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Old 01-17-2009, 12:29 AM   #1
Czymra
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Post A Tale of Self-Discovery

Greetings Avalonians,

I have been here for roughly three moons now and have learned with a velocity that I thought impossible a year or two ago. Only now have I come to the understanding of my lessons over the last years and the participation on this forum has catalysed this process greatly, along with some other events, which curiously are now beyond my emotional judgement. Please know that this has less to do with all that lies behind the NWO, that in fact leaves me surprisingly un-surprised. It is all the more the tacit detail in which anything from concept to emotional insight is presented here. I may not resonate with all that is here and have to reject some, but I absorb it with a willingness that I have seldom had towards anything else in my life. Maybe it is that re-cognising of willingness that has now carved a path for my new outlook.

I have been inspired by many threads of people voicing intimate issues and have encountered an honesty yet humility in many that I have known only from myself and maybe a handful of others until now. It truly is a calling I long mistook for a need to feel special, now I know that there is more to the sensation. The window is broken.

As an expression of my immense gratitude for all this, as well as a vehicle for my own discovery, I would like to share some shards of my experience in this life. It shall be an exploration of my own inner world, specifically my memories (how could it be not so). In the course of this I hope to achieve a few things personally and am encouraged to do this only now that I know there is a listening ear (eye). Strangely enough, having conversations with myself is the hardest lesson. I do not listen enough. I am learning.

Firstly, I have heard many times that a new language will be required to concisely communicate the now emerging dynamics. I have con/received this thought for years and am so delighted to hear this from other sources/channels. I have a special interest in language and will try to paint the associations I hope to convey as accurately as possible in the hope that at some point the notions can be distilled into the new.

Secondly, I hope to re-locate/repair the prism of my perception. Some of the crystal shards which are in my possession I will share here, and hopefully some of you can enlighten me to a meaning that might have eluded me so far. Furthermore, their retelling will heat the hearth of my inspiration anew to a heat that has long since been missing, as it it went with my innocence. Already now I can feel it preying in anticipation.

Lastly but of course not least, I hope that some of you will find a piece of themselves or at least appreciate the intimacy of my rambling.




The stage is set.

The beginning is always now. To begin at birth is a misstep in my opinion. What do I know about my birth? The earliest memory I have retained is dancing on legs and arms under the table while my mother watches TV. Pure bliss, for no reason. Now I am 23, and my life feels strangely removed from myself. I have spent the winter solstice in my hometown and I rediscover the place anew every time. This time however, it felt as if it was from another life, no longer mine. Everything is different. I move in a known space, my hands know where to reach, my feet follow a path I have walked countless times before. Yet, it seems the first time. Even my relations to the people there began anew, though it was difficult at times not to fall back into old habits. A tension between dimensions that helped me stay awake.
I never understood why people feel rooted in a space in these three dimension. I've always longed to find myself anew somewhere else, in someone else.
When I left for Norway I never missed my old home but No.way never became a home to me, either. In fact, I felt at home only in the arms of my girlfriend, the rest was vast wilderness to be explored. That was enough.
When I left for London this stayed the same. In German we have a word that translates only roughly to '(feeling of) security'. It's a poor surrogate. "Geborgenheit", the feeling you know inherently from you mother's lap, the blissful state of no worries atall that slowly decomposes when you grow older, wearier and less innocent.
London offered no padding, no refuge. Geborgenheit wasn't only amiss, I thought it didn't even exist anymore. Homestead became a place to rest your body in when it was dark, yet the loneliness lingered in the corners of the darkness, sleep was the last thing on my mind.
People, people, people, everywhere the eye meets people of all races, types, moods, tendencies, vibrations. I've never know (outer) chaos before. Full confrontation, yet acrobatic evasion and distance. Each to himself.

Now however, even with my second girlfriend having left for Japan, most contacts washed away by time and more on my own than ever before, I stand tall, for the first time in my life, I actually feel the age I am, ready for the task at hand and armed with all that is necessary.

