[MMe M]

I guess ill have to be quiet too. Much as that will please many and lessen the

controversy here on these pages. Ill miss all of you.



Even you, Baggy!



I don’t talk about my personal problems on here. I come here often to see

whats going on, other peoples take on issues and every once in awhile

someone posts a killer link about something that either has a different slant

or is wholly new to me. Money is unfortunately a huge personal problem with

me right now. I’m not home; I’m with my husband while he travels for work.

He has been laid off, on and off since February of this year. We have been all

over the country to sign books looking for work, as he is a Union Electrician

so when it gets as bad as it did in Michigan, that’s what you have to do. You

have to sign each local’s book in person. It’s new to us, being laid off. He had

never been laid off for more than two months previously. It wasn’t a pleasure

trip by any means. We slept in a lil old geo that incidentally broke down

twice, ate once a day and snacked on freebies where available, bargained for

cheap rates on motels when we just couldn’t stand another night without a

shower and stretching out full. It was a rough road trip but I did see so much

and met many wonderful awakened people all the way to west coast and

back. I actually saw a moose, so close on the side of the road grazing I could

have reached out and touched her. I saw a porcupine! In real life! I

witnessed chem spraying without a plane, I saw a cold rain forest, so

breathtakingly beautiful words are ill equiped to describe the majesty,

mystery and green goodness of the place. Petunia's the size of dinner plates

in June. June! Mine were maybe as big as a half dollar by then. I felt the

grand California sunshine on my head and went blonde in bout two minutes, I

saw generational never ending poverty on reservations and felt in some areas

a deep foreboding and darkness of spirit I am still uncormfortable with when I

recall mile after mile of this land. Custer should have known better. Miles of

railroads in the desert with car after car loaded with military vehicles,

equipment, and much of it I could not find online to have a refference for.

Semi tractor trailors with even more military stuff for mile after mile. You cant

pump you own gas in Oregon. How weird! We got out to do it but were

always beat to the pump. There are still vast tracts of unihabited land.



Unfortunately for us, when steady work did finally come it wasn’t soon

enough for the bank whom we had tried to keep informed, filled out all their

requested papers three times, etc. We have fought the good fight, but have

gotten too far behind to save our home from foreclosure. The bank filed very

shortly after 90 days. My home was a hideous neglected Georgian style heap

but I loved it and it was a bargain at the price we got it for. Even still today

after a changed economy. I have looked for twenty years and found nothing

better, noting more achingly regal, a grand old dam in a threadbare gown,

once beautiful with the promise of what could be again if someone would love

her, than this home. We were going room to room restoring, arguing, undoing

mistakes made by others before us, working till we were numb on the yard

that was piled with garbage, researching techniques and historically accurate

examples of others similar efforts. Back breaking work. It was the happiest I

have ever been. I am deeply wounded by the callous disregard of the banks

for people that have lived through the worst year we have ever had

regarding finances. We didn’t have an arm reset; we don’t have big credit

card debt. We don’t even have car loans. We went in clean for a 30 year

fixed at 6.25. We are not irresponsible people, nor too young for the

responsibility, or ill equipped, but are living in extraordinary times.




I told you all that not for sympathy. It s a sad story and it’s why I don’t

mention things like this here. Please don’t pity me, don’t pay for me. I am

pathetic enough to have humbled myself here tonight, airing all my woes and

troubles for all to see that I don’t want someone’s charity to add to a never

ending list of things to try to forget about 2008. I don’t want anyone to feel

sorry for me. I am like so many millions that have lost everything. My pride is

all I’ve left, and precious little that seems some days. Pity breeds contempt.

Hate me for me, because I’m a high tearing bitch, because I’m strong willed

and stubborn, because I argued with you on a thread you felt strongly about,

not because you see me as a pathetic weakened creature. Wounded I most

certainly am. Weak, I am not.



The reason I tell you my story is that I cannot justify money spent on this.

Every time I contemplate the cost I remember my half dressed Georgian lady

that ill not be able to go home to ever again and I am heart sick all over. I

just cannot justify the expense when I have had to be so thrifty to hold on

this long.



Since I will have to be silent soon I hope you can forgive this one last

outburst. I wish you all well, and will just say Good night for now.