Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

[AscendingStarseed]

It was so surreal...listening to Mike Malloy on the radio read the following letter written by Rush Limbaugh. I couldn't believe what I was hearing....but it sounds like he actually has a conscious that's been speaking back to him, telling him he's been a pathetic human being who has caused great harm to this country with his constant visceral hate, fear mongering and race baiting. Betcha it's not enough to get him to change his evil ways...


weird, think he's getting close to meeting his maker and is having regrets?!


I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore
by Rush Limbaugh
http://www.theonion.com/content/opin...nt_to_be_alive

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.


Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horse****. Complete and utter horse****.


I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.


The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, ****-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the **** am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the


Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?


What the **** is wrong with me?


I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.

See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive *****. JUST STOP ****ING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, co********* ****face."


What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I publicly compared the torture at Abu Ghraib to a fraternity prank, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pain pills, but my goddamn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Red Roof Inn with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.


But what can I say? I guess I'm just too much of a fat ****ing pussy to follow through.

You know what? I wish someone would just kill me. I'm serious. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Oh my God, how can you say such a thing? You can't print that in a newspaper!" But see, I don't care anymore. I've cried my tears. I've battled my demons, and I've lost. It's over. It's all over. The only thing left for me to do now is just go away. Have I even once contributed a single ounce of good to humanity? Put me out of my misery. I wouldn't make a fuss. I wouldn't even humiliate myself by saying goodbye. For the first time in my odious, pitiful life, I'd accept my fate with quiet dignity.


Then I wouldn't have to live with my wretched, wretched self. Oh, the release.

I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down some small-town Main Street in Nowheresville, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Rush Hudson Limbaugh, the most abominable lump of festering dog **** in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country."


Please forgive me, everyone. I am so sorry.

[THE eXchanger]

amasing a man like him, who has made millions

and, people like me, and, others just like me

with viable solutions, and, NO MONEY to get the information out there

it all ****ing sucks !!!

[THE eXchanger]

when are these fat cats, going to help, people like me/and, us ???

(they can send a donation to (workingwonders@aol.com)

we could put the interest only, on their money to 'good work' !!!

[joe2288]

Hmm. I think know that he has nothing to loose or believes he has nothing to

loose maybe he can turn to the light and sponsor new age ideas lol somebody

should write him. I feel bad though just shows you a person can have all

the money and fame and still live a unhappy life. I wonder what type of impact

we could put on the world if we had the funding and contacts to get our

information to the masses.

[carriblu]

i think this is a joke... an over exagerated fake apology

[clarkkent]

jeez guys, is everyone so gullible here? no wonder i hear a lot of poo repeated as fact. everyone please brush up on their discerning skills here, and do a little bit of digging before you spread something you havent researched.

the ONION is SATIRE.


-clark

[clarkkent]

this should be a wake up call to people who believe some of the s-h-i-t that is posted in this forum, and really any forum. your average joe regurgitates sensationalistic garbage and does zero fact checking or research.

sorry if this comes off as harsh but come on, wow.

[Karen]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

The Onion is an American news satire organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as an entertainment newspaper and website known as The A.V. Club. It claims a national print circulation of 690,000 and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between 18 and 44 years old.[2] Since 2007, the organization has been publishing satirical news videos online, as the "Onion News Network".[4]

The Onion's articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing on commonly used phrases, as in the headline, "Drugs Win Drug War."

A second part of the newspaper is a non-satirical entertainment section called The A.V. Club that features interviews and reviews of various newly released media, and other weekly features. The print edition also contains restaurant reviews and previews of upcoming live entertainment specific to cities where a print edition is published. The online incarnation of The A.V. Club has its own domain, includes its own regular features, A.V. Club blogs and reader forums, and presents itself as a separate entity from The Onion itself.

[clarkkent]

take the "parody" off the title , people should see the level of scrutiny the people who post here are using, both the poster and the responders did zero investigation.

its no wonder disinformation is so readily believed.

[joe2288]

Originally Posted by clarkkent

take the "parody" off the title , people should see the level of scrutiny the people who post here are using, both the poster and the responders did zero investigation.

its no wonder disinformation is so readily believed.

yea this is unfortunately true and there is allot of disinformation that sometimes

works its way in here sometimes it's obvious other times its not.

