Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

[aroundthetable]

Ok im gonna take a risk here and tell you straight how i feel, please dont take offence ( im sure you wont anyway)

So if your a hippy type or non consumer advocate ( i proudly espouse the same way of life - simple living) and so is your girlfriend, why on earth would you even consider going down such a conformist and cheesy route as the whole ring and cruise route. Myself and my own partner believe genuinely in the fallacy of consumerism, in buying things we dont really need - and we mean it 100%. Our life is so full of love and respect towards each other and everyday is full of romance and laughter and talking and cooking etc etc etc. If i bought her a diamond ring and two cruise tickets she would look at me like i was suddenly a complete stranger, that everything she thought i was, was fake.

Of course, many people say one thing and do another and there's always a so called good reason, if you are both actually that way then go ahead, if not then why do it?

I think your more creative than that.

Sorry i went off a bit, i really wish you both well in your journey together.

Maybe first start another thread for suggestions of alternative ways to the bog standard. Ever heard of blood diamonds?

Boy oh boy tis is one post that keeps saying as i type DONT PRESS SUBMIT!!!!


anyhoo, you did ask

[Church]

No offense taken, mainly because of your willingness to include this little gem:

Originally Posted by aroundthetable

Boy oh boy tis is one post that keeps saying as i type DONT PRESS SUBMIT!!!!

I appreciate your candor, and that made me laugh, so bless you!!

Now to respond to your post, I can only assume that you didn't read my little "addendum" post halfway down page 1 where I addressed this, and truthfully, I don't blame you. I should probably re-edit my first post. But anyway, the deal is quite simply, my father just retired from his 40 year job, and as a treat to himself, he wanted to take all of his family on a cruise. It is his actual wish for all of us (his children and their significant others) to accompany him on this vacation. That is the only reason I will be on this cruise. My dad is NOT against consumerism and materialism. (Yet somehow he spawned me). So by going on this cruise, I am respecting my father's wishes.

As far as the ring goes, let's be fair, I never said I need to buy a diamond ring. In fact, that's why I'm here, posting this thread... to find out if it really matters whether the ring is a plastic lollipop ring, or if it's my nipple ring that I take off and slip over her finger, or if the ring really needs to be there at all? Heck, if it were up to me, I'd probably tattoo the ring right onto her finger. But it's not up to me. I'm concerned about what my Woman wants, or expects, regarding the engagement and/or ring. I truly, humbly, do not know a lot of times what to do when it comes to women, because, look, let's be honest here, men don't understand women a lot of the time! lol So basically, I just wanted to find out from other people, and specifically other women, what they think about this. I know that to many women a marriage proposal is a milestone event, and I want to do this right FOR HER BENEFIT, not necessarily mine.

Did that explain it? So in summary, I know that rings don't Matter (with a capital M) in the grand scheme of things, but in the small, personal, feminine side of things, don't they matter there?

[THE eXchanger]

Originally Posted by Church

If I do go down this route, should I at least put an "honorary" ring on her finger, for the symbolism and the ritual of it all? Like, something silly, but playful, like a plastic ring from a gumball machine?
Also, (God I know this makes me sound like a nerd, but I don't care!), what finger do I put the engagement ring on? It doesn't go on the ring finger, right, because that's where the actual wedding band goes?

An engagement ring, goes on the same finger,
as, the wedding band
left hand, beside, the little finger

it is also known,
as, the 'know thyself' finger
or, the "apollo" finger,
that finger, along with the mound just below it are ruled by the Sun,
so, that is why, some people call it Apollo.

i'd NOT think getting her a ring, from an gumball machine
is likely a very good idea,

although, a candy ring, could be fun
esp; if you put it on her,
and, then very slowly took your time
eating it~ as, you took breaks in between
to tell her, there was something
you wanted to talk to her about

[THE eXchanger]

does your dad or, your mum have their grandmother's engagement ring
perhaps, hanging around, collecting dust ???

(you might be surprised, what might happen
if you ask dear old mum/or dad, for their advise
on asking a girl to marry you)

[aroundthetable]

Originally Posted by Church

No offense taken, mainly because of your willingness to include this little gem:



I appreciate your candor, and that made me laugh, so bless you!!

Now to respond to your post, I can only assume that you didn't read my little "addendum" post halfway down page 1 where I addressed this, and truthfully, I don't blame you. I should probably re-edit my first post. But anyway, the deal is quite simply, my father just retired from his 40 year job, and as a treat to himself, he wanted to take all of his family on a cruise. It is his actual wish for all of us (his children and their significant others) to accompany him on this vacation. That is the only reason I will be on this cruise. My dad is NOT against consumerism and materialism. (Yet somehow he spawned me). So by going on this cruise, it is out of respect to my father.

