Spregovori

It is hard for me to respond. I am afraid to offend people. There are so much details I do not know. This will be more "mind based" than spiritual based message.

In whatever happens to me....I try to see - WHY.

I wish this for you to be a learning experience.

Thinking about suicide....I believe you are thinking about it...but I do not believe you actually want to do it. You know this. In your innermost "core" there are "safety mechanizes" preventing this. Do not fight this it is taking most of your energy.

I do not want to sound harsh...but people mostly do not understand themselves...expecting them to understand others can be "too much" (even if they are your friends an family).
I know myself, from my own experiences, that it can be hard, but i learned it is not "ok" if i get sad, after i assume others will understand me, simply because i wish them to..and it does not happen. Nothing wrong with wishing here, just try not to demand it.

I also wish you recovery, pleasant feelings, happiness, love, joy,...in whatever form you wish for it to manifest - keep your mind on this things...