New, confused, and in need of help.

Hello, everyone. I know you don't know me, as I am a new member, and this is my first post. However, I joined this community in hopes that someone could help me. It looks promising, at least.

When I was a little girl, I saw ghosts all the time. I would talk to them, if they weren't the scary type. I also just knew things sometimes, with no explanation as to how I knew it. I would sometimes answer people's questions before they claimed to have asked them, even though I heard them asking. Studying was never necessary for me, until late high school. I could speak as clearly as my mom could before I was 2 years old, and by age 3, I was already reading words like "Philadelphia." Spelling was something I had a little trouble with, because for some reason, it has always been difficult for me to grasp the American spelling of words like neighbour, centre, grey, practise, etc. I always wanted to spell them what I called the "correct" way. At that time, I'd never read or seen anything spelled this way, as I have always lived in Arkansas.

Around the time I was 9-12, I became VERY interested in the paranormal. Still, I had not heard anything to pique my interest. My family certainly didn't take interest in anything like this, but for some reason, I was drawn to it. I just sort of "knew" what to look up. Telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection. Once I was already interested, I discovered that a new TV program was coming to Disney Channel that had all these things in it. Remember So Weird? I lived for that show, and even became upset when Fi left. During this age, I also began having difficulty communicating. I became nervous and withdrawn, and I found it difficult to formulate questions. Answers were easy, but questions were next to impossible.

Once I got in junior high, I pretty much stopped looking into the paranormal. I was already called a freak, even though I'd never told anyone what I was interested in. I certainly didn't need to fuel the fire. In high school, things I once found so easy were becoming difficult. I began having to study. Ghosts were no longer coming around, or if they were, I couldn't see them. I couldn't answer people's questions prior to their asking. One thing that stuck around, however, was my grasp of language and spelling. It even crossed over into my French studies. I could understand what was said when the rest of the class could not. Even the exchange students noticed it, and would say things to me in their native languages...which I would then reply to. I couldn't speak their languages, but if I wasn't paying attention that it wasn't English, I could almost always understand what they were saying.

Another thing that happened in high school was that once, while I was walking through the school with my arms loaded (backpack, purse, saxophone, God-knows-what-else, etc.), I was approaching the doors to go outside to my uncle's car. It was after school, and no one was in the hallway at the time. Once I got to the door, I shifted everything around so I could open it. I barely put out my right hand, and both doors flew open, never closing until I passed through. I know I never touched either one. Sometimes when I'd go shopping and would look at the CDs or DVDs, some might fall off the shelves. No one else was around those times, either, and I hadn't touched them. I still have no explanation for either of these occurrences.

Aside from that, not much has happened over the past few years, until recently. Once when I was 8, I saw a black shadow with red eyes looking at me in my mom's closet. This happened again in the living room one night in June when I was 19, except this time, it touched my right shoulder before I turned to see it. It appeared a third time in my bathroom this summer. This time, I ran into the kitchen adjacent to it, where the light was still on. I saw the same shadow (or possibly a second one) in the dining room on the other side of the kitchen. My dog had began barking and cowering at the doorways to both rooms, and the light behind me switched off by itself a few times. I stood there for well over an hour before anyone noticed that I was still standing in the middle of the kitchen at 1am. Each time this shadow appeared, I was scared to death.

Since I graduated high school, I have been disinterested in mundane tasks and conversation. I don't want to talk about what's on TV, and I could care less about what propaganda the media is spreading, unless any of it has to do with the paranormal and government conspiracies. It's difficult to think at times.

I have dreams that I can't seem to remember, even though I know I have them. I also feel like there is something I should know but have forgotten. Whatever it is I've forgotten is so important that forgetting it almost feels as bad as if someone I love has died. I don't know what this could be. Recently, I've also been looking into dimensional travel (time/space), and have tried to grasp the concepts. At times, I can almost understand it, but there is some sort of mental block keeping me from it. And on some things I find, even though what I read makes perfect sense, I just know it's wrong. That what it says is incorrect and would never work. I have nothing to base this on. No prior knowledge.

I have a longing to travel. I don't feel like this is where I'm suppose to be, but I don't know where to begin. I don't have the money to travel, and try as I might to get a job, I still can't get one. I just want to travel. Not stay anywhere for more than a month or two, maybe, but I just want to travel. See a few places in the world for the cultural aspect of it, but that's not enough. I don't want to just see this world. I want to explore and experience others. I'd also love to be able to travel through time just to observe. I have nothing I would change, simply because I think it's unwise to change what has already happened.

