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Old 08-29-2009, 02:27 PM   #151
Moxie
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

What's the difference between a biitch and a hoar?
A hoar will phock anyone.
A biitch will phock anyone but you.
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:47 PM   #152
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Quote:
Originally Posted by judykott View Post


This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs




I have seen some photos already, but i wouldn't put them up here..... The lady in the photo was probably one of the first ones who had a breast enlargement...
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Old 08-29-2009, 04:49 PM   #153
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A secreatary to her boss: "Sir, can I use your dictaphone?"
The boss to his secretary:"Couldn't you just use your finger?"
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Old 08-29-2009, 07:42 PM   #154
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Old 08-29-2009, 11:09 PM   #155
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It's a Pepper that looks like a Mr. Happy... Don't believe Me.

I had someone give me several peter peppers from his garden in Conyers, GA. You can't eat 'em. Too hot! If you cut a tiny sliver on your cutting board, just to taste, you will probably die. If some of the juice from the cut pepper gets on your hands, just one molecule on your tongue will make you wish you were never born. Ai yi yi
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:51 AM   #156
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:25 AM   #157
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz-ChvkP7z4
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:26 AM   #158
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4DqwNZVibk
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:23 AM   #159
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

"What are you going to do today?"
- "Nothing."
- "You did that yesterday."
- " I know, but I haven't finished yet."
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Old 08-31-2009, 09:41 PM   #160
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be


AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.


John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying… and wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other.....



>>>

>>

>>>

>>>

'Look Paddy..... there's that fecking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!!!!'
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:00 PM   #161
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be



hehe
bou x
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Old 08-31-2009, 11:09 PM   #162
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This is an old one, but a good one . . . .

Three women were driving home after a day's golf when their car left the road on a bend, went through the guard rail and over a cliff. There were no survivors.

St Peter welcomed them at the Pearly Gates and told them that they were free to do as they chose without restrictions - the only rule was that they were to be careful not to step on any ducks. When they looked about, they saw that there were a lot of ducks waddling around. "If you step on one," says St Peter, "you will suffer a terrible fate - so take care."

The three women were careful to avoid the ducks but, after a week, one of them stepped on one. Within a split second St Peter appeared and told the culprit, "You were warned about the consequences of stepping on a duck and now you are about to suffer your permanent punishment. From now on, you will be shackled to the ugliest man in Heaven for the whole of eternity."

The poor woman was lead off sobbing and the remaining two were extra careful from then on. It was about six months later that the second woman stepped on a duck. In an instant St Peter appeared and she was shackled to the ugliest man you could imagine.

Well, the remaining woman was extremely careful after that. She had been in Heaven about two years without stepping on a duck when one day St Peter appeared in the company of the most handsome man she had ever set eyes on. He walked up to the woman and shackled her to this beautiful, muscular man.

She was stunned, what a magnificent example of manhood he was. She was so amazed at her good fortune she exclaimed out loud, "What in Heaven have I done to deserve this?"

The man replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
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Old 09-01-2009, 08:48 AM   #163
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Fab funnies here

much appreciation

in admiration of your

gifts .....
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:07 PM   #164
micjer
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by burgundia View Post
"What are you going to do today?"
- "Nothing."
- "You did that yesterday."
- " I know, but I haven't finished yet."

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Old 09-01-2009, 06:42 PM   #165
Tango
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*

Last edited by Tango; 09-27-2009 at 03:19 PM.
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Old 09-01-2009, 08:38 PM   #166
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Single vs. Engaged vs. MARRIED!!


Sipping her drink, the single
girl leered and said, "Last Friday, at the end of
the work day, I went to my friend's office wearing
a leather coat. When all the other people
had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was
a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto
heels. He was so aroused that we made
passionate love on his desk right then and there!"


The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my
story! When my fiance got home last Friday,
he found me waiting for him in a black mask,
leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps.
He was so turned on that we not only had sex
all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"


The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of
planning. I made arrangements for the kids
to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long
scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume.
I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a
black garter belt, black stockings
and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband
got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the
remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's
for dinner?"
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Old 09-01-2009, 09:09 PM   #167
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

We have found the 'Crackatinni' tribe and this must be their effort to 'green' Australia.

Experts thought the infamous 'Crackatinni' tribe had been wiped out years ago...until researchers stumbled upon a small cluster of tribe members in the middle of the harsh Australian outback.
The researchers were forced to approach quietly, lest they scare the inhabitants away before getting a chance to photograph them in their natural state...

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Old 09-01-2009, 09:22 PM   #168
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

VB
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Old 09-02-2009, 02:18 AM   #169
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

*

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Old 09-02-2009, 06:59 AM   #170
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Farmer Brown had just finished baling hay and was slowly driving his tractor and baler across the field towards the road. Sitting on the baler was his dog Buster. A split second before they reached the road, a young bloke in a fast car came sliding around the bend in the gravel road. As he pulled the car out of its skid, he saw the tractor and baler on the road in front of him. He hit the brakes and jerked the wheel and the car left the road, jumped the ditch and fence, skidded around a bale of hay, then snaked across the field out of control. It demolished numerous bales of hay that were scattered around the field as it slipped and slid around until it miraculously made its way back onto the road through the far gate.

All the while, farmer Brown just sat and stared as this demolition was going on. Finally he turned to his dig Buster and said, "By golly, we just got out of there in time didn't we?"
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Old 09-03-2009, 02:11 AM   #171
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Here's a video that always manages to bring a smile . . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgFjLB4VYSU
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Old 09-03-2009, 08:25 AM   #172
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YxSUrdX4zY
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Old 09-03-2009, 05:26 PM   #173
Swanny
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua .

As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got the dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started
to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua ?"

The woman said indignantly, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a fecking Chihuahua???????
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Old 09-04-2009, 05:27 PM   #174
Swanny
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Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:




--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes snacks and meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies , don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands..
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again , ' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who hav e children and don't know it , we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight , the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans , bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you will want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining , super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge so up yours.'

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Old 09-04-2009, 07:09 PM   #175
metaw3
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Make your own flu vaccine at home:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xac...vaccins-st_fun
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