without this wedge of expectation ...
and if the gap widens ... to a point whereby this factor ... seeps within many aspects of your relationship ... creating many wedges ... the outcome of which the energy between you is no longer light ... the connection becoming with much effort ...
then you will know ... within your heart ... that it is time to walk different paths ... and if felt within your heart ... you will know it will be for the benefit of both ...
and you will know ... if all true and pure attempts to allow each other to be your selves ... have been exhausted ...
then you will know ... it isn't just about your self and where you feel you are headed to ... but also ... you will feel ... you need to allow the other ... to also be where they need to be ... in order for their selves to grow ... but differently than you do ...
and that it is ok ...
allow each other the space ... to be who you are ... and whatever is meant to be ... between you ... will be ...
and to trust it is so ...

blessings to both of you md3inaustin ...
all will be well ...

just be ... no expectations ok

one of my favourite poems ...


love one another,
but make not a bond of love,
let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls

sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
as the strings of a flute are alone
though they quiver with the same music

stand together yet not too near together,
for the pillars of the temple stand apart,
and the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow
kahlil gibran

can we allow ... without expectation ...

[Myplanet2]

Originally Posted by THE eXchanger

staying single, has a lot of advantages
right now, if i wanted to sell my house/and, i have a spouse
i might NOT be able to sell it

also, i do NOT have to consider anyone else's feelings/or thoughts
in making my own decisions

yes, actually, i think i know why i stayed single !!!

other people, can really clutter up/and, mess up your life

having an anchor around your neck / or having the smallest handcuff in the world on your finger,
might NOT be pleasant

Not going for the ball and chain look, eh?

[Gnosis5]

Originally Posted by Myplanet2

This is such a common situation right now, all across the planet.

Another great teacher has actually created a free webinar series devoted to just this subject. Relationships during this shift. He'll discuss the specific issues and the solutions. I love his simple and gentle style, and great wisdom. And it's free.

They start this thursday and he has them twice a day. 4 pm and 7pm pst. the later is a repeat of the earlier, more or less, except they are both live and you can call in and talk live too. Great fun.

Jim Self.

http://www.masteringalchemy.com/

Yes, I plan to tune in and the direct link is here: http://www.masteringalchemy.com/teleclasses.html

Even though hubby is transferred out for the next 6 months, it gives me time to further process out any "negative stickies" that comprise any residual games conditions. Because, it takes two to hold each other in bondage :-)

I don't think it was an accident that he got transferred out for the next few months. However, from the viewpoint of the All-that-is, all is very well :-)

[Shaynard]

Originally Posted by Myplanet2

This is such a common situation right now, all across the planet.

Another great teacher has actually created a free webinar series devoted to just this subject. Relationships during this shift. He'll discuss the specific issues and the solutions. I love his simple and gentle style, and great wisdom. And it's free.

They start this thursday and he has them twice a day. 4 pm and 7pm pst. the later is a repeat of the earlier, more or less, except they are both live and you can call in and talk live too. Great fun.

Jim Self.

http://www.masteringalchemy.com/

Thank you for this info.

It can be difficult to maintain compassion for some we are in different types of relationships with while everyone is going "through this". I feel very much like the OP, with a few differences.

I believed I would be totally content living with others who are not completely connected to themselves. It has been far more difficult than i thought it would, but I have enjoyed the challenge. What keeps me centered is forgiving these people as quickly as I can when i feel negative feelings building. That said, regardless of any level of understanding one may have, it is VERY difficult to endure, and make choices that are best for you.

Best of luck finding the needed help md3inaustin.. If you do want another male perspective at any time I would be happy to share experiences with you further.

There seems to be plenty of help here regardless.

In light, of love
Shaynard

[Kulapops]

There's some confusion as to whether I'm a woman or not.. so I'll post here if I may.

I thought Redtailhawks comment enlightening. They have to want to at least understand your perspective.

I think it's a base rule of unconditional love for someone that you care about them and want to understand who they are and support who that is. (one day we'll feel this way about everyone but until then, we hope that our beloved at least will feel this way about us.) For better or worse.