Well in that case i say go for it and enjoy every minute my friend

[THE eXchanger]

can the ship's captain, marry people at sea ???

[lindabaker]

The ring goes on the left "ring" finger, whether it be engagement, wedding ring, or both together. (If your bride will be wearing both together, you first buy the engagement ring by itself, then add the wedding ring (which matches) during the ceremony. ) Now, that's in the US. I don't know about other lands...

I like the idea of mining for a natural gem yourself. Or, take your bride to be on an outdoor adventure and find it together...and keep it until later when you can put it into a marriage ring...one stone on a simple band, maybe?

In the meantime, wait until you have some cash flow considering all of those wedding plans...advice from an elder here.

Diamonds have become less sought after in the US. Brides are choosing sapphires, which can be superior stones, anyway, and just as durable. I recently got a wedding ring, with a yellow sapphire, and it's very beautiful and not as needlessly expensive as a diamond. Yeah, go mining, son.

Good luck.

[Christo888]

Well Mudra and eXchanger you two get a 'Golden Ring.'

[Church]

Who knows, maybe I'll unearth an ancient ring in the Mayan ruins I'll be visiting? If that happened, I would take it as a sign that my girlfriend is a reincarnated Mayan temple priestess, and that our marriage is ordained by the Mayan Calendar!

Thanks everyone. This thread has served to simultaneously fill my stomach with butterflies, while also assuring me that I'm making the right decision by popping the question.

I love Love!

[THE eXchanger]

my dad, and, my brother, became a lot closer,
when he (my brother) asked my dad,
for advise on how to ask a woman to marry him

~ i know my grandmother's old engagement ring is busy
collecting dust

~ you NEVER know, maybe there is an old family ring
just sitting idle ?

sometimes, making your parents,
part of your process, makes them feel good
that you respect them, enough to ask their opinions
(even, if secretly, you don't want to hear it)
it can bridge some old gaps, by asking

~ maybe he might have some 'fun' suggestions, on how to propose ???

at the kulkulkan pyramid, there is an amasing temple,
at the back of the property
it's the old iXchel temple

[Kulapops]

I think eXchanger is right about the captain having the power to marry you at sea too.

Anchors aweigh and Butterflies away then ! You can get married on the cruise!

What a lovely story. I wish you all the love and luck in the world church.

K

[mudra]

Originally Posted by Christo888

Well Mudra and eXchanger you two get a 'Golden Ring.'

Well thanks Christo on which finger should we wear it ?

Love from me
mudra

[Christo888]

Originally Posted by mudra

Well thanks Christo on which finger should we wear it ?

Love from me
mudra

This 'Ring' needs no fingers!!!!!!

It's a beaming Halo around your head!

[waitinginthewings]

There are different ways to cleanse jewelery. One way is to place it outside in the full sun for a day. (wash it first though) Another way is to place it in some sea salt (I use sea salt) make sure its covered in the salt in a glass bowl. Leave it there for a day or so. Then remove it. Then you can infuse it with your love vibration, by holding it between your hands for a few minutes, while you visualize all the love you can muster in the form of a pink energy penetrating the ring. Also, you can say a little prayer of your choice while holding the ring. Hope this helps. I always use the full sun, or if no sun available, I use the sea salt.

Another idea would be to do a surprise wedding on the cruise ship. Don't tell your parents until an hour beforehand. I love surprises like that. Removes all the preparatory stress.

[mudra]

Originally Posted by Christo888

This 'Ring' needs no fingers!!!!!!

It's a beaming Halo around your head!

In Lak' ech Christo

mudra

[whitefluffy]

Church,

My advice would be, dont spend any money unless you are sure she would love the ring, after all she's going to wear it. Maybe you might want to have something too? So i agree with the suggestion, propose first, ring later. Then you can go shopping/searching together. I too am not into endless, mindless consumerism, however i do have one gorgeous piece of jewellery, and that is my/our engagement ring. Going on the cruise will be the perfect time to propose as you have said, and you could probably arrange a beautiful romantic dinner to surprise her with, the proposal does not need to include a ring at the time.
It would be far better to decide on a ring together, which is what my husband and i did, 18 years ago. If money is a big problem, i would also suggest estate jewellery. i would imagine the quality would be better than many modern settings, bit like antique furniture. Alternatively, following the proposal, as you will be on a cruise, you may be able to find a ring at duty free prices.