[AscendingStarseed]

Originally Posted by Karen

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

The Onion is an American news satire organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as an entertainment newspaper and website known as The A.V. Club. It claims a national print circulation of 690,000 and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between 18 and 44 years old.[2] Since 2007, the organization has been publishing satirical news videos online, as the "Onion News Network".[4]

The Onion's articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing on commonly used phrases, as in the headline, "Drugs Win Drug War."

A second part of the newspaper is a non-satirical entertainment section called The A.V. Club that features interviews and reviews of various newly released media, and other weekly features. The print edition also contains restaurant reviews and previews of upcoming live entertainment specific to cities where a print edition is published. The online incarnation of The A.V. Club has its own domain, includes its own regular features, A.V. Club blogs and reader forums, and presents itself as a separate entity from The Onion itself.

Thanks Karen, I wasn't familiar with the Onion....some of us have to learn the hard way!

No wonder it was so surreal...at first I thought someone at the station wrote it as a joke, did a google search pulled up the page with Rush's name and wooowooo! Figured he must've wrote it after a bottle of Jack Daniels and hit send before he could take it back!

[AscendingStarseed]

Originally Posted by clarkkent

this should be a wake up call to people who believe some of the s-h-i-t that is posted in this forum, and really any forum. your average joe regurgitates sensationalistic garbage and does zero fact checking or research.

sorry if this comes off as harsh but come on, wow.

oh kiss off....and don't take things so seriously! Hey I heard it on the radio from someone I trust to pass on legit news, the joke's on me...I'm not familiar with the Onion!

What were you're fooled too...did it bruise your ego? Chill bean....lighten up and have some fun.

I knew the letter was too good to be true...

[clarkkent]

Originally Posted by AscendingStarseed

oh kiss off....and don't take things so seriously! Hey I heard it on the radio from someone I trust to pass on legit news, the joke's on me...I'm not familiar with the Onion!

What were you're fooled too...did it bruise your ego? Chill bean....lighten up and have some fun.

I knew the letter was too good to be true...

im actually not going to lighten up, this is indicative of a serious problem of people regurgitating info and others reading it and doing the same.

granted, no its not a big deal in and of itself, but when i see this and how everyone started discussing this as fact including yourself AFTER the link to the onion being satire--it unnerved me that people do this and is indicative of the whole conspiracy world on the internet.

its just a small micro example of the macro problem and why 95% of people regurgitate the same grey/reptillian ****, the PTB dont have to work hard to misinform people because you readily do it yourself with zero fact checking and investigation. no wonder people love B and K's journalistic style of "if someone says it , its true" its because the bulk of you follow the same edict.

with this in mind logic would indicate about 95% of the conspiracy memes, and accepted truths are either much different or alltogther wrong, yet people (who are brainwashed by our culture to be non thinking repeaters anyway) will defend utter bull-s-h-i-t just because they "read" it or "heard" it.

i could come up with an elaborate scenario of D.U.M.Bs and my experience with other dimesnionals and if it was well written enough i bet the bulk of this forum would believe it, all i would have to do would be highly detailed and cough up some things ive read elswhere, and then suddenly everyone believes it and worse than that theyll spread the bulls-h-i-t that ive told them and then it spreads like wildfire.

your post is just a reminder for me that i shouldnt even be on these forums because the level of discernment is appallingly low.

-clark

[AscendingStarseed]

Originally Posted by clarkkent

your post is just a reminder for me that i shouldnt even be on these forums because the level of discernment is appallingly low.
-clark

No you shouldn't and you can take your attitude with you too...

You are not a very nice person, are you ClarkKent? You seem to think you a bit better than others, so go. You take your self and life way too seriously...or negatively. Not sure, and I don't really care... but I didn't deserve your attack.

Bye, bye...

[mkspllmn]

Originally Posted by clarkkent

your post is just a reminder for me that i shouldnt even be on these forums because the level of discernment is appallingly low.

-clark

Perhaps its time for you to ascend into heaven and then come back to us as Jesus. Humanity really needs to be saved right now and I think you are just the one to do it.

I'm starting an elect clark kent to be Jesus (Superman) campaign.

Personally I think The Hulk would be a good one to save the world but I think Ill write-in Hercules because I liked the cartoon when I was a kid.

