[Moxie]

It does seem that one goes into despair before the view clears or the heart is opened.... reading others' biographies, that seems to be the case, as w/Tolle, deep, dark abyss of despair, suicidal... tormented w/ questions like "what's the point", "what is life about", "why am I so unhappy"... having a haunting desire to Know...
or those suffering in other ways, addictions, for example, you hear the hit rock bottom.

But I do know one thing: you can't get to anywhere from here if you don't own and accept where you are right now.

I often think too, that are lives are so rich, right now, in the moment and we've simply become oblivious to much of this richness by a bombardment from the conditioning of our society, thru the media, new age & other religions, our job... being disconnected from nature.

You are aware that something is missing... it might simply be that feeling of being alive! Moment to moment. I think the greatest realization came to me when my stepson asked me where does time go and it came out of my mouth was spontaneous, I said ... it doesn't go anywhere because there is only Now... everything happens Now.

that was my first taste of Eternity and I was 30 yrs old.

When I read your opening remarks and saw you asking for advice, I almost cringed because you will get Plenty of it by asking that! (chuckles)...

You cannot Be outside of God for God is either Everything or Nothing at all. I choose this word God knowing full well that everyone has their own understanding or belief, it doesn't matter.

Heed your intuition and avoid feeling shame that you lack anything because you don't "resonate" <(geyawd I'm tired of that word) with all the love, light poll-parroting that goes on around here. Accept where you are, cultivate the desire for knowledge.
Examine the word "belief" and how beliefs affect your everything.