But then you have karma...and life being a learning experience. So if you're not in that lovey-dovey situation, then it's a case of working out your life's learning in the relationship you're in (Remember, anything we accuse another of is a latent 'fault' of our own. That's a real b***ch that idea ) - or of leaving. But leaving without resolution ultimately suggests you'll just walk into the same situation again in another guise.

To take her side for a moment, and my own feelings about what I learned in the last 8 years or so - We don't really know that ANY of it is true. Do we? And even if it was, a quantum functioning universe could change that all on a pin...to have never been true.

I'd be the first one to say that your relationship with yourself and your wife is FAR more important to this world (and to me for that matter), than any FEMA-illuminati-alien-reptile-underground-base agenda.

Armageddon will happen or it won't. (Armageddon used to the idea )

We can't possibly follow all the ins and outs 24/7, so she's right to be concerned if it's taking over your life.

I really hope you find some answers to your relationship. Relationship is where it's all headed. There are some great people here. I feel the love enfolding you already.

Best wishes

K

[burgundia]

make a decision that will make you happy, do not waste your time. Try to do your best to stay in the relationship but do not hold onto it desperately if it isn't working. A similar thing is happening now between me and some of my friends. I have not much to talk about with them. So we see each other less often. Our relationship is still cordial but I have no need to be around them and probably they have no need to be around me. our world outlook is so much different, even if what we are learning here is not 100% true. In order to find a common ground in our talks I have to go back, as if , to the past... I am not saying that they do not want to listen to me, at times they do, but it is too much for them to comprehend. the only person awake that I know is my sister, whose husband is not awake. fortunately she has a friend to whom she can talk and be understood.
Finding someone who is awake, in real life, is very hard...Most of us here are alone in this journey.

[Christo888]

Crazy position to be in.

'Should I stay or should I go now.'

Try a couple of different approaches with yourself...

Do you enjoy her company?

Can you spend long periods of time with her and participate in many different aspects of life without having to always have the conversation revert to waking up?

Is it your job to have to wake her up?

Can you enjoy your life for the rest of your life being with her just the way she is?

Can you enjoy every day the best way you can just the way you are?

As a person is she someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, or did you marry her because the embarrassment of backing out was worse? And if you were too embarrassed to back out, why would a relationship with another woman be any better or worse?????

And here's the million dollar question for the day... Why would being with an enlightened person make your life any better?

[burgundia]

Originally Posted by Christo888

And here's the million dollar question for the day... Why would being with an enlightened person make your life any better?

Will i get a million dollares if I can answer this question?
maybe it wouldn't make it better but there is a chance that it wouldn't make it worse...

[Christo888]

Originally Posted by burgundia

Will i get a million dollares if I can answer this question?
maybe it wouldn't make it better but there is a chance that it wouldn't make it worse...

I guess you have earned a million dollares... do you take telephone credit cards.

[whitefluffy]

dear just married,
right? ,
oh boy,
are you in for an awakening, and believe me it's a test!
Forget you own spiritual awakening, its kinda irrelevant, just another aspect of your relationship together.
If your're having trouble now, just wait til children come along, then you'll really see what your relationship is made of!
best of luck!
just make sure, if you decide to leave, do it b4 you decide to have babies together.

[Gnosis5]

Originally Posted by whitefluffy

dear just married,
right? ,
oh boy,
are you in for an awakening, and believe me it's a test!
Forget you own spiritual awakening, its kinda irrelevant, just another aspect of your relationship together.
If your're having trouble now, just wait til children come along, then you'll really see what your relationship is made of!
best of luck!
just make sure, if you decide to leave, do it b4 you decide to have babies together.

Ha, you are funny :-) No matter who you are married to he/she is going to come up in your clearing work/sessions until you arrive at your first split from the Tao. That could take months And even the Tao is perplexed I'm starting to think The Source/Tao has a "other half" issues too

[burgundia]

Originally Posted by Christo888

I guess you have earned a million dollares... do you take telephone credit cards.