[AscendingStarseed]

Originally Posted by mkspllmn

Perhaps its time for you to ascend into heaven and then come back to us as Jesus. Humanity really needs to be saved right now and I think you are just the one to do it.

I'm starting an elect clark kent to be Jesus (Superman) campaign.

Personally I think The Hulk would be a good one to save the world but I think Ill write-in Hercules because I liked the cartoon when I was a kid.

[sjkted]

Originally Posted by mkspllmn

Perhaps its time for you to ascend into heaven and then come back to us as Jesus. Humanity really needs to be saved right now and I think you are just the one to do it.

I'm starting an elect clark kent to be Jesus (Superman) campaign.

Personally I think The Hulk would be a good one to save the world but I think Ill write-in Hercules because I liked the cartoon when I was a kid.

I'm going to jump in here without judgment.

First of all, we're going to attract some agent provocateurs if we don't clean this up ourselves.

I've been bitten by some of these memes also. I think we all have. I do my research on all of these topics, but it's nearly impossible to be on the ball 100% of the time.

That said, we need to have a high bar of standard here. As it has been exposed, this topic obviously does not make the grade as it is a parody.

As I've heard Kerry say before quite a bit, as above, so below. The microcosm does represent the macrocosm. This is nearly 100% expressive of Camelot interviews. We have one person who unknowingly spreads some information. Then we begin the telephone game where one person spreads it to another and another until it seems like everyone is just a big mouth-breader.

This kind of cr** will be proliferated until someone raises their hand and calls bullsh**, but so many people will have already become emotionally invested in the story that they will fight even though they have no leg to stand on.

Let this thread stand here as an example to Avalon of how these things work. Let the people of Avalon see it in its light for what it is.

There are serious things going on in the world and we must be careful as to how we represent ourselves. When any of us speaks in the mainstream, we are already given the moniker of "crazy" or conspiracy theorist. If we are going to disseminate any message, it needs to be that of truth and for that very reason each of us must hold our contact to a much higher standard than we would when having a drink with some friends.

When I submit reports that I'm not sure about, I use language like "may be", "potentially", "as reported", etc. These are small things, but they make a huge difference. The difference being that of me saying I saw this happen, I witnessed it with my own eyes, I know it's real vs. I heard this report or this story and it seems compelling, but I really don't KNOW.

Let's stop the in-fighting and focus on some of the bigger issues that need attention.

--sjkted

[mkspllmn]

Originally Posted by clarkkent

im actually not going to lighten up, this is indicative of a serious problem of people regurgitating info and others reading it and doing the same.

granted, no its not a big deal in and of itself, but when i see this and how everyone started discussing this as fact including yourself AFTER the link to the onion being satire--it unnerved me that people do this and is indicative of the whole conspiracy world on the internet.

its just a small micro example of the macro problem and why 95% of people regurgitate the same grey/reptillian ****, the PTB dont have to work hard to misinform people because you readily do it yourself with zero fact checking and investigation. no wonder people love B and K's journalistic style of "if someone says it , its true" its because the bulk of you follow the same edict.

with this in mind logic would indicate about 95% of the conspiracy memes, and accepted truths are either much different or alltogther wrong, yet people (who are brainwashed by our culture to be non thinking repeaters anyway) will defend utter bull-s-h-i-t just because they "read" it or "heard" it.

i could come up with an elaborate scenario of D.U.M.Bs and my experience with other dimesnionals and if it was well written enough i bet the bulk of this forum would believe it, all i would have to do would be highly detailed and cough up some things ive read elswhere, and then suddenly everyone believes it and worse than that theyll spread the bulls-h-i-t that ive told them and then it spreads like wildfire.

your post is just a reminder for me that i shouldnt even be on these forums because the level of discernment is appallingly low.

-clark

Can you tell us what forums you are going to because I want to be on the right ones too! Please tell us because I want the high level of discernment that you possess and Im willing to do anything to get it.

[Karen]

OK, that's enough please. Respect each other is the number one forum guideline.

It would be great to have a way to teach people to be more discerning. It is one thing as we learn as we age - we make mistakes and learn from them.

Some also learn that being kind will get you a lot further than ridicule.

Once you've been exposed to a piece from The Onion - you see the tipoff on the next one is it's so over the top - your brain goes - what? Is this This Onion?

