Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i beg...

[Tango]

An Irishman was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

''I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you,
you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned,
he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said,
'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded...
'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz,
I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from all the fookin' skippin'



Trooly,

Tango

[Tango]

Your prob. Right... I only git to see the people from MN from Oct. thru May...
When they are here in Arizona... Then they take their jokes back home for the
Summer.

See... Minn... Don't you people Drink a lot. Take off ALL your clothes go in water
And other weird stuff something about 10,000 Lakes... Fishy...
You, guyz throw balls at other guyz...

What's a Lake....? What's UFF DA mean.....?

You guyz have Vikings in MN, Really.....?

It's rained here in the Phoenix area 4 times this year...

Trooly,


Tango

Originally Posted by TheObserver

Good stuff Tango but a hint from a native of MN, it's Sven and Ole, not Ole and Sven (apols if you simply cut/paste) to tell a Sven'n'Ole joke properly.

[Zeddo]

The jokes I have aren't fit for this forum, hence me not posting here.....yet. So, to break my personal laugh drought, I'll serve you with what transpired to be rather hilarious after the fact. It really wasn't at the time!

I awoke in a foul mood for one or another reason, very possibly due to work pressure. Off I went to work and had to do follow up n an off-site crew via telephone. I dialed the number and when the phone was answered could hear what sounded like a full on party going on in the background, this at 9:30 in the morning?(Oh yes, it was via mobile phone).
When R answered I barked out "Where the hell are you, I have been trying the site office with no response, you know the deadline we are up against and we have to submit that report this morning."
"Sorry Larney (a term for boss), but I am sick today so I am in bed"
"SICK !!! If you are (expletives removed) sick, then I'm a frigging frenchmans uncle, get your lazy bum to the office right now and I will be there in 45 minutes, I am leaving now. If you aren't there when I get there, then don't bother coming back to work. What the hell is going on there, it sounds like you're having a frigging party !!!"

With that, I cut the call off hopped in the vehicle and went to site. When I got there, everything was going smooth as silk and the person I had spoken to asked why my phone was engaged, he had been trying to get the info to me all morning for the up-coming meeting!!! The poor guy had been at work the whole time, I had dialled the wrong number and got someone else with the same name on the phone who was bunking work. I bet he was shocked to get to work to find out nobody from his place of employ had phoned him !!!!

It didn't end there. I duly left site went back to the office and needed to phone home. This time on the land line. The day hadn't improved for me and I was still running a short fuse. I dial and the youngster answers. Now you need to understand that I was busy trying to get the one young-un to stop his nasal pasage talking. SO !!! When he answered the phone and was whining I really lost it (bad daddy I know, shame on me) and freaked out at him for answering the phone and not speaking in a fashion whereby I could understand what he was saying. The poor lad burst out crying and was terribly distraught and started wailing for Mommy. Well, you can imagine my surprise when "Mommy" turned out to be a total stranger !!! I had dialed the wrong number AGAIN !!!! Hoo boy, you bet I hung up very quickly without so much as a sorry, wrong number !!!

Z

[Céline]

What happens when you put the batteries, backwards, in the energizer bunny?












He keeps coming and coming and coming.....

[Tango]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was

getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing

a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't

really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too

concerned about it. One day, while the boy was

away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.

He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table

four objects:

1. A Bible.
2. A Silver Dollar.
3. A Bottle of Whisky.
4. And a Playboy Magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to
himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see
which object he picks up."
"If it's the bible, he's going to be a preacher like me,
and what blessing that would be! If he picks up the
dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be
okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good
drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And
worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's
footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for
his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to
leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With
curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his
arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his
pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while
he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered.

"He's gonna run for Congress."

Trooly,


Tango

[TheObserver]

Yes Tango AZ is to MN as FL is to NY it seems. My parents know a few 'snowbirds' and my uncle has moved there permanently.
I never did 'drunk & naked in the snow' but my ex and i had our wedding reception in a curling club!
Loved the skipping and congressman jokes! I trooly did!

[Céline]

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:




"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter"

[Oliver]

Originally Posted by Céline

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:




"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and
messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell
from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter"

[Tango]

Its the Bread...?

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and
asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every
day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have
great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed
any help.

He said "Do you have any rye bread ?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would
you like some ?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you
get to the third loaf, it'll be hard...."

He replied, "I can't believe it. Everybody knows
about this stuff but me..."


Trooly,


Tango


Someone's got to clue this 'old guy' in... She's talking about the Bread, mate.

[Tango]

A crusty old man walks into the local Baptist Church and says to the secretary, I would like to join this damn church.

The astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?

Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this damn church!

I'm very sorry, sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church...
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastors study to inform him of her situation.. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both returned to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, Sir, what seems to be the problem here...?

There is no damn problem, the man said. I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. I see, said the pastor. And is this bitch giving you a hard time?


And, that's how a famous pastor in made...


Trooly,



Tango

[Jnana]

BEFORE YOU CRITICIZE SOMEONE

Walk a mile in their shoes.





Then you'll be a mile away.

And you'll have their shoes.

[burgundia]

A cat is chasing a mouse but the mouse manages to hide in the hole. The cat is sitting by the hole thinking:" The mouse is afraid of me, but is not afraid of the dog....". And the cat starts barking....the mouse hearing the dog comes out. The cat then snatches it and devours. What lesson can be learned here?????? It is good to know languages....

[Tango]

This is sooooooooo Funnny... Just watch it......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnXiDWKXh-0


0wwwwwwwww.......... His poor head... so funny...

Officer it just went 0FF.... It was only a drink.


Trooly,


Tango

[iainl140285]

The last argument
(Courtesy of Mr Tango )


O.K. Honey!

We're here!

I said I was sorry!

You can come out now

[Tango]

I'm laughing as I post this... I didn't write these... Wooo Aaaaa
I get email from an older lady... Look:

Men strike back!

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
-----------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- --------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to. And, its the only way out.
------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head
and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and
to the select few women who can handle it


I think they're funny... Not to be taken serious,,,


Trooly,


Tango

[mudra]

What's Your Name, Again?

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.
One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Love Always
mudra

[Tango]

Deleted.

[mudra]

That last one was funny Tango ...

Laugh Always
mudra

[rhythm]

Hey guys

this thread is

commpletly nuts ...

who started all this

some nutter ...

[mudra]

Vids from Bushy !!!! Enjoy the ride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN5Mqr6tRlw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r395r...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUx...eature=related

Laugh Always
mudra

[mudra]

I have put some other nuts in the cracker

Laugh Always
mudra

[bushycat]

I heard a man say the other day that the only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

[Tango]

Deleted.

[Peace of mind]

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him..

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much l ike my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said
You'd be paying for her things, too."

Peace

[Tango]

" The moral of this story is "put your brain in gear before opening your mouth"

WIFE:

What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:

Definitely not!

WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:

Of course I do.

WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:

You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:

(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:

Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:

- - silence - - more silence - - -............

HUSBAND:

F * ck....

And, than the fight Really, I mean Really.... Started...


Trooly,



Tango