"I have no need for rations, the journey is so long, if I don't find food along the way I must starve to death."
-Franz Kafka, Der Aufbruch (The Departure (loose translation))


Fractions are lost. The sleeper has awoken but vital pieces are missing.
Large portions of experience are just blank. I can not account for most of my life. Now that I wake fractions come back, they are not unknown, they are no revelation, but they are bread crumbs that lead back into the labyrinth. Yet, there are memories, when told of by my parents I can only recall a synthetic picture that I have created in my mind's eye due to the pressure of constant retelling. 'Yes wasn't it like that...." as if the memory was mine.
I know I can not trust my re-collection. I have caught myself several times red-handed as I fill in details to make sense of a situation that was wrongly perceived to begin with. Peace of mind at all costs, or rather sleepiness?

"Everything is known the me yet somehow beyond my reach."
-Major Garland Briggs, Twin Peaks

But there are a few memories that are so visceral on the canvas of my horizon that I will never forget. These seem as portals, that once 'activated', understood, forgiven?... will unlock the gates to the essence of my past. Like many of you have described in your recounting of contacts or NDEs to be able to regain access to these milestones of your lives, I too believe that this knowledge isn't wiped from existence.

I remember praying as a child:
"Please allow me to be special, I'll even take pain... but do it slowly."

Was it God I spoke to? I must have believed so at the time but now there has been a shift in meaning. Was something happening that I till this day have walled up deep within me, never to be laid eyes upon again? If that is so, it must be like an invisible tumour that has spread its tentacles all throughout my being now. I can only account on the behalf of the immense fear I sensed ever since I remember being aware of being alive, for this omnipresent sense of threat.

Everybody wants to be special. It's a need that is soon bought into by fairy tales that one is told from early age. The first conditioning shower. So maybe this amnesia is natural, simply due to the possibly traumatic experiences among my parents.
Without reading of other accounts on this forum I would have stayed with this conclusion. However, there is a single piece that isn't a part of the puzzle I'm aware of.
The most vivid recollection of a kiss on my ear at an age where I can be certain to have no kind of relation to a girl especially one of this sexual intensity.

It is my conviction that I can think of no thing out of the no-thing. Everything is somehow recycled and only seldom is mankind granted a new thought from which spring thousands of manifestations. For all the uncertainty about my past, I can distinctly speak about this one as an experience so real, it can not be the fruit of mere imagination.
In fact, it is only now due to my maturity that I am able to judge its authenticity, as it can not be compared to sexual fantasies before and after an actual first sexual experience. These imaginations shifted so drastically in colour and feel that claiming any knowledge of union between man and woman would be ridiculous.

...but that kiss was no figment.

Did this spark over from another incarnation or is it the only trace left of contact? Could this explain my lifelong paranoia, petrification at presences around me and an amount of fear that seems unreasonable measured by the extent of my experiences?

There are only a few more clues that seem like other cornerstones. Their significance however, is yet beyond me:

1. Getting lost as a child in the streets of Mt. Saint Michel.


2. Becoming sick while watching children's TV, specifically 'The Snow Queen' as the protagonist is corrupted with an ice splinter that pierces in his eye and an african cartoon in which a baby frees an evil queen from its possession by removing the thorn from her back. (Both feature an alien artefact/splinter in a body.)

3. Feverish hallucinations when in puberty of two ravaging armies battling each other in such force that only my first impression of Lord of the Ring battles can somehow stand up to it. The two armies of the same size slaughter each other with such speed that I fear no one will survive. In the end, there is only one person left. I do not know if he is one of the whites or the blacks.

4. Recurring dreams of which I only remember one vividly but know that I have some of them again and again even today. The one I have retained is one from early childhood. My best friends and I are in a large underground cavern where ancient building are erected beside streams of water of which we crossed one just moments ago. It looks very similar to Ae'gura of the D'ni in the game Uru.


We reach a house with a relief on the outside wall. It depicts a female figure from waist up. Instead of nose and mouth it features a beak.

One might also liken the image to that of the 'doctor plague' masks known from venetian carnival.


Suddenly, the figure becomes alive. It's giant beak arches out, it's arm reaches toward me. A slender vase in it's hand, it commands me to drink. I fear and refuse... then with more intensity it commands me to DRINK. I give in and drink the potion. The notion of this having a healing effect stays with me but I do not recollect what else happened. I do however have the sensation of psychic force connected with this figure.