What are some other tips on being more discerning?

[mkspllmn]

The Onion is a great site!

I cant believe I got sucked into this thread like that even though it said "Parody" at the very beginning!.

I think one thing we (I) have to do is just simply pay attention.

[sjkted]

Originally Posted by mkspllmn

The Onion is a great site!

I cant believe I got sucked into this thread like that even though it said "Parody" at the very beginning!.

I think one thing we (I) have to do is just simply pay attention.

It didn't. I saw it too and the word Parody was somehow (?) added later.

--sjkted

[sjkted]

This is somehow turning out to be a worthwhile exercise. Everything is here to be seen, unlike who knows what happens with the Camelot hot air (I mean whistle) blowers.

First post was made at 4:15AM today.

At 4:45AM, Karen mentions the Onion is a site for parodies.

At 4:53AM, the original post is edited by Karen.

Karen: did you edit the title of the thread?

--sjkted

[Karen]

Originally Posted by sjkted

This is somehow turning out to be a worthwhile exercise. Everything is here to be seen, unlike who knows what happens with the Camelot hot air (I mean whistle) blowers.
First post was made at 4:15AM today.
At 4:45AM, Karen mentions the Onion is a site for parodies.
At 4:53AM, the original post is edited by Karen.
Karen: did you edit the title of the thread?

--sjkted

Yes, I did and I forgot to put the reason why the edit was done -
I was trying to get people to wake up to what was going on with that piece.

I come back and hour or two later and the whole deal has gone bonkers with people slinging insults at each other. Bill Ryan has given some input the last few weeks, to take this forum to a higher level, and we are going to see what we can roll out in the next few weeks, or who knows how long, it's really tough working with an all volunteer team.

What you do want the community of the future to look like? This thread?

[sjkted]

Originally Posted by Karen

Yes, I did and I forgot to put the reason why the edit was done -
I was trying to get people to wake up to what was going on with that piece.

I come back and hour or two later and the whole deal has gone bonkers with people slinging insults at each other. Bill Ryan has given some input the last few weeks, to take this forum to a higher level, and we are going to see what we can roll out in the next few weeks, or who knows how long, it's really tough working with an all volunteer team.

What do you want the community of the future to look like? This thread?

With all due respect, if Bill Ryan wants to take the forum to a higher level, he needs to give an adequate response to the Cliff High issue. There were some very real issues that have been brought up in respect to that that are reverberating around this forum and on the greater internet. I wrote him a very genuine response that I put quite a bit of thought into. I was respectful to him and I raised some important topics. Bill Ryan stopped responding on this forum shortly after I posted.

I realize he is likely very busy, but what I wrote and the comments from others were quite a bit more than fan mail. They deserve an adequate response, if Camelot and Avalon are to be taken seriously.

Quite frankly, this is not an edict that can be given from above. As above, so below.

--sjkted

[Karen]

Originally Posted by sjkted

With all due respect, if Bill Ryan wants to take the forum to a higher level, he needs to give an adequate response to the Cliff High issue. There were some very real issues that have been brought up in respect to that that are reverberating around this forum and on the greater internet. I wrote him a very genuine response that I put quite a bit of thought into. I was respectful to him and I raised some important topics. Bill Ryan stopped responding on this forum shortly after I posted.

I realize he is likely very busy, but what I wrote and the comments from others were quite a bit more than fan mail. They deserve an adequate response, if Camelot and Avalon are to be taken seriously.

Quite frankly, this is not an edict that can be given from above. As above, so below.

--sjkted

Some things went wrong on the Cliff High issue. Bill admitted to making a mistake. And then at the end of the explanation, if I remember correctly, he said that was all he had to say on the issue. It was adequately explained as far as I was concerned. Life brings us misunderstandings between each other all the time. I can go over dozens of them since I became involved with Project Avalon. Bill and Kerry prefer to move on. I went to look for your post to the Bill Ryan thread and found this post of yours and would like to quote it here:

thread- can you FORGIVE us: "Yes, we can and we will. We are starting a domino effect right now. We cannot get to anywhere good in the future until we let good of the old. As more and more people get excited about the future, that excitement will be contagious. With such a positive outlook, there will be no more room to hold on to what has happened in days past."