I know that dollars is the correct spelling, but sometimes i just hit the wrong buttons....

[hollylindin]

Originally Posted by burgundia

Make a decision that will make you happy, do not waste your time. Try to do your best to stay in the relationship but do not hold onto it desperately if it isn't working.

I believe the number-one thing in life is to be true to one's self. If your relationship is causing negativity in your life, maybe it's best to move on. The things that are most important to you are most important to you - there's no changing that. And if being with a specific person (in any kind of relationship.) is deterring you from your life's path, my personal thought is that that tie must be severed.

Keep in mind, though, I don't recommend you get a divorce - UNLESS you want that. Unless you can sincerely say it will better your life or alleviate all these stresses you're having - then do so. Have you tried sitting down with her and expressing your concern? Really, truly explaining to her that you've been feeling that perhaps breaking up WOULD be the best way to go? Maybe she needs a little "shock" to actually open her ears and listen to what it is you're going through.

I can relate, as I've always been quite awake, but the last almost-two years have been the REAL awakening for me. My partner is a little awake and has watched interviews with me and always hears the radio interviews when I'm listening, but he doesn't go outta his way to delve into it himself (although he DOES talk about this stuff with a guy he works with). We talk about these things, but he's NOWHERE near as passionate about it as I am. We've come from different backgrounds, VERY different, where my freedoms were always "allowed" by my parents and my creativity and expression were embraced - and his parents quelled his creativity, expression, and freedom for favour of organized religion (and no, I have nothing positive to say about organized religion, so I won't start). I hafta remind myself of that - that he's my best friend and my life partner, and I KNOW that part of the reason I'm here this time is to help him (and those around me).

The great difference is, my partner is willing to listen to me when I explain what a whistleblower said or pass on fascinating information I got from an article while he'd been at work - it doesn't sound like your wife is willing to even listen to you! Maybe she's scared, maybe she doesn't care, maybe she doesn't agree with it or is against it, but you're her HUSBAND - I'm sure she tells you things you couldn't care less about, but you probably listen and show respect. I usually find those who cannot show respect for others haven't much of it for themselves.

Look, I'm not trying to go outta my way to say mean things about your wife - I'm just frustrated with those who are paired up with her, you know? Asleep, scared, concentrating on things that don't matter. (And I LOVE "Project Runway" , but I also read, watch, and listen like crazy when it comes to things on this forum and others alike, so the "Project Runway"'s of this world are nowhere near brainwashing me or dumbing me down.) They WILL wake up, though, but it's up to you to figure out if it's meant to be part of your life's work to wake her up. I realize it's hard sometimes - really, really hard - but is it all worth it?

I realize I may not be helping, but I hope SOMEthing resonated with you. I send you a ton of love, and I will pray that you find the answers you're searching for.

<3

[futureyes]

this has been on my brain for days now ... because i've lived it ...
and as such ... what to offer others ... in similar scenarios ...

one thing ... of greatest significance ... we MUST be true to our selves ...
if ever there was a time ... it is now ... that however we maintain our truth ... is how it is meant to be ...

through joy and through sorrow ... matters not what life brings before us ... we must continue to follow our hearts ...
be true ... be real ...

i feel ... gone are those days when we can compromise ... who we are ... and where we are meant to be ...

feels like ... time implodes so rapidly now ... we will continue to walk our paths ... hand in hand with some ... and others ... will branch off onto their own paths ... for their learning ... will be different ... and that is ok ...

and the ones whom remain walking with us ... and new hearts we meet upon our journeys ... either way ... are meant to be ...

time changes ... people change ... time changes people ...

moving forward ... should be as effortless as possible ...

most significant ... be true to ourselves ... follow our hearts ...

when time no longer exists as it does now ... what will we be left with ...

our true selves ...

[Sarahmay]

What you should keep in mind is that she will most likely never change her position. Okay, she MIGHT, but if so it will be on her terms and you cannot count on that.

So, if she never changes, can you live with that/her? Will it stifle your growth to the point of paralysis or suffocation, or do you have enough freedom to pursue your interests at will?

