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Old 07-14-2009, 09:16 PM   #76
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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Originally Posted by Brinty View Post
Well, rhythm, 69 was always one of my favorites.
Was always or...has been always...
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Old 07-14-2009, 09:27 PM   #77
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

St Peter stood at the Pearly Gates waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
"Jesus, can you mind the Pearly Gates while I go to the john?"
"Sure," says Jesus, "what do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family and their lives. Then decide whether they deserve to enter Heaven.
"Sounds easy enough, okay."
So Jesus waited at the Gates while St Peter went to the john.
The first person to approach the Gates was an old, wrinkled man. Jesus summoned him to the examination desk and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaning forward asked, "Did you have a family?"
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus caught his breath and leaning further forward in anticipation, asked, "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
With a tear in his eye, Jesus embraced the old man and whispered, "Father?"
The old man, with a look of amazement on his face, pushed Jesus back and looking at his face, asked, "Pinocchio, is it really you?"
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Old 07-14-2009, 09:35 PM   #78
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Old 07-14-2009, 10:24 PM   #79
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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Was always or...has been always...
It used to be burgundia . . . ah, memories.
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Old 07-15-2009, 06:44 AM   #80
Carmen
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Here's a goody












A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.





Cheers

Carmen
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:12 PM   #81
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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Originally Posted by burgundia View Post
Was always or...has been always...

Of course Brinty 69 iS a very sacred symbol ..

the infamous yin yang that stands for balance and harmony ...
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Old 07-16-2009, 10:08 AM   #82
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Doctor doctor

I keep stealing things

can you give me somthing for it

(doctor ).... take these tablets

and if they dont work

bring me back a dvd player ........( ba booom !!!)
*************************************

(still not great is it ... must try harder )
and drink more apple juice umm....
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:57 PM   #83
rhythm
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Wife -what do you mean coming home

half drunk this time of night !!!

Husband - its not my fault

i ran out of money ......
********************

i like this one ... you.....

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Old 07-16-2009, 08:21 PM   #84
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A blond bimbo walks into the police station and says she has come in answer to the advertisement for a police woman. The Chief Superintendent takes one look at her and thinks to himself, uh-oh, we've got a right one here.

"Okay," he says, "what's 1 and 1?"
Without hesitating the bimbo says, "eleven."
Stunned for a second, the Superintendent thinks to himself, she's right, but that wasn't the answer I wanted.

"Okay, name two days of the week beginning with the letter T."
"Today and tomorrow," she answers.
Once again she's come up with a correct answer but not one I had thought of. thought the policeman.

"Here's your last test question - Who killed President Kennedy?"
"Oh, that's a hard one. I'll have to think for a minute."

"Well, why not go home and think it over and come back in the morning and tell me."

The bimbo leaves the police station and goes over the road to the beauty parlor where all her friends are gathered. They were eager to know how she got on.

"Well, it was my first day and already I'm working on a murder case."
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Old 07-17-2009, 07:58 AM   #85
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brinty View Post
A blond bimbo walks into the police station and says she has come in answer to the advertisement for a police woman. The Chief Superintendent takes one look at her and thinks to himself, uh-oh, we've got a right one here.

"Okay," he says, "what's 1 and 1?"
Without hesitating the bimbo says, "eleven."
Stunned for a second, the Superintendent thinks to himself, she's right, but that wasn't the answer I wanted.

"Okay, name two days of the week beginning with the letter T."
"Today and tomorrow," she answers.
Once again she's come up with a correct answer but not one I had thought of. thought the policeman.

"Here's your last test question - Who killed President Kennedy?"
"Oh, that's a hard one. I'll have to think for a minute."

"Well, why not go home and think it over and come back in the morning and tell me."

The bimbo leaves the police station and goes over the road to the beauty parlor where all her friends are gathered. They were eager to know how she got on.

"Well, it was my first day and already I'm working on a murder case."
Brinty this bimbo dont get it
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Old 07-17-2009, 05:23 PM   #86
Swanny
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been
"A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but
ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to a "Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of
1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed
France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout
loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs.." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a
Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling
out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass
bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look
at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on
all of their allies, just in case.


New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from
"baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the
airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper
aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end
riscue us".

In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be
asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position
called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation
levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There
has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of
the final escalation level.

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Old 07-17-2009, 05:38 PM   #87
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

swanny , this is really funny...
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Old 07-18-2009, 12:56 PM   #88
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

STOPPED BY THE POLICE ..
********************

JON AND JESSICA were on there way home from the bar
when they got pulled over by the police..
the officer told jon that tail light was out .
Jon says im very sorry officer , i will get it fixed right away .
Just then jessica said i knew this would happen i told you two days ago to get that light fixed ...
So the officer asked jon for his drivers licence , and after looking at it
said sir your licence has expired .
then jessica said I told you a week ago that your licence had expired
Well by this time jon is a bit upset with his wife contrdicting him and
says in a rather loud vioice ...jessica shut your mouth ..
The officer leaned over to jessica and asked does your husband allways talk to you like that ..to which jessica replyed ...
only when hes drunk officer !!
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:55 PM   #89
micjer
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be






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Old 07-21-2009, 01:18 PM   #90
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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AN iron and brown paper remove wax
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Old 07-25-2009, 02:26 PM   #91
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

no one making rhythmm laugh

hmm ...

where all you commedians gone

bring back the balance

able to love

able to laugh

and still it seems

able to get p****d off

ok i try to find some funnis for yer

be back ...

later gater ...
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Old 07-25-2009, 03:30 PM   #92
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

ok i warned you ..

i got this one for yer ...
*****************

You have to stay inshape

my grandmother she started walking

five miles a day .. when she was 60

She is 97 now

and we dont know where the hell she is ...
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Old 07-25-2009, 08:15 PM   #93
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I wonder if this could be the same old lady - she went out walking on the freeway and has never been seen since. All that they found was her shopping bag and glasses.

They don't know whether a radiator or a carburetor.
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Old 07-27-2009, 06:02 AM   #94
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A traveling salesman sits drinking in a bar. He hears a soft voice say, "nice tie." He looks up, but doesn't see anyone.

A few seconds later he hears, "nice shirt." Once again he looks around but still can't see anyone.

When he hears, "nice jacket." he calls the barman over and says, "Look, I don't want you to think I'm crazy but I keep hearing voices commenting on my clothing. But every time I look around, there's nobody there.

The barman said, "Oh, that'll be the peanuts, they're complimentary."
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:20 PM   #95
artvision
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Well, I do not know if you like french jokes, nor french comedian, but this one I laughed with tears (please excuse me if it has been posted before), at least has something to do with the things are bugging us from few years ago.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9t...gical-pass_fun

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9t...hasseurs-a_fun
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Old 07-30-2009, 11:17 PM   #96
Brinty
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I called the Swine Flu hotline - all I got was crackling

I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.

Another is that you get the trotts.

The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Apparently my wife's got Swine Flu - I think she's just telling porkies!

The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of 'oinkment'.


IF YOU GET AN EMAIL ABOUT SWINE FLU DELETE IT AS IT'S ONLY SPAM.
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:19 PM   #97
day
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A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:24 PM   #98
day
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What does that tell you?'

Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'
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Old 07-31-2009, 10:37 PM   #99
Carmen
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Very funny, Artvision, even with sub-titles
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Old 08-01-2009, 02:01 AM   #100
waitinginthewings
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Day: that one cracked me up......a good belly laugh for sure. TKS
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