The only other significant dream that I can lay words to (for in most dreams there is no speech, in fact people don't even look the way they're supposed to look, I just know who and what) is one in which I am on the moon and I converse with a worm in an underground network of caves. Curiously there's a film like that I just discovered: http://www.theseventhvoyage.com/themooncalf.htm


Re-entering London this January was scary at first.
The thought of being in a town of millions is not encouraging when one reads on these forums. I have however started to reign over my emotions long ago and am not slowly regaining my control over the fear I have been carrying with me for way too long. I am able to focus now, in fact I live healthier than ever now, have even managed to meditate every day since I returned and the benefits are mind blowing. I carry the Geborgenheit within me now. If I allow it, any place can be home and I recognise the people around me as an opportunity, not an obstacle. I have learned to listen to those smaller signs my bodies give to me and in fact I've even regained my ability to feel that energy of warm shivering flow through me as I did when I was a child. I can even control it to an extent, feel others energy from a distance and just today I seem to have learned how to not reject the wind but to embrace it, yes even take energy from it.

I believe that once I learn to reclaim those lost crystal shards I can learn to go out of my own way and fulfil the purpose I assigned myself with. My ego still craves the superiority and I do not understand why even the spiritual experiences are so hard to retain in our mind. In fact, I think wanting to experience them and KNOW that I did is the last instance that holds on to the self. The more I learn to give in to the divine plan however, I experience a motivation, that also lead to the writing of this, and which was beyond my grasp at any other time before.

Thank you for being a part of Avalon. Without you, my journey would have erred on windy paths much longer.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=gWcv5IwHBWU

P.S.: If against all positive thought a bright light and a mushroom cloud go off in London and you should see the light, think of me as coming your way very quickly and very brightly.

Last edited by Czymra; 01-17-2009 at 12:42 AM.
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Old 01-17-2009, 01:09 AM   #2
777 The Great Work
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You my friend are an old soul and your presence has been an inspiration for my spiritual growth. I 've watched you go into a surrender which is beautiful. As you know, i love imagery and symbols ,so your post brought this image to mind.

After becoming spiritually aware, the student feels himself trapped in the material world, where so many people, although unaware, want to be rescued from the perils of earthly life. But it is also a struggle within oneself, to deal with all the emotional and mental inner conflicts, and the desire to get liberated from all that. The spiritual world does reach down the etheric cord of spirituality to help those who truly want to work on themselves. Peace and love on your journey for the goal is always receding as we progress upward. Even infinity is changing to higher expressions. Thanks for being here ,everywhere and nowhere.

Keep your eye on the flame, for the wax is the sacrifice for this process.

Last edited by Kathleen; 01-18-2009 at 08:32 PM. Reason: excessive quote, see guidelines
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Old 01-17-2009, 01:24 AM   #3
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Great post C, i agree with all you say about this forum, i have learnt so much in the short time i have been a member. Wonderful to know there are other people out there who think the same.
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Old 01-17-2009, 01:44 AM   #4
RedeZra
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The journey to Self is the journey to God
Discovery of Self is discovery of God

God is Godly Good Beauty Truth Love

Adorned with these qualities one surly is on the Godward path
And with all great adventures it takes some steps to get there

Slowly wordly worries fade into the distance in the light of the love for God
And one gains momentum on the path of contentment and adoration

His Saviors Saints and Sages are the Beacons on the homebound journey to Self

And one morning lost to the world - but found by God

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Old 01-17-2009, 02:43 AM   #5
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Being part of this community has completly shattered or obliterated many of the beliefs that I had about life. I feel that it's sped up my spiritual development and pushed me on a path towards spiritual enlightenment. I am willing to accept my current station in life because I believe that I am destined for things greater than material wealth.

I cringe when I see commercials for pyramid scams. I cringe when I see people using objects and money as a measure of "success" in their lives. I groan when I see people using mindless approaches to making friends and maintaining social circles. I question my family whenever they ask me what I plan to do with my college degrees, since they believe that going to college is only for making more money (which I am surprisingly not interested in anymore).

I enjoy these types of topics and I like seeing others that are on a similar path as I am. I have friends that consider me to be humble and I feel humble in my heart, even if there are still small things that get on my nerves (albeit much less nowadays).
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Old 01-17-2009, 11:26 AM   #6
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Hi Czymra - I love your exposition. It's amazing that a few sections go zoink with me too.



And 777 - You're like my priest. We should go dancing again.
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Old 01-17-2009, 07:52 PM   #7
Czymra
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Thanks for all your replies.

777, that picture is odd. I dreamt one of those repeating dreams early this morning (you only remember the last few dreams, don't you...) about a tall structure or mountain (changes each dream) with a spiral path/staircase the raises and centres into the top. The content of the dream changed though.