Sorry for rambling, and thanks to anyone who reads this wall of text. I just have no one I can talk to about this offline, and when I found Projects Camelot and Avalon, I hoped someone might finally be able to explain things and help me.

Also, if this is in the wrong area, I do apologize, and request that it be moved to the correct forum.

Thank you.

[Jacqui D]

Hi Lady rea Well you have certainly came to the right site i will say that and you are definately intuitive!
You will find here on Avalon a diverse range of people who have in one way or another been through some of the paranormal things you have experienced yourself.
I feel this site has been a beacon for many, at last we have found likeminded people who we may talk to and share our beliefs.
However no two people are the same we are all unique in our way, i fell for your confused state of mind as we all here well most have felt extremely confused especially with the encounters of latest news that we havebeen following over the past few weeks.
We have been up an down in our emotions and now feeling the backlash of these fabricated stories but we hold true to our beliefs.

I would just like to say i hope you will stay with us and tell us more of your stories there are many ears waiting to hear your experiences.
If you wish to contact me you may, we have all felt lost at times and i hope this site will give you at least the knowledge that there are others out there you are not the only one.

[herbivore]

sounds like you're strongly intact with your 'intuitive' side...lucky you. since we're nearing more the galactic center, and the pulse of the solar system (and thus earth) is steadily increasing in frequency, many people feel like this accelerating frequency causes our view of 3 dimensions to transcend into more than just 3. the spirits live in these extra dimensions somewhere and they know you can see them. their dimension is very translucent, they can read your pure energy and access your thoughts well. try to keep a very strong, demanding almost, positive attitude whenever they come around, definitely try communicating. they value your right to free will, so you must show them you are willing to interact, if you are. ask them telepathically or out loud why they are there and what they want with you.
i think you stopped seeing the spirits when you got older because when you're a child you're much freer spiritually. when you start to see the real world it taints your view of the universe.
i too have dreams that i can never remember, and a constant want to travel, but broke of course. i'm lucky being in a band because i get to travel around the U.S. at least. anyway, i personally would like to hear how this progresses if it does, tis very interesting. goodluck

[samncheese]

Hi, I can relate to you. I think if you search your earliest memories carefully you will find the answers you seek. I have found that an ongoing program was run world wide to enhance many of the people and nudge the world a little closer to an awakening.

I will tell you that I grew up in strange ways and with seemingly fantastic things going on all the time. imagin if you will what would happen if a sudden awakening happened and mankind found it's self with more abilities to manipulate the world with just thought...with no disipline on how to govern these abilities....So the real powers that be, realized that some people needed to awaken early to learn how to control and soften the transition that is coming.

We can say it is ok, you will be fine, this is normal, meditate with me and I will show you how peaceful life can be...

Welcome.

Brian

Thank you for the warm welcomes, everyone.

I'm not sure what you mean by finding answers in my earliest memories, Brian. My earliest memory is waking up one morning, walking into the living room, and asking Mom if we were cartoons. When she said no, I said, "Why not? If cartoons aren't real, and I don't feel real, why aren't we cartoons?" I was around 3 years old then. Anything I mentioned in the OP that was before that has just been told to me. Not a personal memory. Aside from that, I've never really thought about it before, but I have VERY few memories of my childhood. I'm not sure why, though. I'd never even thought about not having those memories. Most of what I "remember" is what people have said around me, regarding what I've said, done, where I've been, etc. Oh well, I probably just need to eat more fish.

Jacqui_D, what did you mean by "especially with the encounters of latest news that we have been following over the past few weeks" ? Aside from the US election, I haven't really paid much attention to the news. Anything to do with broadcast media usually sickens me, so I usually either just read or watch Doctor Who when I'm not busy.

Thanks again.

[logic]

Let camelot interview you as have been done with many other peeps.

Excuse me, logic, but can you clarify, please?

[herbivore]

he's saying let bill ryan and kerry cassidy, aka Project camelot, interview you. they probably have a lot of helping words for your situation and they have experience with lots of people with strong intuition.

[capreycorn]

Originally Posted by Lady Rae

Thank you for the warm welcomes, everyone.

My earliest memory is waking up one morning, walking into the living room, and asking Mom if we were cartoons. When she said no, I said, "Why not? If cartoons aren't real, and I don't feel real, why aren't we cartoons?" .

