Victim Mentality

[Christo888]

Originally Posted by futureyes

spot on christo ...

would it be beneficial for us to continue adding fresh coffee every morning into our cups which are still full of the previous day's coffee?

of course not ... no matter how much fresh coffee we add there'll always remain the old stuff ... practice this for a while and some of that coffee gets really really thick and gross ...

we wouldn't do that ... we'd clean our cup in the a.m. and pour all new fresh stuff to begin our day ...

if we were the coffee we drink ... why would we insist on not cleaning ourselves up of the old within us ... how can we expect to entertain the new when the old remains ... thicker and denser does it become over time ... blocks and leaves little room for anything fresh and appetizing ...

sooo ... let's clean out the old paradigm within us once and for all ... let's make room and fill our selves with all that is new ... the sooner the better is most beneficial at this juncture ...

filling our selves with new coffee here and there are great glimpses of what can be ... but we can't keep layering them ... we need to clean out the old stuff ... start anew ...

we must stop waiting for someone else to clean our cups out ...

fresh coffee anyone?



i'm laughing ... never thought i could corelate coffee into this ... it just sort of flowed ...

Perked me right up!

[Seashore]

Can members who are experienced at meditation share their thoughts on how meditation helps overcome victim mentality?

[recallone]

In The Celestine Prophecy (by James Redfield), various control dramas are explained. This is one of many roles that are adopted in an attempt to acquire energy from others. Granted, the very idea of energy to be found outside of oneself is the problem to begin with. This is perpetuated by our mythological religions endorsing the idea of a God outside of ourselves. No such thing.
A greater understanding of our divinity and connection to all that is helps to dispel this and many other errant energy-seeking-roles. As Krishnamurti says over and over again, the very act of seeking implies a lack, a state of confusion that can only bring more of the same.

Victim mentality? A side effect of the system that seeks to control through lies.
It's false and therefore creates unwanted (and unnecessary!) issues, not the least of which is a manufactured sickness, condition, whatever - that is the epitome of separation/division.

[Seashore]

I am reading the book Will & Spirit by Gerald G. May, M.D.

I just read a passage about emotional freedom. It is an anecdote that people may be able to relate to as it might apply to overcoming victim mentality. It's from pages 186 - 187 of the book:

"I had been practicing one form of meditation or another for about two years. Usually I used the meditation to help me relax. It had no special spiritual significance for me at the time; it was just an expedient way of collecting myself to handle the stresses of daily life. One morning I was feeling very depressed and angry. Something had gone on between my husband and me; I don't remember the exact conflict now, but it had me feeling very down and very agitated. I had a lot of trouble relaxing and "centering down" for my meditation that morning, but after about fifteen minutes I felt myself really going deep. The agitation had stopped--just through relaxing, I guess--and my mind seemed very open and calm.

I kept feeling as if I--or my consciousness--was sinking into deeper and deeper levels of my mind. There was no specific content to the experience, no real thoughts or feelings. Just very deep relaxation. Then at some point I remember noticing the depression and frustration start up again. It seemed as if they came from a place in me which was only slightly deeper than where my awareness was. I didn't feel badly about those feelings starting. I was sort of dispassionate about them...just noticing what they were.

Then for a few minutes I sort of "went into" the feelings. And it seemed as if there were layers of them, the depression and agitation first, and the anger right beneath that. And then below that there was a mixture of fear and self-doubt. Finally, below that, there was a longing and a loving so immense that it almost terrified me. I backed off a bit, and found myself in the old depression-anger state again.

While I was sitting there just feeling and watching my state of mind a simple thought came, something like "I don't have to feel this way if I don't want to." And with that the depression and anger suddenly changed to light and joy. It was as if an inner face had suddenly stopped frowning and started smiling. I became fascinated with the change, and found that with just the slightest inclination of attitude I could create any feeling I wanted. For a time, then, I was just experimenting with feeling all kinds of different ways--silly, sad, bored, erotic, fearful, angry, vengeful, loving, sweet, despairing, all the different nuances of emotion you could imagine.

