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Old 12-21-2009, 07:28 PM   #1
Instead
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Default Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

You guys are the most respected group I could think to post this question to. Here goes:

Three years ago I was strongly disrespected by my wife's father. We live in separate states and every Christmas he and his wife want to get together with us and pretend nothing happened.

I think he should apologize in order to move on, in fact I even extended the olive branch a couple years ago and no apology still.

Looking for the wisdom of the elders on how I may feel at peace moving forward and not have a rift with my wife every year at this time.

I really don't want to feel that I NEED anything from him to not be angry.

Thanks and happy holidays to everyone.
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:31 PM   #2
Scarab
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

Does forgiveness require an apology?
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:37 PM   #3
waitinginthewings
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

This is always a sticky problem. I would maybe forgive him, & move beyond it. Its better imo to have harmonious family relations than to let some dispecretful words continue on. between you. Try to understand where this person is coming from, his views of the world.....if he is not awake yet......then forgiveness is easier. Invite them for dinner, check out the energy of the situation, & see if an opportunity presents itself for you to have a private conversation with this person. Maybe you could apologise to him for something that somehow was misunderstood or some action taken that caused hurt. This elder probably is not able to open up his own feelings and apologise, so to clear things....it may fall on your shoulders.

these are just my thoughts on your problem....others may have a better solution. But I think it is better for all souls if this problem is healed.
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:42 PM   #4
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

just tell them,

yes, i am - a crazy old fool

and, damn proud of it too !!!
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:44 PM   #5
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

it all, could be this

the other person,
is a good lesson about what you do NOT want to become

so, observe them closely

and, try NOT to laugh !!!
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:46 PM   #6
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

normally with people
you like 80% about them,
but, the 20% you do NOT like,
causes 80% of the problems

so, try to focus on the parts of them, that you can like

most people, if you ask them lots of questions

will like you ... so, maybe, it's time for a question list ?

ask him, some stuff, about your partner,
that, they might NOT know

you might be surprised, but, we can learn a lot from our elders
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Old 12-21-2009, 07:59 PM   #7
futureyes
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

hello instead ... here are my simple thoughts ...

living pretentiously like nothing happened is not the way to be ...
the pretentiousness down the road ... i feel will grow ... negative feelings ... may fester ...

i feel ... a resolve must be made ... the energy which becomes of the two of you is also energy rippled amongst everyone else involved ... whether they feel it ... or not ...

your self ... as the higher vibrational energy in this case ... could make a once and for all ... true attempt ... to set the situation of the surface straight ... and neutralize which is now leaning greatly to denseness ...

choose a time ... perhaps just prior to the time of sleep ...
call him ... speak to him from your heart ... speak what it is you feel ... do not involve anyone else into your conversation ... just speak of the impact this is upon your self ... speak how you felt then when it occurred ... and why ... and how it is affecting you now ... three years later ...
simply speak your truth ... from your heart ...

and you will either hear what it is you want to hear from him ... an apology ... and heal from his words ...

or you must also be prepared ... that after speaking from your heart ... your ears may not hear what your heart desires ...

and if this is the case ... then you your self forgive him ... and in doing so ... you will also heal from it ...

if you have TRULY spoken from your heart in those moments ... and he remains where he has been ... know that it is ok ... know that he then is not at a place spiritually ... to have taken a good look within ... and felt ... how his words pained you back then ... that at this time ... he is not capable of doing so ... but perhaps ... that such a time will arrive in the future ...

and for you ... to hold that space open for that to occur ... but not expect it ... it is our expectations of another ... that may not be fulfilled ... which cause us our own pain ...

if this happens to be the case ... then in your heart ... forgive him and release yourself of this emotion you have been living with ...

no ... it is not fair ... he SHOULD realize ... the situation at hand ...
but maybe he won't ... but it is also not fair ... that you live pretentiously every holiday season like this ... it is unfair to you ...

either way ... release your self of your expectations ... heal your self ... leave the space open for your wife's father to heal his self ... whenever is the appropriate time for him ...

perhaps it will be so immediately ... oh yeah ...
or perhaps he will ... after he speaks to you ... retire to sleep ... and seek his truth ... through higher self ... on another plane ...
and in the morning ... come to know that truth ... and who knows ... perhaps when you get together this year ... he will say something to you ...

but if it doesn't happen ... know you are ok without his apology ...
because you are ... and always will be ...

that is HIS work ... allow him to do so ...

all is well ... when our expectations are released ... and we know ... we will be just fine ... with or without ... what our ego desires ...

happy holidays!


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Old 12-21-2009, 11:42 PM   #8
Instead
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Default Re: Asking your advice on handling stressful holiday relatives

Thank you so much for your input. I have an amazing update!

We went to meet with my wife's family and her father was very respectful and went out of his way to communicate that he felt that I was a pert of his family. Further, he and his wife were attuned to the state of things and stated to me that they felt an economic collapse was pending.

They also stated that we were all welcome to stay with them on 80 acres they live on in the Blue Ridge mountains. I was blown away!

Everything in due time mind you, but I think that is great of them to offer.

I hope everyone gets good energy from this!

Blessings.
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