"welcome old-earth-spirit!"

[Jacqui D]

Originally Posted by Lady Rae

Thank you for the warm welcomes, everyone.

I'm not sure what you mean by finding answers in my earliest memories, Brian. My earliest memory is waking up one morning, walking into the living room, and asking Mom if we were cartoons. When she said no, I said, "Why not? If cartoons aren't real, and I don't feel real, why aren't we cartoons?" I was around 3 years old then. Anything I mentioned in the OP that was before that has just been told to me. Not a personal memory. Aside from that, I've never really thought about it before, but I have VERY few memories of my childhood. I'm not sure why, though. I'd never even thought about not having those memories. Most of what I "remember" is what people have said around me, regarding what I've said, done, where I've been, etc. Oh well, I probably just need to eat more fish.

Jacqui_D, what did you mean by "especially with the encounters of latest news that we have been following over the past few weeks" ? Aside from the US election, I haven't really paid much attention to the news. Anything to do with broadcast media usually sickens me, so I usually either just read or watch Doctor Who when I'm not busy.

Thanks again.

Hi Lady rae sorry i didn't explain myself properly what iactually meant was with all dis information that we have been getting on this site by various whistleblowers hope that makes sense.

[clarkkent]

if your new these are good
videos to watch


reality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZj9Q...eature=related


gregg braden
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...q=gregg+braden

david icke
http://www.guba.com/watch/3000054108

conscious media
http://www.consciousmedianetwork.com/members.htm


zeitgeist
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...83847743189197

why we fight
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...q=why+we+fight

quantum physics and consciousness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqJOIQWkfWA

[micjer]

You should research Indigo children. Part of what you talk about fits.

[Ampgod]

Nice to have you here.

[MMe M]

Im not gonna tell you your normal cause your not and who wants to be like those that cant see and hear? It must be like being blind and deaf, I dont envy them. Youll remember when the time comes or you grow brave enough to ask those near you only you see for help and greater understanding.

Your doing fine, not a freak at all, but special and blessed. Keep reading what you can. You also need to know how to protect your self from those that would use you for their own set of binnoculars or other. You cant go round leaving your houses door wide open, you need to learn how to lock it and only let in invited guests.

Never stop learning. Best to you. Its a mistifying wonderful journey. Never boring.

[undetected]

@ Lady Rae

Interesting story you have there. Unfortunately I have no personal experience with the paranormal, but have been interested in all that kind of stuff since I was a kid, so maybe I'm the opposite of you - lots of theoretical knowledge but nothing going on. But I have some guidelines for you.

1. If you aren't doing it already, you should definitely start with meditation. I think you have a good connection with the non-physical world, or whatever you wanna call it, so I expect you might be quite successful with meditation. And if you are, it will give you much better answers than any of us can.

As for what kind of meditation and how, it's not that important, Michael Tsarion says everyone should do their own meditation, whatever feels right for them, and I think he's right. But I would say the key is inner silence - silencing your thoughts and thus opening your mind to the spiritual world.

2. As for those "things" you sometimes see and which "scare you to death" - there are many kinds of non-physical entities, which could somehow be called good, neutral or bad. I can't tell anyhow what exactly you've seen, but generally, most of these things can't harm you. And the one significant thing that actually may give them some power over you, is your fear. In the spiritual world, fear is probably your greatest enemy. So try to defeat the fear and in my opinion there is almost no chance that those things, whatever they are, can pose a threat to you. Most likely they don't even have any such intentions in the first place.
If it was me, I'd take the opportunity and try to communicate. Face them, study them, ask what they want. There's probably a high chance that they will do nothing, but maybe they will respond. And if you really don't want them near you, then clearly tell them to go away. It may work or it may not, but it's worth trying. If they just stand there and do nothing, and you don't feel like communicating, I suppose you could just ignore them and go about your stuff as if they weren't there.
[herbivore already commented on this and I agree with that comment]

Aside from that, I'm not really sure what you'd like to know. You said you have a problem formulating questions... but try if you can.

Maybe one more thing I could say... all those experiences you've described, none of it is as rare as it might seem to you. I know there are lots of people with similar experiences. And none of what you've described, should worry you. You have a gift, and if I were you, I would embrace it. Don't be afraid of weird things happening to you, explore them. Things usually happen for a reason and if you refuse to face them and hide from them, you might only be postponing something you'll have to face sooner or later anyway. Why wait?