Before, on the path up the mountain, dangers lurked and people died, jumped down the cliff or similar. It's hard to put the finger on what happened, I just know that people perish.
This time around, when it was a more pyramidical structure, the path upwards was filled with wayfarers that were celebrating the winter solstice. When I was at the top (which I never reached in dreams prior to last night) I merely talked to a woman that seemed to lead the celebrations, asked her for somebody, then searched that person, a child girl. She went down the path and I ran after her, then crashed together with a few other people and woke up.

That picture, when I first laid eyes on it, reminded me very much of a sketch I made of that mountain from then. If you ignore the bodies but look at the shades of the muscles only, it does form a stone like mountain.
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Old 01-17-2009, 08:40 PM   #8
777 The Great Work
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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
Thanks for all your replies.

777, that picture is odd. I dreamt one of those repeating dreams early this morning (you only remember the last few dreams, don't you...) about a tall structure or mountain (changes each dream) with a spiral path/staircase the raises and centres into the top. The content of the dream changed though.

Before, on the path up the mountain, dangers lurked and people died, jumped down the cliff or similar. It's hard to put the finger on what happened, I just know that people perish.
This time around, when it was a more pyramidical structure, the path upwards was filled with wayfarers that were celebrating the winter solstice. When I was at the top (which I never reached in dreams prior to last night) I merely talked to a woman that seemed to lead the celebrations, asked her for somebody, then searched that person, a child girl. She went down the path and I ran after her, then crashed together with a few other people and woke up.

That picture, when I first laid eyes on it, reminded me very much of a sketch I made of that mountain from then. If you ignore the bodies but look at the shades of the muscles only, it does form a stone like mountain.
You are correct the image also symbolizes those who seek to stand on the shoulders of false doctrines and beliefs seeking to distract the serious pupil.like crabs in a barrel.

Your dream is really profound, because the winter solstice is the alpha and omega point in the transformation. The catch 22 and release 22 of the pisces symbol being set free at galactic center.Also the great pyramid is symbolic of this process with its 202 masonary layers. The whole idea of Xmas is galactic center. Sounds like the woman in you dream is aquarius the water bearer ,the 11th sign.

The Ibis headed god thoth is the one that is to return at the end of the age .the keeper of earth's records and builder of the great pyramids and sphinx. the god of wisdom. You are really having some profound experiences.

Check this passage out in reference to the celebration at the winter solstice.

Revelation 11:7-12
7 And when they shall have finished their testimony, the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit shall make war against them, and shall overcome them, and kill them.

8 And their dead bodies shall lie in the street of the great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified.

9 And they of the people and kindreds and tongues and nations shall see their dead bodies three days and an half, and shall not suffer their dead bodies to be put in graves.
10 And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth.

11 And after three days and an half the Spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them.
12 And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them. (KJV)
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Old 01-17-2009, 09:27 PM   #9
Czymra
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Thanks for that input. It's well appreciated. At the moment though I don't quite know where to put it. These things have never fit in my grid, and I'm not sure if they're going to.
I personally like to see the solstice simply as an event of rebirth and dislike all the modern and masonic stuff surrounding it. Yet, even this rather pure seeming pagan way of looking at it seems to have been either at the base of or perverted into satanistic concepts.
Yet, I can't help but give in to those images that are so clearly of Egyptian origin. I have seldom felt any attraction to the Egyptian culture, I'd rather be running about in Machu Picchu, but even the existence of this image of Thoth was a an immense surprise to me.

777, have you found symbols to actually have a real meaning at their core? I have been looking into this deeper and deeper and it's interesting that we are either made to believe that symbols carry only ambivalent meaning to such a degree to not recognise the true power of then, or (and that is rather my thinking) the core of a symbol isn't fixed, rather it is about how many people believe that meaning at any point of time.

I am unsure how this intersects with subliminal messaging. I am aware of it and I am convinced it manipulates us every day. Still, I wonder if that corrupting force can be applied to all images.
For example, I've recently watched "The subversive use of holy symbolism in popular culture" and have been convinced my most things mentioned but find it somewhat difficult to grasp the interpretation that was given regarding the cover of Abbey Road.


And the Interpretation is here.