Behind it all there was another rising feeling. This was different from the rest, because it wasn't so "up-front." The only way I can describe it is that it was a kind of joyful confidence and deep relief. I remember thinking again, "I can feel any way I want." As time went on I think I became rather entranced by my own power to control my feelings and with that the space and freedom disappeared. I was left unable to influence the feelings. But this was not really disappointing because I was also left with the notion that it doesn't really matter how I feel. I can still identify that wonderful freedom of not having to run my life on the basis of how I feel at any given moment.

That experience happened over a year ago, and I've never been able to recapture or duplicate it. But I still have some of the confidence it gave me. Never again will I think it's the end of the world just because I feel terribly afraid or despairing. At some level I know now that feelings are...just feelings."

[Seashore]

From hodu.com





Eliminating Our Own Victim Mentality

Can you imagine what a difference it would make to our self-esteem, creative productivity, and overall happiness if we were free of a victim mind-set? We're often simply unaware of the power that's in our hands...

by Sharon Ellison


For all of us: Victim mind-set erases choice

First I want to make a clear distinction between being treated as a victim and having a victim mentality.
It’s not like the old horse and carriage, we can have one without the other. For abusers actually to feel victimized by the people they are hurting emotionally or even physically is a classic scenario. On the other hand, we may be genuinely victimized by someone and still not think or respond like a victim.

Refusing to think like a victim: Sojourner Truth, an African American woman who escaped slavery and was a strong abolition activist, attended the National Women's Suffrage Convention in Akron, Ohio, where she delivered her powerful "Ain't I a Woman?" speech.

Only women were allowed to speak and she was such a powerful speaker that an effort was made by opponents of the movement to discredit her by humiliating her. She was ordered to go to the women's room and bare her breast to prove that she was a woman.

Sojourner Truth was offered a choice between not speaking and being humiliated. But she refused to stay in the confines of that "no-win" choice. She refused to think like a victim. She chose to speak — and as she went to the women’s room to "prove" she was a woman, she said with power and grace, "It is to your shame, not mine, that I do this."

The problem: We slip easily into victim mentality when we we try to get exactly what we want in less than ideal circumstances and when we can't, we allow ourselves to be trapped in no-win choices. Often, we aren't even willing to consider any choice other than the ideal choice. When we are in victim mentality, we don’t see the range of choices we have and we wallow in resentment. We feel helpless.

The solution: In order to eliminate our victim mentality, we must:

1. Start by accepting the reality of the situation instead of trying to achieve the ideal.
2. Find the best choice available within the reality of the circumstances, and then
3. Accept that choice instead of resenting it.

Below are examples that show how to do that in various circumstances/relationships:

For friends: You're late, I wait!

Victim mind-set: If I want to see my friend for tea or coffee, and she is chronically late, I may feel victimized by the choice between having to wait or not getting to see her. I wait and then feel disconnected and irritated.

Empowered mind-set: If I don’t want to be a victim I have many choices. I can accept that my friend is always late and chose to:

1. Be late too.
2. Take a good book and have a 15 minutes of quiet time.
3. Meet at a place near where I have other errands and let her know that I’ll wait ten minutes (or whatever suits me) and if she’s not there, I’ll leave.
4. Meet her at my house so I can keep doing whatever I want till she gets there, and if she doesn’t arrive before my next appointment, she won’t get to see me.

Holiday dinner variation: They're late, we wait

Victim mind-set: How many of you out there plan a holiday meal and have certain relatives or friends who are always late. You hold up dinner, the food gets dry, held in the oven on warm, or cold on the counter.

You and the rest of the family and guests sit around pretending that you are having fun instead of waiting, or openly complain or arguing about whether you should wait a few more minutes or go ahead and eat. Here we have a whole room full of people in feeling helpless and frustrated.

Empowered mind-set: You let the late-arrivers know ahead of time, "We’re gathering at 2:00 and we’ll eat at 3:00. If you get there late, just come on in and join the meal."

