Lady Rae

Hello, everyone. I know you don't know me, as I am a new member, and this is my first post. However, I joined this community in hopes that someone could help me. It looks promising, at least.

When I was a little girl, I saw ghosts all the time. I would talk to them, if they weren't the scary type. I also just knew things sometimes, with no explanation as to how I knew it. I would sometimes answer people's questions before they claimed to have asked them, even though I heard them asking. Studying was never necessary for me, until late high school. I could speak as clearly as my mom could before I was 2 years old, and by age 3, I was already reading words like "Philadelphia." Spelling was something I had a little trouble with, because for some reason, it has always been difficult for me to grasp the American spelling of words like neighbour, centre, grey, practise, etc. I always wanted to spell them what I called the "correct" way. At that time, I'd never read or seen anything spelled this way, as I have always lived in Arkansas.

Around the time I was 9-12, I became VERY interested in the paranormal. Still, I had not heard anything to pique my interest. My family certainly didn't take interest in anything like this, but for some reason, I was drawn to it. I just sort of "knew" what to look up. Telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection. Once I was already interested, I discovered that a new TV program was coming to Disney Channel that had all these things in it. Remember So Weird? I lived for that show, and even became upset when Fi left. During this age, I also began having difficulty communicating. I became nervous and withdrawn, and I found it difficult to formulate questions. Answers were easy, but questions were next to impossible.

Once I got in junior high, I pretty much stopped looking into the paranormal. I was already called a freak, even though I'd never told anyone what I was interested in. I certainly didn't need to fuel the fire. In high school, things I once found so easy were becoming difficult. I began having to study. Ghosts were no longer coming around, or if they were, I couldn't see them. I couldn't answer people's questions prior to their asking. One thing that stuck around, however, was my grasp of language and spelling. It even crossed over into my French studies. I could understand what was said when the rest of the class could not. Even the exchange students noticed it, and would say things to me in their native languages...which I would then reply to. I couldn't speak their languages, but if I wasn't paying attention that it wasn't English, I could almost always understand what they were saying.

Another thing that happened in high school was that once, while I was walking through the school with my arms loaded (backpack, purse, saxophone, God-knows-what-else, etc.), I was approaching the doors to go outside to my uncle's car. It was after school, and no one was in the hallway at the time. Once I got to the door, I shifted everything around so I could open it. I barely put out my right hand, and both doors flew open, never closing until I passed through. I know I never touched either one. Sometimes when I'd go shopping and would look at the CDs or DVDs, some might fall off the shelves. No one else was around those times, either, and I hadn't touched them. I still have no explanation for either of these occurrences.

Aside from that, not much has happened over the past few years, until recently. Once when I was 8, I saw a black shadow with red eyes looking at me in my mom's closet. This happened again in the living room one night in June when I was 19, except this time, it touched my right shoulder before I turned to see it. It appeared a third time in my bathroom this summer. This time, I ran into the kitchen adjacent to it, where the light was still on. I saw the same shadow (or possibly a second one) in the dining room on the other side of the kitchen. My dog had began barking and cowering at the doorways to both rooms, and the light behind me switched off by itself a few times. I stood there for well over an hour before anyone noticed that I was still standing in the middle of the kitchen at 1am. Each time this shadow appeared, I was scared to death.

Since I graduated high school, I have been disinterested in mundane tasks and conversation. I don't want to talk about what's on TV, and I could care less about what propaganda the media is spreading, unless any of it has to do with the paranormal and government conspiracies. It's difficult to think at times.

I have dreams that I can't seem to remember, even though I know I have them. I also feel like there is something I should know but have forgotten. Whatever it is I've forgotten is so important that forgetting it almost feels as bad as if someone I love has died. I don't know what this could be. Recently, I've also been looking into dimensional travel (time/space), and have tried to grasp the concepts. At times, I can almost understand it, but there is some sort of mental block keeping me from it. And on some things I find, even though what I read makes perfect sense, I just know it's wrong. That what it says is incorrect and would never work. I have nothing to base this on. No prior knowledge.

I have a longing to travel. I don't feel like this is where I'm suppose to be, but I don't know where to begin. I don't have the money to travel, and try as I might to get a job, I still can't get one. I just want to travel. Not stay anywhere for more than a month or two, maybe, but I just want to travel. See a few places in the world for the cultural aspect of it, but that's not enough. I don't want to just see this world. I want to explore and experience others. I'd also love to be able to travel through time just to observe. I have nothing I would change, simply because I think it's unwise to change what has already happened.

Sorry for rambling, and thanks to anyone who reads this wall of text. I just have no one I can talk to about this offline, and when I found Projects Camelot and Avalon, I hoped someone might finally be able to explain things and help me.

Also, if this is in the wrong area, I do apologize, and request that it be moved to the correct forum.

Thank you.