Although it might be fancy to take picture apart like that, I can see meaning in the colour white, but to blatantly associate it with clergy is in my opinion just wrong. I don't need to go further, you know what I mean and the point can be made for most other symbols.

What I mean to say is that I have no quarrel with the quality of a symbol. A quality that is specific in its own being and points to a set of other associated qualities (not mentally associated, actually by physical relation). With that, each symbol has its own set of ambiguity, it is maybe like seeing the whole of the duality before singling out one pole, for once.

Y can thus not stand only for a duality view merging into singularity view, but it can be any merging or separation. It is a dynamic. It could also be an aerial or an upside down tower or a butt crack.

Furthermore, and I think this goes hand in hand, all my dreams feature a knowingness that makes me wonder why I'm not telepathically zipping around the whole world yet. There is hardly ever any speech, there is hardly even any features that identify anything, there is hardly an action that is carried out, it's all just the sensation of these things happening, a knowing of the presence. The only things that's clear is the architecture, always very present along with it's atmosphere.

Has anybody else experienced this and would care to share?
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Old 01-17-2009, 11:01 PM   #10
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I'm not going to take your thread off topic with symbolism. I just wanted make reference to your dreams without language. All that is, is imagined as in imagery or symbols.What expands the mind is when i imagine all as number and symbol, because all numbers and symbols are archetypes of divine principles. All destinations are reached through the use of numbers and symbols. When i read the bible for example and see the repetition of certain numbers, the personalities are void and the repetition of the symbols emerge from the page revealing hidden truths.

Obama was being pressured by the people about the symbol of the dog on his website. knowing the meaning of the dog alone speaks volumes without him saying another word. He never has to speak again for his agenda is revealed. Nothing else needs to be said. Anyway i'm ranting now.

If you would like to discuss this further feel free to pm me.

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Old 01-17-2009, 11:59 PM   #11
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...and yet it was I who rambled.

I'll do so.
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Old 01-18-2009, 12:06 AM   #12
777 The Great Work
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...and yet it was I who rambled.

I'll do so.
No, you have a musical flow of inner G going ,and i don't want to interupt it.
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Old 01-18-2009, 04:13 PM   #13
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The spirit has a way of informing each of us uniquely with what we need. Sometimes the tidbits we're conscious of are flashes of memory - literal or symbolic - of what either we've done in the distant past or what we are doing on inner planes while we sleep.

We've been through so much which our souls must resolve, that much of the activity of consciousness is inner and sub-conscious, barely breaking the surface. Consequently it can be difficult to examine and understand a few degrees of a circle sliced from a sphere grasped fleetingly then smothered by the conscious demands of new experience. I can remember dreams and daydreams and poetic scribblings that eventually were explained by a clearer realisation of my past incarnations. A fair bit has happened in our aeonic sojourn through the mysts of matter. The mystery of our own lives is recorded within us. It presses the boundaries of conscious awareness in literal and symbolic ways seeking the open embrace of acceptance and conscious resolution.

That's all i know. It's a process that occasionally provides the grace of real vision yet the clarity of that POV recedes behind the labrinth of unknowingness until again grace brings personal understanding. It is a cycle which must become an upward spiral as vision translates into soul attainment or closer proximity to the inner light of Christ. Much like the light of the sun appears to us from earth's changing POV we must seek and know the inner light from each degree and plane of awareness. Until Oneness is realised the subject views the object. The skewed earth spins on it's axis and revolves around the sun. Sometimes it is partially or fully eclipsed by the moon, sometimes earth is dark sometimes bathed in the light of noontide. Sometimes equinox sometimes solstice. As the earth will one day ascend and be drawn back into the Sun so will the soul ascend to perfect union through the Son. May we all make the most of cycles - especially the grace of vision - to transcend self.

Thankyou for sharing all this Czymra. Obviously your higher-Self knows what your outer mind is trying to re-member. You may resist the idea considering it an archaic misunderstanding of the nature of God, i don't know, but have you talked to your higher-Self? Your Christ Self is the immaculate conception of Father and Mother and is friend, counsellor and guide. Some might say that "i am my higher-Self so why would i talk to someone i am?" To that i'd say that the soul is a fragment of the higher- Self projected into matter yet the higher-Self has become largely eclipsed from inner view. An inner dialogue in thought and word is an offering of receptivity to the higher-Self. It is the offering of a place (in consciousness) for the answers to specific questions to be given. It is a bit like being trapped in a prison cell and tapping on the wall to see if you get a response from outside. When you do you will find your higher-Self is willing to help in just that way. It's a revelation to discover it really works. I wouldn't suggest it if it didn't but i wouldn't push it either. When you consider the 'payoff' it could be worth at least experimenting with. Life presents so many questions to a questing soul. God has all the answers.
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Old 01-18-2009, 05:28 PM   #14
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Thank you milk and honey for your insight.