One final piece of advice church, when you do propose, make sure you do it on bended knee and she'll remember it forever! oh and get to the church on time, lol!

Best wishes,
hope it all goes well

[xbusymom]

I am not materialistic either, and I still remember the proposal that my second husband made to me... and I loved the ring. It was a handmade large squiggle with a large quartz (fake diamond) on it. and since it was a one-of-a-kind ring, I ended up taking it off for the wedding ceremony- thus it became my wedding ring. (I still have it- in my jewelery storage box)... and what touched me the most was the love that came through - not the fashion of the ring.

[-Axiom-]

I didn't read the thread so this has probably already been covered.

Yes you should get her a nice ring, it doesn't have to be expensive but it should be something that will last a lifetime.

[futureyes]

congratulations church ...

i have been pondering on your dilemma ...

well ... if i was your gal ... i personally would not place significance on receiving an engagement ring from you at this current time ... keeping in mind and understanding finances as they are ...

rather ... what i would cherish ... are the moments which you ask me to become your life long partner ... it is the memory of this time ... that would remain with me forever to reflect back upon ...

i would value your creativeness ... much more than a diamond ... of how you would go about doing so ... and ESPECIALLY ... the words you spoke to me in your asking ...

words and actions stemming from your heart ... feeling them within mine ... gold and diamonds would not come close ...

if finances improve for the two of you in a year ... then perhaps a ring is to be sought after at that time ... perhaps on your first year anniversary ... if that is what she wants and it then becomes more affordable ...

but you are not marrying me ...
yet these are my own thoughts ...
so as long as whatever you did ... came from your heart in asking me ... there would be no greater honour than to say yes ...

surprise her ... that'd be nice ...
the gumball ring ...
creativeness ...
from your heart ...

whatever you do ... she will love you ... because ... you are you ...

[futureyes]

Originally Posted by Ross H

How lovely that you want to get this right...just that alone says volumes.

Remember where diamonds come from, or rather how they are got!

Be careful...energy!

Im in OZ, I would drive up to the 'gem' region and dig my own, then have it cut and set...bit like picking your own flowers...

Best of luck Church. oh and Im not a woman...as in advice...

Peace

ahh ... what an awesome idea ross h ... guess it resonated with me due to my appreciation of all stones/crystals/etc ...

if that were ever to happen for me ... that someone would have done something like this ... i'd probably faint ... then after i was scooped up and revived ... i'd say yes!

you're a gem ...

[THE eXchanger]

i knew, there were 'real' gems in oz,
but, i didn't know there were diamonds,
coming there, with a pick & my halo !!!

[THE eXchanger]

Originally Posted by futureyes

congratulations church ...
rather ... what i would cherish ... are the moments which you ask me to become your life long partner ... it is the memory of this time ... that would remain with me forever to reflect back upon ...

i would value your creativeness ... much more than a diamond ... of how you would go about doing so ... and ESPECIALLY ... the words you spoke to me in your asking ...

words and actions stemming from your heart ... feeling them within mine ... gold and diamonds would not come close ...

yup, i agree with this poster

be authentic, and, be real

do it with your 'whole' heart

[THE eXchanger]

Originally Posted by mudra

In Lak' ech Christo

mudra

words worth repeating

In Lak' ech Christo

[NancyV]

I agree with Exchanger about asking her first. Maybe she doesn't place much value on rings. My present husband and I went to a pawn shop and found very inexpensive gold rings for around $25 each, even though we had plenty of money, because neither of us cared much for rings. I don't think we wore them for long but we've lost them both some time in the last 15 years. We're still married but no rings.

I was married 3 times previously and each time I did not want an expensive ring, even when I married a multi millionaire once. I took him to a wholesale outlet and got a nice ring that was around $450, very cheap for his tastes. I care nothing about rings and never have. Maybe your future wife doesn't care much about rings. It would be good to find out what significance she places on them and what she thinks would be good to do since you can't afford an expensive ring. I also never had a desire for an engagement ring.

I'm sure that your marriage proposal will be so thrilling to her that a ring would be unimportant, and if she is non traditional it would be unnecessary. I wish you both a happy and wonderful marriage. I have certainly enjoyed all of mine, especially this present one!

Nancy

[Christo888]

Originally Posted by mudra

In Lak' ech Christo

mudra

Originally Posted by THE eXchanger

words worth repeating

In Lak' ech Christo

Woohoo... a 'Double Ring' ceremony.

You ladies are awesome.