[Brinty]

Hey! where has everyone gone? This place has been like a morgue for the last few nights. What say we brighten things up a bit, turn the TV off and get back to drinking again? Dan, open the bar up and start serving those umbrelly slushys with the cherries on a toothpick - you know, those brightly coloured, bubbly, rocket fuel ones.

In the meantime, I must tell you of a tourist who stayed for a couple of nights in our country home. He was intent on seeing the wildlife and photographing as much of it and the scenery as he could. He sat down to his first breakfast of bacon and eggs, and coffee. As mum was clearing his plate away she asked if he's enjoyed the meal.

"Yes maam, it was dee-licious. What kind of meat was it?"
"Oh that's bacon." replied mum.
"Bacon huh, and what animal does that come from?"
"Why, it comes from a pig."

After he'd finished his coffee he left to go exploring. Mum pointd out that he shouldn't go too far as lunch would be at 12:00 sharp. He duely arrived in time for lunch and sat down to one of mum's salads.

As the plate was cleared away he commented that the meat was nice and tender and had a particularly nice flavour. "Maam, that was another dee-licious meal. What was the name of the meat?"
"That was ham."
"I see, and which animal do we have to thank for producing such fine, tender, tasty ham?"
"Oh, just another example of meat produced by a pig."

After lunch he went off with his camera promising to be back in time for dinner at 7:00pm. For dinner, mum served roast pork with crackling and gravy. As our guest sat back and wiped his chin, he complemented mum on a fine meal and asked what the meat had been. Mum told him it had been pork.

"Maam, I have never in my life, tasted meat like that, which animal do we thank for producing it?"
"We have to thank the pig for that. Now is there anything else I can get you?"
"Well maam, it's a tradition back home, that we have a jug of water with the main meal."
"I'm sorry, I should have thought of that. I'll bring you some straight away."


Mum went to the kitched and was back a minute later with a frosty jug of water and a glass. The tourist filled his glass and sipped the water. He must have found that it was quite acceptable because over the next ten minutes he polished off the whole jug.

"Maam, that water was the most dee-licious water I have ever tasted, where do you get it from?"
"Oh," replied mum, "we've got our own bore in the back yard."

The tourist jumped up knocking his chair over in surprise and said, "Goddamn, you Aussies don't waste any part of a pig do you!!"