Quotes and jokes!

[KassandraLoves]

mmmmm....burt muhfuggin reynolds. Thats the hotness right thurr. Check THIS one out too!!!!

I mean, Who DOESNT love puppies hangin out on their naked man parts!?!!?

[Antaletriangle]

The meeting of the ways.

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The B5056 walks into a bar and orders a beer and sits down alone,ten minutes later the A34 walks in and the B road pretends he doesn't see him a little afraid of a large A road walking in.
After 10 mins the A road and B road are laughing and joking and all tensions are eased-The A34 goes to the bar gets a round in and they continue their joking.
10 mins. later the M6 walks in,two hard shoulders and everything falls silent,M6 orders a whiskey and after feeling a little lonely,notices the two roads sitting on the other side of the boozer trying to avoid him.
M6 sidles over and asks to join them,at first it's all a bit of a nervous silence scenario,then after a few mins the M6 cracks a joke and they all settle down to share jokes about road works and suchlike.
After getting the round in the M6 drops the beers on the table and they resume their social time together.
The next minute the door swings open and a red piece of tarmac walks in-the A and b roead are laughing their heads off whilst the M6 shouts out "Be quiet!!".
The A and B road haven't a clue why the M6 is so distressed-he's the big guy;no-one bother the M6?!
the M6 says "Don't look over at him,we don't want him over here with us!"
"Why do you say that M6?".
The M6 replies, "that guys nuts,he's a cycle path!"
Lol.

[Oneness]

Well atleast it's a wee hair sexier than this guy...

Sweet Jesus.

[Oneness]

People are so awesome! What would we do with out each other?

[Oneness]

Showin the Love....

[Antaletriangle]

That's a great sense of humour!!Oneness.

[Oneness]

Originally Posted by Antaletriangle

That's a great sense of humour!!Oneness.

Thanks Anta...

You have no idea! I guess I see the connection in all of us. One. ..and appreciate every single individual one of us.

[Oneness]

Earth changes....

[Swanny]

[Oneness]

Lol!

[Antaletriangle]

[Antaletriangle]

EXERCISES FOR PEOPLE OVER 50 --- and good information for future use for those who have not yet reached the half century mark.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.


With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can.


Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you
can hold this position for just a bit longer.


After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb.
potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb
potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a
full minute. (I'm at this level)





After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

[Antaletriangle]

Light Hearted

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A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says the wife, "Who'd think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

Miraculously, a parking spot appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
JAMES BOND: MY HI TECHwatch can read your mind and tells me you aren't wearing panties.

woman: but i am wearing them

JAMES BOND: my watch is 15 minutes fast.


Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his old man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years."

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."

The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
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[capreycorn]

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what do these pakistani women know about Hitler?!? just cosplay?

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