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Old 03-09-2009, 08:37 AM   #1076
Carmen
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Where are ya Dan< I finally found a good Bull (and Cow) story for you



21 Economic Models Explained

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.


FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.


BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the

milk away.


TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.


SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.


The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.


AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of

credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a

debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all

four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.



The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a

Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who

sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.



The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on

one more.



You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving

you with nine cows.



No balance sheet provided with the release.



The public then buys your bull.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want

three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market

it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and

milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.


AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your

country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.


AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive
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Old 03-09-2009, 08:51 AM   #1077
Brinty
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carmen View Post
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive
Oh dear Carmen, now we Kiwis will get flak from our Aussie mates about cows as well as sheep.
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:01 AM   #1078
rhythm
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

you lot are definitley
my soul family .
alcolholics
uninhibited cross dressers
a disgrace to the human race
and completley f ...in bonker
thats gonna be some party
on the return trip, brothers and sisters .
OUR ship stocking up the bar as i speak
keep wacthing for lights
you may see jimmy wavin
out the window , singing all along the watchtower ... well its been a long wait ...
see yer there me old heartys
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:02 AM   #1079
Carmen
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

I know Brinty, damn it all. I figured other nationalities wouldnt mind so much, as this joke was taking the **** out of New Zealand just as much.
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Old 03-09-2009, 11:17 AM   #1080
Czymra
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Quote:
SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.


The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Excellent! Very funny!
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Old 03-09-2009, 04:56 PM   #1081
Dantheman62
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

That's awesome Carmen!, I'm going to copy it and send it around! HaHa
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:46 PM   #1082
Relayer
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Hey fellas, check out the new waitress:
She's serving me my JellyBean.



Love and peace to all.
John
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Old 03-09-2009, 08:42 PM   #1083
Brinty
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

WOW!! I'd like to see her shake a cocktail.

My breath's coming in short pants just thinking about it.

I'd better take a blood pressure pill!
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:22 PM   #1084
Relayer
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brinty View Post
WOW!! I'd like to see her shake a cocktail.

My breath's coming in short pants just thinking about it.

I'd better take a blood pressure pill!
I've just taken my high blood pressure medication as well.
Not sure if its good to mix with alcohol though.
Take care my friend.
Best regards always,
john
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Old 03-10-2009, 02:48 AM   #1085
futureyes
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

gentlemen ... it is now very obvious what gender hires the waitresses in this lounge ...

brinty ... puleeze be careful ... you don't want to get too close to the hired hand ... remember the plane incident ...

haven't visited in a while ... fruity frilly with an umbrellie for futureyes please and thank you ...

hey ... wasn't johnny d in here recently ...
sigh ...
missed him again ...

to all the wonderful members here on avalon ...

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Old 03-10-2009, 04:17 AM   #1086
Brinty
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Gee, I wish you'd popped in a bit sooner futureyes, I did get too close and copped an elbow in the eye. At least, I think it was an elbow. Boy! she can sure shake those maracas of hers. Now I've got fruity drink all the way down to my knees. It got that far before I fell down and hid under a table. From here you get a completely different view of the patrons. And do you know, fruity drinks aren't the only things with frilly attachments.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:41 AM   #1087
futureyes
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

funny brinty ... when i stepped out of the lounge for a minute ... i had the strangest feeling that you were going to end up under a table!

i asked you to please be careful around her ...

brinty ... brinty ... brinty ...

now you're injured ...

next time brinty ... distance your self ...

you crack me up brinty ...

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Old 03-10-2009, 04:50 AM   #1088
BROOK
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Okay gals...it's equal opportunity employment here...
Here are the new waiters we just hired

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Old 03-10-2009, 05:24 AM   #1089
futureyes
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

yes brook!

NOW ... i'll be visiting this fine establishment more OFTEN!!!

may need to share brinty's pressure pills ...

ooooh ... let the FUN ... begin ...

good marketing brook ... i'm certain we'll be seeing many of the female patrons come back because of this ... rather .... THEM ...

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Old 03-10-2009, 09:44 AM   #1090
rhythm
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

NEW waiters where is
brintys blood pressure pills no for me
Was that a SNAKE i saw
or just me wishfull thinkin
waiter ill have a large one !
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Old 03-10-2009, 11:03 AM   #1091
Brinty
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

rhythmm, you want a large snake??? what kind of drink is that? You need to watch your intake of those, especially the green variety, they could cause you to lose something that might embarrass you.
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:25 PM   #1092
Luminari
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Thumbs up Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Thought I'd join you for a round of JD.. with my date Alice.




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Old 03-10-2009, 04:51 PM   #1093
Luminari
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Wink Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

White Rabbit for you Dan:





post 11:11
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Old 03-10-2009, 04:58 PM   #1094
futureyes
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Smile Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

rhythm ... i dreamt about snakes last night!!!



ahh ... gotta love this lounge ...

let's both share brinty's pills ...
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Old 03-10-2009, 05:22 PM   #1095
BROOK
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

We are getting closer and closer to catching up with the nexus thread in number of posts..keep it up!

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Old 03-10-2009, 08:42 PM   #1096
Brinty
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

I've tried keeping it up but the wind keeps knocking it down.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:58 PM   #1097
BROOK
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Don't you just hate it when that happens

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Old 03-10-2009, 09:57 PM   #1098
giovonni
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Question Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

Hey BROOK!
Guess What I"m Doing?

That's right!
I'm Dancing with Myself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VNx78SAq8M
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Old 03-10-2009, 10:34 PM   #1099
BROOK
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

He's learning to skydive next...

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Old 03-11-2009, 01:30 AM   #1100
Luminari
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Default Re: _AVALON LOUNGE_ Open 24 hours

If you have any problems with the avalon ark link to the ramtha book here is the location I found it originally (I have the real book too):

http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/5...ha?tab=summary

Make Known the Unknown!

Happy Travels

..or you can buy it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Ramtha-White-B...6735093&sr=1-1

but don't take my word for it, scroll down and read some of the glowing customer reviews.

Last edited by Luminari; 03-11-2009 at 01:35 AM.
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