Timetotelltheworld, if you are feeling suicidal then you need help to get you beyond the feelings you are currently experiencing. People who have gone through this type of trauma often experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and tend to slide into a depression where they feel trapped and don't seem to know how to get out of.
I know of several therapy modalities that could clear these feelings within minutes if you had the right therapist to go to who was trained in this. These type of treatments do not involve drugs. It is also been very effective on vets and could help you recover a sense of peace in a very short period of time.
Please do not give up on yourself. Know in your heart there really is a way out of the emotional pain and suffering you've endured and that there is peace in living if you give yourself the opportunity to seek it.
