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Seashore · 06-02-2009, 10:59 PM

I am reading the book Will & Spirit by Gerald G. May, M.D.

I just read a passage about emotional freedom. It is an anecdote that people may be able to relate to as it might apply to overcoming victim mentality. It's from pages 186 - 187 of the book:

"I had been practicing one form of meditation or another for about two years. Usually I used the meditation to help me relax. It had no special spiritual significance for me at the time; it was just an expedient way of collecting myself to handle the stresses of daily life. One morning I was feeling very depressed and angry. Something had gone on between my husband and me; I don't remember the exact conflict now, but it had me feeling very down and very agitated. I had a lot of trouble relaxing and "centering down" for my meditation that morning, but after about fifteen minutes I felt myself really going deep. The agitation had stopped--just through relaxing, I guess--and my mind seemed very open and calm.

I kept feeling as if I--or my consciousness--was sinking into deeper and deeper levels of my mind. There was no specific content to the experience, no real thoughts or feelings. Just very deep relaxation. Then at some point I remember noticing the depression and frustration start up again. It seemed as if they came from a place in me which was only slightly deeper than where my awareness was. I didn't feel badly about those feelings starting. I was sort of dispassionate about them...just noticing what they were.

Then for a few minutes I sort of "went into" the feelings. And it seemed as if there were layers of them, the depression and agitation first, and the anger right beneath that. And then below that there was a mixture of fear and self-doubt. Finally, below that, there was a longing and a loving so immense that it almost terrified me. I backed off a bit, and found myself in the old depression-anger state again.

While I was sitting there just feeling and watching my state of mind a simple thought came, something like "I don't have to feel this way if I don't want to." And with that the depression and anger suddenly changed to light and joy. It was as if an inner face had suddenly stopped frowning and started smiling. I became fascinated with the change, and found that with just the slightest inclination of attitude I could create any feeling I wanted. For a time, then, I was just experimenting with feeling all kinds of different ways--silly, sad, bored, erotic, fearful, angry, vengeful, loving, sweet, despairing, all the different nuances of emotion you could imagine.

Behind it all there was another rising feeling. This was different from the rest, because it wasn't so "up-front." The only way I can describe it is that it was a kind of joyful confidence and deep relief. I remember thinking again, "I can feel any way I want." As time went on I think I became rather entranced by my own power to control my feelings and with that the space and freedom disappeared. I was left unable to influence the feelings. But this was not really disappointing because I was also left with the notion that it doesn't really matter how I feel. I can still identify that wonderful freedom of not having to run my life on the basis of how I feel at any given moment.

That experience happened over a year ago, and I've never been able to recapture or duplicate it. But I still have some of the confidence it gave me. Never again will I think it's the end of the world just because I feel terribly afraid or despairing. At some level I know now that feelings are...just feelings."

06-02-2009, 10:59 PM	#5
Seashore Avalon Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 3,564	Re: Victim Mentality I am reading the book Will & Spirit by Gerald G. May, M.D. I just read a passage about emotional freedom. It is an anecdote that people may be able to relate to as it might apply to overcoming victim mentality. It's from pages 186 - 187 of the book: "I had been practicing one form of meditation or another for about two years. Usually I used the meditation to help me relax. It had no special spiritual significance for me at the time; it was just an expedient way of collecting myself to handle the stresses of daily life. One morning I was feeling very depressed and angry. Something had gone on between my husband and me; I don't remember the exact conflict now, but it had me feeling very down and very agitated. I had a lot of trouble relaxing and "centering down" for my meditation that morning, but after about fifteen minutes I felt myself really going deep. The agitation had stopped--just through relaxing, I guess--and my mind seemed very open and calm. I kept feeling as if I--or my consciousness--was sinking into deeper and deeper levels of my mind. There was no specific content to the experience, no real thoughts or feelings. Just very deep relaxation. Then at some point I remember noticing the depression and frustration start up again. It seemed as if they came from a place in me which was only slightly deeper than where my awareness was. I didn't feel badly about those feelings starting. I was sort of dispassionate about them...just noticing what they were. Then for a few minutes I sort of "went into" the feelings. And it seemed as if there were layers of them, the depression and agitation first, and the anger right beneath that. And then below that there was a mixture of fear and self-doubt. Finally, below that, there was a longing and a loving so immense that it almost terrified me. I backed off a bit, and found myself in the old depression-anger state again. While I was sitting there just feeling and watching my state of mind a simple thought came, something like "I don't have to feel this way if I don't want to." And with that the depression and anger suddenly changed to light and joy. It was as if an inner face had suddenly stopped frowning and started smiling. I became fascinated with the change, and found that with just the slightest inclination of attitude I could create any feeling I wanted. For a time, then, I was just experimenting with feeling all kinds of different ways--silly, sad, bored, erotic, fearful, angry, vengeful, loving, sweet, despairing, all the different nuances of emotion you could imagine. Behind it all there was another rising feeling. This was different from the rest, because it wasn't so "up-front." The only way I can describe it is that it was a kind of joyful confidence and deep relief. I remember thinking again, "I can feel any way I want." As time went on I think I became rather entranced by my own power to control my feelings and with that the space and freedom disappeared. I was left unable to influence the feelings. But this was not really disappointing because I was also left with the notion that it doesn't really matter how I feel. I can still identify that wonderful freedom of not having to run my life on the basis of how I feel at any given moment. That experience happened over a year ago, and I've never been able to recapture or duplicate it. But I still have some of the confidence it gave me. Never again will I think it's the end of the world just because I feel terribly afraid or despairing. At some level I know now that feelings are...just feelings."