Now, everyone can have fun, eat, and not be so angry when the others do arrive. (Just make sure you don’t assign them to bring the turkey, pasta, ham, or whatever your main dish is!) This sounds so simple. What stops us from doing it?...

For professionals: Do as I tell you -even if it causes problems!

Victim mind-set: A new manager, William, was hired in Mario’s department. Mario, also in a managerial position, was asked by William to implement a series of changes. Mario tried to explain to William that three of these changes involved procedures that had been tried before but caused some serious problems. William seemed to take Mario’s comments as a challenge to his authority, and dismissed them.

Mario was frustrated, complained to others, and rather sullenly said he would do as asked. He was worried that in his own managerial role he would be held accountable for the problems he knew would develop. He was afraid to complain to his new boss’s supervisor for fear of looking like sour grapes.

Empowered mind-set: Mario, in this case, got some advice and decided to write an email to William to clarify his position. It said:

Statement:"I want to be clear and respectful in telling you the specific problems we had when we previously used the following three procedures you have asked me to implement over the next few months. I am concerned about the impact on the company, and about my own responsibility as a manager, given that I will be directing my staff to put a process into effect that I know is going to cause problems. Since you are my manager, I feel it is my duty to officially report these issues to you."

Possible predictions: "If you want to talk to me about other options, I’d be glad to do so. If you still want me to implement these procedures, I will do so as efficiently as I can."

" If you still want me to implement these procedures, I want to have it on record that I reported these problems so I am not held accountable for any resulting problems."

"If you feel determined to implement these procedures, I’d like to ask that we meet together with your supervisor to discuss it first, so she is aware of the problems we had previously."


Sharon's closing thoughts

The world is not an ideal place. When we look for ideal choices and ideal solutions, we find we have fewer and fewer "choices." We think like victims, which usually involves feeling both helpless and angry.

If we know that we are making choices in situations that are not ideal and we accept that, then we will suddenly see countless choices previously invisible to us. We will feel greater freedom and take more responsibility for the choices we do make...

[Seashore]

Regarding the Illuminati, said to be of a Reptilian mind-pattern, Swerdlow says this in Blue Blood, True Blood:

"Each person on Earth must gain control of his/her own minds to find out who and what they truly are within God-Mind. Then, if they teach others to do the same, eventually this will extrapolate to a critical mass that will spill over to the rest of the population. Then there will be no need or possibility for any victim-mentality to exist, and no oppressor will be attracted. Mankind will then be free. This new mind-pattern of the species can even be taught to the Reptilians, and any other race or type of beings. God-Mind allows all. In God-Mind, this solution has already occurred! Everyone must now become aware of it."

[Steven]

Hello Seashore. I have not read your post when it first came out. I was away for several months. But I would like to add my ideas about victim consciousness. Here is what I wrote in another thread.

Victim Consciousness;

The victim consciousness is the kind of consciousness we are transcending to enter into a personal responsibility consciousness. It is the global consciousness Humanity has shown since many years and it is changing at this moment. It is a consciousness who is driven to react, focus and feed conflicts. It justify itself by making a point, or being right among the wrongs. It glorify itself and push others down because of low self esteem. It appears as savior, but after a while we see the savior beginning to oppress. The victim calls for the oppressor and the savior. The oppressor calls for the victim and the savior, the savior calls for the oppressor and the victim. They exist because of the others. It is a relationship of victimhood. This type of consciousness cares only about itself. Others are useful as long as they fulfill their distinctive complementary role with the subject. A savior will care about you if you are a victim, but if you are a savior too, conflict might occur. It is the same when two victims or two oppressors meet. Always remember that the same individual can switch from any role, savior-victim-oppressor, according to the situation. We can also switch from personal responsibility consciousness to victim consciousness many times in the same day. It is not static, its dynamic.

