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Old 09-27-2008, 01:11 AM   #23
Princess Mew Mew
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 53
Red face Re: Enough is enough!

Aloha, this will be my first post on this forum and I thought this was the best topic for me to start.. The only thing I can do, is share my experiences in hopes that it will help.

What I have been through, this year alone, has been absolutely overwhelming, enlightening, MIND BLOWING, confusing, horrifying, depressing, ecstatic, etc. I grew up, extremely confused, extremely depressed and I was born as being very sensitive, the worst is that I have grown up feeling deeply alone. Thus I began a path of numbness, hate, anger. Now all of that is washing away as I have awoken into a world I knew existed as a child, but I see that magic is real, I finally know who I am and what I'm supposed to do and I cannot tell you how happy I feel about it, about myself, about everything. And I cannot begin to explain how confused I was most of my life. But I grew up thinking that we were all machines, that there is no such thing as 'spirits' or 'soul' and thus I grew up thinking that my mind was me, that I wasn't a soul..

With that being said.. and it would take more time than I would like to explain what I've been through this year.. but I will share what I think is important. Earlier this year was extremely chaotic, I was stressed beyond stressed. I was extremely suicidal, falling in and out of darkness, emptiness, loneliness. I was trying to make sense of it all, I felt the deterioration of my mind. I was beginning to hallucinate, I was thrown right into it. I was having very vivid open and closed eye hallucinations and audio hallucinations. I now believe they were visions and also real. I was so down, that these 'hallucinations' couldn't do anything to me, not even cause fear which is a space I have grown in. Instead it caused curiosity. And my journey was only beginning.. I had to figure out what was happening to me, I had to make sense of it all, and a lot of answers came quickly. I became obsessed with researching, I became obsessed with finding the truth. And as I stepped out of my apathetic ways, I saw a lot of truth and discovered more of the lies. Eventually I realized, I had finally realized who I was, these were beautiful times within the chaos of change. I realized that I am soul as soul is me. And that we are all one. I cried with joy for days, I still cry with joy from these memories.

Back to the confusion, and I am still in some confusion but I can say that I am not nearly as confused as I have ever been in my life. I am in a process of eliminating fear and surrounding myself with love. I have already seen what my presence and words can do to those who live in too much fear. They seem to tremble, they can't handle the frequency so they get the hell away from me as fast as they can. What am I showing them? What does anyone ever show you but ultimately yourself? So their fear is bouncing right back at them and sometimes it's really hard for me to witness..

My Kung Fu teacher used to always tell me "There is no try, only do". I used to get SO frustrated over this but now I understand. I understand, for myself, that the answers will come, they are within me, and I have learned to stop thinking so much, because thinking is what is getting in the way of my feelings, of my focus, of my intent. The answers are all showing up when needed, with love and lack of fear, I am able to make the 'right' decisions. And my understanding about what is 'right' or 'wrong' is that, what we FEEL is right or wrong, will be. What I do now, is follow my intent. I take full responsibility for who I am and what I do wrong or right. I thank myself for refusing to create regrets, something that since I was young, would teach people as something bad, always bad. Many have disagreed.. and many still disagree with me. What has been difficult this year is that I have been insulted and deemed 'mentally insane' by some acquaintances and friends. BUT it is to MY understanding... that I have been mentally insane my whole life, until now. That I have been trapped within the workings of my mind in it's constant manipulated state my whole life. I never push my beliefs on others, yet they still feel compelled to fight me. I believe it is my feelings of passion for who I am and who we are, that makes them feel threatened and that again all comes down to fear.

It has only been until about, maybe a couple weeks ago (sorry I don't follow time and dates, I do what I feel is right, when I feel it needs to be done) that I realized for myself what it is I must do. And I will share this.. What I feel I must do, is buy land, and build my home, a self sustainable home using solar energy, etc, I have the schematics for all of this. I realize, that I must first help myself do what I think is right, walk the talk, and then, with my experience, help others learn to do what they feel is right for themselves. Help others realize that we are all leaders, that we are all beings of love, and it's just that a lot of people don't know this. I have already helped many awaken and I am ever so grateful to our Creator for this. I have been meditating, assessing my friends (feeling their aura, their chi, their life force and letting them know if I think there's something wrong) and by doing this I have helped many of my friends 'feel' again. They can feel themselves more than ever. And I am always glad to help. We're all in this together! I show every person all the love that I have. The challenges I have faced, I am still facing my worst fears, my fears are breaking down like a domino effect. All I can really say, based off my experience, is that you will just KNOW what to do, when you're ready to know, when it's your time to realize. That is how it came to me, through others, through myself, from everything.

I would like to share with you also some of the bizarre things that have happened to me and are still happening to me everyday. I have heard voices shout at me, out of nowhere. I have seen 'shadow people'. I have been seeing 11:11, 9:11, 2:22, etc. almost every single day I'll for some reason see 11:11AM and 11:11PM. This is becoming more frequent, I don't understand it AT ALL and I am okay with this. Many people see this. The most recent things/abilities I have been experiencing within the month of August and September... I have been 'psychic' or getting extremely vivid daydream moments of possible events that are about to occur.. I am seeing exactly what is about to happen, and it has happened exactly that way but I realized, that it only happened because I didn't intervene! I was out til 3AM bike riding with my friend and I kept getting these horrible images of my roommate, his face was bashed and bloody and blood running down his chest and arms. I didn't panic, but I took it seriously because I saw all my previous visions come true. I came home, and I intervened, I caused a change the possible outcome.. because it was only a possibility, it was not set in stone! When I got home, he was in a very bad situation with another person, I stepped in and said (please excuse my language) What the **** is going on?, my heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to die, I kept asking him "Why are you talking to me this way?" "Why are you acting like this?" He had threatened to kill me, kept telling me to get out of his room (I wasn't in his room). He was extremely drunk, playing mind games with another person whom was also playing mind games with him! I told him straight up "I know what you're doing, you both need to stop" He got extremely offended by what I was saying, I was telling them what to do, so I can understand why he felt so threatened.. I was ruining their game, I've played many of them myself.. the situation broke up, the person left and my roommate quickly calmed down. I will not say or take any credit for 'saving' anyone, in that situation, he saved himself.

Wow.. I think I've written enough and I may have gone off topic too much.. So I'll end it with this.. You are incredible, you are awesome, you are amazing, you will know, when you are ready, what you must do. I love you. And I love all. Aloha ka ko

Last edited by Argante; 10-01-2008 at 04:48 PM. Reason: vulgarity
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