Also, is she someone you would want as your partner if things were to go downhill in an economic or ecological disaster?

You are not here to wake anybody else up, this is your journey.

[NancyV]

I can see that you already know the answer to what would be the best thing to do about your marriage. Even when we know what is best to do we sometimes want some support and corroboration that it's okay to do what we think is the right thing. It's okay. There is no guilt in correcting a situation that is not working out. You can't even say it's a mistake, because undoubtedly you learned much from it and so will she. The truly kind thing to do would be to do the right thing for YOU. That will also be best for her.

Postponing what you know you must do is also okay, but will continue your frustration and probably increase your anger. It will also delay her from finding someone who has interests more similar to hers. If you want to get on with your life in the areas you are interested in and allow your wife to find someone more compatible for her, leave sooner rather than later. Certainly if you have a child it will influence your decision and you may stay because of that, which will complicate your life immensely.

Do not accept that there is anything wrong with failing to maintain a relationship. The most important thing in your life is for you to find happiness and fulfillment. If you are not happy you will not make your mate happy. So please reach your decision and do what you know is the correct thing for you, without guilt, without regret, knowing that you will both find another to love and enjoy.

Nancy

[TruthWillSetUFree]

.................

[md3inaustin]

Originally Posted by lindabaker

Set an example. Simply. No need for argument. Just my two cents. Linda

Originally Posted by THE eXchanger

sounds like, 2 months b4 the marriage, you knew

~is there a reason you went ahead with the wedding ?

Greybeard & Gita, thank you, your advice is very similar to what my close awakened friend has said.

But, Lindabaker & THE eXchanger, straight to the heart of the matter, the way I prefer communication --> I'm glad the "2 months before" was brought up, that has rarely been a response I've received but has gone through my mind often. At the time I had also just been fired from a job I had been at for 2yrs and was counting on for the wedding....job market wasn't good here in austin at the time. ..I was questioning my own sanity at the time because I was just learning about 9/11 being an inside job, The Franklin Credit Union Scandal, The Bush connections to JFK, the high profile individuals involved in satanism & ritual abuse, the connections of scientists like Jack Parson's & Oppenheimer, all at the same time. ...I could write a small encyclopedia with all of the information connecting now, but at the time I was kind of stunned and in a state of slight shock, and although I questioned whether I should continue forward at the time, I also told myself there was a reason I proposed in the first place and had willingly been involved in making it happen up until this point. I haven't forgotten that still. I also blamed it on pre-wedding jitters. ..I let it continue out of respect for her, and fear of retribution from both immediate families, didn't want to disappoint them and knew they would not understand, ..reasons and optimism that I would be able to change myself through self-work and set examples (Lindabaker). ......*sigh* , and not that I don't think that's still possible - I have in many small ways, usually easy simple obvious things like trying to move finances to small bank, shopping w/ the local farmers markets (multiples in austin), installing chlorine/fluoride house filters, purchased MMS book, supplement, and DVD, been using it for a year and helped cure multiple ailgments etc. ..even these types of subjects are met with strong resistance/ from all family and usually silence from my wife. She wants to watch cable TV Project Runway, Top Chef, or Intervention (ugh) or Cold Case Files, watch Inconvenient Truth, SiCkO, but none of the Project Camelot interviews, none of the Conscious Media Network interviews, nothing that has anything to do with the information I research no matter the subject matter of alt medicine, alt philosophies, alt sciences, science of consciousness, "hidden mysteries" - it came out in a discussion once as "accidentally" stemming from bundling all of my other research with the first thing I ever found, 9/11 being an inside job. But even after the realization that all of these subjects were being thrown into the same defensive filter, even after stating in the moment that she was interested in some of the other topics, it didn't change things, the subjects were never brought up again. ...felt like I was just being paid lip service.