Slowly I am actually able to comprehend your syntax.

As for listening and conversing with my higher self, I would very much like to do that. Yet, I am standing in my own way it seems.
There is much I have to learn to achieve what needs achieving in the physical realm and even though I know that all comes when it comes, the timeframe at the moment is very narrow.
I have relied on just living for the past two years hoping maybe for some kind of Zen understanding. 'Wash your bowl.' In that time, I feel now, I have been able to come up with many subconscious ideas that now all prove right especially in regard to the suggestions put forward on the Nexus 2012 thread. Nevertheless, it also lulled me into a certain laziness. I simply did not engage with all the topics that never drew me but are necessary tools. Maths or extensive amounts of specific learning, be it vocabulary or chemistry never appealed to me, in fact they seemed to cover over what I knew inside me. I am only now catching up and ready to learn all this. I am still not sure whether the information actually is a basis of understanding or whether the fact of engaging with it is what matters. It is similar to learning a language. Do we really learn the symbols that stand for each letter, sound and meaning or do we simply train to tap into the flow?

I've always been a flow person, not always with the flow, but focusing on the nature of the flow. Life to me is self-arranging and constantly rearranging by the context that new parts establish.
Now I have reached a point that allows me to look at the specificity of flows, symbols on their own, one might say. It is as if I descended one more level from a general presence into a now more detailed manifestation of that presence to learn its specifics. Did I go one level up or down? Why do I need to know more than one level?

The ultimate challenge/problem is that I seem to know what I'm looking for, I know how it feels and its quality, there is no question to all of this. In fact, visualisation, mantras and mudras and what not, feel silly to be because I KNOW.
However, the 'tools' for these processes always accomplish to frustrate me. It doesn't matter whether I am animating and struggle with the program, trying to be aware but forget to breathe, meditating but all I hear is people talking in the distance, a sudden bark, my nose itches or if it is about talking to my higher self and all I get is ideas rambling in my own dome.

Seriously, someone open the bloody gates.
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:22 PM   #15
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Thank you milk and honey for your insight.

Slowly I am actually able to comprehend your syntax.
Syntax? You've just given me a money making idea....

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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
As for listening and conversing with my higher self, I would very much like to do that. Yet, I am standing in my own way it seems.
There is much I have to learn to achieve what needs achieving in the physical realm and even though I know that all comes when it comes, the timeframe at the moment is very narrow.
Do you anticipate leaving very soon?

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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
I have relied on just living for the past two years hoping maybe for some kind of Zen understanding. 'Wash your bowl.' In that time, I feel now, I have been able to come up with many subconscious ideas that now all prove right especially in regard to the suggestions put forward on the Nexus 2012 thread.
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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
I've always been a flow person, not always with the flow, but focusing on the nature of the flow. Life to me is self-arranging and constantly rearranging by the context that new parts establish.
Now I have reached a point that allows me to look at the specificity of flows, symbols on their own, one might say. It is as if I descended one more level from a general presence into a now more detailed manifestation of that presence to learn its specifics. Did I go one level up or down? Why do I need to know more than one level?
If it is true that the whole can be found within each part then it is just a matter of focus. How wide or narrow becomes less important so long as the part you focus on is truly known. Then your question of higher or lower levels can be resolved. To know the heart or true nature of anything is to Be in the heart. The heart of the lowliest part is the height of being.

The higher-Self has inspired many a soul to focus on solving one of life's scientific, medical or mathmatical problems. This raises your concept of 'flow' as it relates to 'specifics'. When you consider that the higher-Self is practical and seeks to enter in to human form to express the practicalities of service in all fields of human endeavour then it is essential to open oneself to the flow of the Presence no matter the focus of one's outer attention. Whether it is teaching a child to sew a button onto a shirt or studying the weather or disease on a global scale, attuning with the flow of the Presence is the right attitude and first qualification for truly knowing the specific object of one's attention.