The victim consciousness is made of three major components. Victim-Oppressor-Savior. They all call each other into play because of the Universal Laws. At the base of this type of consciousness there is irresponsibility. Be it victim, savior or oppressor, everyone puts the blame on someone else, and tries not to be involved into responsibility when it is about to determine the source of the problem. We like to be seen as the source of the solution, but never the source of the problem. This is the major reason why we will not be saved by higher consciousness beings. It is a trap to ask to be saved. Religion pushes forward this mentality and it does no good at all. The prophets of any religion are not saviors, Jesus is not a savior. If you see them as savior, you ask for them to get caught into the victim consciousness trap and because of the Universal Laws, risking to get trapped into this consciousness for a period of time. Imagine for a moment if Jesus would come back in all his glory to hunt the Elite of the World and throw them into the eternal fire like it is believe by millions of humans on Earth. Imagine what happens next according to the Universal Laws... Imagine the terrible sacrifice we are asking to this being we called Jesus. It will never happen this way...

To this I would add that when one is aware of the Universal Laws at work in Life, this person begin to care about all that emanates from him/her. Words, thoughts, feelings, attitude become totally important and do matter a lot about the future of this person and its surrounding, its collectivity. It does indeed shapes reality. So this person progressively begin to leave the old victim consciousness pattern the system indoctrinates us into and begin to realize the impact she/he has around. She/he begins to care... She/he begins to be responsible, so this person switch to a personal responsibility consciousness because of the awareness she/he has of how the Universal Laws of consciousness works. Resulting in a much better control over his/her life and future.

Namaste, Steven

[Ravens and Doves]

It's seems to be the "mentality" in Victim Mentality that gets people huffing and puffing. We should use our best discernment when in the company of misery. There's a big difference between a person who makes a career out of crying and a person just lost their home and family in an earthquake, fire or tsunami.

I thought people who got cancer did so because they did something not as healthy as those who didn't have it.... like there was something wrong with them.

Then I got it. I don't see myself as a victim, but I learned a hard lesson about what it's like to walk in another's shoes. I went through treatment at a time I was around a lot of very rich, arrogant people (through a marraige) and got my *** kicked for not being perfect.

Here's a video that was shot, in some parts, near my old apartment.

YouTube - Martika - Toy Soldiers
Paul

[Seashore]

Originally Posted by Steven

She/he begins to care... She/he begins to be responsible, so this person switch to a personal responsibility consciousness ...

Originally Posted by Ravens and Doves

...I learned a hard lesson about what it's like to walk in another's shoes.

Thank you both!

[Seashore]

A 26 Oct 2009 interview of Freeman addresses the issue of humanity and victim mentality:

http://thefreemanperspective.blogspot.com/

[Seashore]

Originally Posted by Seashore

I just learned this term about a year ago, but now it seems paramount in importance to me, because I think Stewart Swerdlow is right when he says that's what our (the human race) problem is, and that's what we have to overcome if we're going to succeed in healing our troubled world...

I have purchased Stewart's 3 Part DVD set Hyperspace & Oversoul Basics. Maybe this is free on the web; I don't know.

Near the end of Part 3 is a section on the exercise "The Child Within." I think Stewart is on to something with this exercise! I think this topic applies to this thread because we get "stuck in childhood," but if we can begin to work on issues which began back then, how we can grow, and overcome, and who knows where it will lead?

[Seashore]

Originally Posted by Seashore

I am impressed with this term.

What is it? Is it the underlying belief that people have that they're practically powerless to control what happens to them? That's my attempt to define it...

I just learned this term about a year ago, but now it seems paramount in importance to me, because I think Stewart Swerdlow is right when he says that's what our (the human race) problem is, and that's what we have to overcome if we're going to succeed in healing our troubled world...

So, I would like to ask members to share their ideas about how to overcome victim mentality.

I am bringing up this post for members who may have missed this thread the first time around.

Any comments on overcoming victim mentality so we can heal ourselves/our troubled world?

[ranma187]

the victim mentality. "it's not my fault THEY did it to me."

The trap this creates is a person who will never take responsibility for all the **** that happens to them. It is the exact opposite of ascension. It is a prison.

[Seashore]

Originally Posted by ranma187

It is a prison.

This makes it crystal clear.

Thank you.