At the same time, part of the reason her & I are at the place we are in now is because of decisions I too made along the way. Since we've been married, we bought our first house this past Sept '09. I resisted house hunting initially because, I must admit, I might have been listening to Jones too often and was not in the mood to trust a realtor or a mortgage broker, especially at the beginning of 2009 and the state all of the markets where in. ....So, that brought out the conversation "what are our goals for the immediate and long term future" ... that brought up a previously discussed point that after waking up, I no longer want to be just another sheep on the block, living the same life as the guy next door watching the TV all the time wondering who & when someone's going to save us all or insist we wear identification bracelets. I've known since I first woke up for the first time in my life that there was a reason I happened to be homeschooled and technology was 2nd nature to me, and that advantage could help me help thousands of people. That I could actually build a free energy device at such a cost it could be replicated by anyone, just to start with. ...but it seems impossible when your partner doesn't believe in you or see the point in trying to make that kind of difference, that it's even possible, or doesn't think humanity is worth it or even if they are, that's what reincarnation is for. ...to quote her, "it's all relative".

Having to spoon feed up-to-date alternative news & information while often getting rhetorication back, ..remembering that one of the main reasons (immature I admit, but I was 26 at the time) I sought this person out was because she was older than me, she had a very different upbringing and many more life experiences than I did, and I thought at the time that would be good for me, that I needed that widening of perspective...

Originally Posted by redtailhawk

Hi MD3inAustin,
but they must be open and respectful, and choose to want to learn where the other person may be coming from.

Thank you Redtailhawk, this is where my mind keeps going back to. Part of my depression & confusion & anger comes from the respect I lost for her.... .....the lack of inquisitiveness, and then the disrespect & cockiness - really, it was the lack of curiosity, the lack of questioning me, and the attitude she had of herself that even in the moment of stating she didn't want to hear it, she was still open-minded - it seemed so backwards, so hypocritical at such a shocking level that the more it happened the more insulting it felt to my own intelligence & sanity.

........

I think the BIG question lingering over my head boils down to do I stay with a person who in public is "supporting" my "research" but behind closed doors has more of a "put up with it" attitude or looks for opportunities to pull me away and would prefer me to wake up one morning having forgot the whole thing. ...When I feel inside that if I was by myself I could be a thousand times more active & effective & would be happy, fulfilled and complete by service to others even while being alone. ... ...yes, sad to say the ego or mental voice has been nearly yelling at me on & off for a year now to "Get Out!" , but with all the above said, in the end, I can't stand the thought of putting her through breaking-up, I care too much to know I caused her that kind of pain - she's had bat shjt crazy events happen to her in the past - which seems to reinforce her thought that even in my "crazy conspiracy'ness" that I'm still the only man in the world that will be good enough to or for her......I think she could find plenty of men that will care & treat for her the same way (I know many) based off the attributes, she notices. I think the only reason she hadn't before me is she has a poor technique or sensor, bad judge of male character. ...She probably would have never noticed me much less held her attention to me long enough had I not found her, approached her, and was persistant even after being ignored the 1st time.

...I guess I'm having a hard time understanding the point or value of maintaining a relationship if it's not a mutal partnership journey...? How can leading a double life of being the married family guy, and the other being a researcher activist inventor, be healthy on a physical, mental, or spiritual level? ...reminds me of what Tsarion says about man being the most self-sacrificial creature, I would make that sacrifice without a 2nd thought - if I knew it would accomplish positivity - but I'm not seein it...maybe I've tunneled my conscious awareness too much. ?


.......*sigh* ...i've rambled too much.....just going to post this and be quite for a while.

Thanks again gita, greybeard, lindabaker & THE eXchanger <-the exact depth in communication I've been trying to get at, mntruthseeker <- really helped humble & calm me, mudra <-helped me realize my need for personal realignment first, Gnosis5, Myplanet2 <- I've noticed the same increase in postings of this type in forums similar to this, futureyes & redtailhawk <- your words are the reinforcement I needed to confirm I'm not crazy but also need to practice more patience and stay internally balanced when attempting to decipher the situation and what I need to do.

Thank you all again, I have much to contemplate and then meditate on <--Thanks to The Genius Frequency & The Law of One for this understanding.

P.S. Is there any substance to the idea of trying to make direct communication with my higher self to seek advice in this area? And if so, what is the most effective technique?