Which ever way you shake it the first injunction remains: "man, know thyself". To know Self is to know any 'thing' as Self reveals the true nature and activity of the 'thing'. Similarly, to know any specific 'thing' as it truly is is most likely (but not always) the result of the Presence opening one's mind to the true nature of the 'thing'. Ahh forget it.

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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
The ultimate challenge/problem is that I seem to know what I'm looking for, I know how it feels and its quality, there is no question to all of this. In fact, visualisation, mantras and mudras and what not, feel silly to be because I KNOW.
However, the 'tools' for these processes always accomplish to frustrate me. It doesn't matter whether I am animating and struggle with the program, trying to be aware but forget to breathe, meditating but all I hear is people talking in the distance, a sudden bark, my nose itches or if it is about talking to my higher self and all I get is ideas rambling in my own dome.
Understood. When the taste is known the frustrations to knowledge are... well... frustrating. The best tool i ever came across is the spoken word itself. The "word" in the ancient traditions is the christ-consciousness. It can be creatively released through all the subtle energy centers including the throat chakra in the spoken word. Whatever is held in thought and feeling can be amplified greatly by the spoken word, most especially if you begin to feel the flow of the Presence. That's why i find mantras and affirmations effective because if the mind wanders it can be brought back to the intent of the spoken word.

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Originally Posted by Czymra View Post
Seriously, someone open the bloody gates.
Be my guest...
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Old 01-19-2009, 03:22 PM   #16
Czymra
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,151
Default Re: A Tale of Self-Discovery

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Syntax? You've just given me a money making idea....
How is that?

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Do you anticipate leaving very soon?
I've got till May to throw out my creative 'out poor' and then I'll be off. After that, time doesn't matter.


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Like?
Anything that has to do with light and sound. Their geometrical networks as explored by Furia, the synethesia effects between a tone and a colour, the importance of water, a reinvention of language... in fact the only thing that hasn't been touched upon is going beyond symbolism. I shall have my domain.
The thing is just that I lack the mathematical and scientific base to 'catch up'. My head still blocks it.

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If it is true that the whole can be found within each part then it is just a matter of focus. How wide or narrow becomes less important so long as the part you focus on is truly known. Then your question of higher or lower levels can be resolved. To know the heart or true nature of anything is to Be in the heart. The heart of the lowliest part is the height of being.
Maybe what I consider a general level has just been superficial. I do not think so but the problem is that I understand things emotionally or so (maybe not even that) but certainly not in a very applicable way.

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The higher-Self has inspired many a soul to focus on solving one of life's scientific, medical or mathmatical problems. This raises your concept of 'flow' as it relates to 'specifics'. When you consider that the higher-Self is practical and seeks to enter in to human form to express the practicalities of service in all fields of human endeavour then it is essential to open oneself to the flow of the Presence no matter the focus of one's outer attention. Whether it is teaching a child to sew a button onto a shirt or studying the weather or disease on a global scale, attuning with the flow of the Presence is the right attitude and first qualification for truly knowing the specific object of one's attention.

Which ever way you shake it the first injunction remains: "man, know thyself". To know Self is to know any 'thing' as Self reveals the true nature and activity of the 'thing'. Similarly, to know any specific 'thing' as it truly is is most likely (but not always) the result of the Presence opening one's mind to the true nature of the 'thing'. Ahh forget it.
Actually, that's quite good. I can't hear this enough. My problem is probably patience then. Nothing new, yet again. But maybe I'm also just finding a blatant answer without looking at the actual problem.
OR I'm trying to find a problem where there is none. 0_0

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Understood. When the taste is known the frustrations to knowledge are... well... frustrating. The best tool i ever came across is the spoken word itself. The "word" in the ancient traditions is the christ-consciousness. It can be creatively released through all the subtle energy centers including the throat chakra in the spoken word. Whatever is held in thought and feeling can be amplified greatly by the spoken word, most especially if you begin to feel the flow of the Presence. That's why i find mantras and affirmations effective because if the mind wanders it can be brought back to the intent of the spoken word.
The word I considered to be the most pretentious of all. It's a matter of the signified being lost in the signifier. Back to Zen, you understand. True intention, yet again, comes from a source I can't name properly.
I think the problem is that when there isn't a name for it, a term, some handle, then one forgets, and that is the realy misery.

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Be my guest...
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