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Old 01-22-2010, 02:25 AM   #501
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Advertisement off of Craigs List....

broken microwave. door wont open, otherwise it works $5

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......


Trooly.


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Old 01-22-2010, 09:08 PM   #502
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Even Big Bird get's his opinion on Obamacare....




See... What you find when you go to You Tube...


Trooly,


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Old 01-24-2010, 03:55 PM   #503
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be



Laugh always
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Old 01-24-2010, 06:08 PM   #504
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I dedicate this to David Wilcock... Dude... your choice's In Life...

Your choice's of women... are as bad as Your Choice for President...


This is not a joke-- it is the most serious risk to your health since the 1918 flu epidemic.



Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new

virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is

contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is

called Gonorrhea Lectim..And pronounced " Gonna re-elect ‘em."

Many victims contracted it in 2008, after having been screwed for the

Past Two Years. People of California... GET OFF YOUR ASSETS....


Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how

destructive this disease has become since it is easily cured....by voting


Hey... Sincerely, David, maby you should try DRINKING... Time to get a REAL life...


Trooly,



Tango

Last edited by Tango; 01-24-2010 at 06:20 PM.
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Old 01-26-2010, 12:50 PM   #505
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

True for the U.S.


We are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million.


160 million are retired.


That leaves 140 million to do the work.


There are 85 million in school.


Which leaves 55 million to do the work.


Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.


Leaving 20 million to do the work.



2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing others.


Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.


Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.


At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.


Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.


Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.


That leaves just two people to do the work.


You and me.


And there you are,



Sitting on your A$$,



At your computer, reading jokes.



Nice.

Real nice.



Trooly,


Tango

Last edited by Anchor; 01-29-2010 at 10:56 PM.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:55 PM   #506
iainl140285
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Number One Idiot of 2008.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre..
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants.. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away..


Number Two Idiot of 2008.

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them..
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.. They are no longer
employed at Boeing..


Number Three Idiot of 2008.

A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and
wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window.. So he left the Bank and
crossed the street to the NAB Bank.. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either,
have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland ..
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left..
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at.
the Bank of Queensland .


Number Four Idiot of 2008.

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer..
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
him.. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk..
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag.. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot..
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two
hours later..


Number Five Idiot of 2008

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.. The
first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him..


Number Six Idiot of 2008.

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run..
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.. The.
brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Flexi-Glass.. The whole event was caught on
videotape... Perth WA


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger..
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!


IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know??' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Melbourne .


IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it..
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door..
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already got that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.
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Old 01-27-2010, 12:59 AM   #507
xbusymom
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

after reading the employment statistics to my son... he (so astutely concluded)... "No Wonder nothing gets done!"

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Old 01-27-2010, 02:36 PM   #508
iainl140285
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> Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A Mobile phone on a
> bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to
> talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
>
>
> MAN:
> 'Hello'
>
> WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
>
> MAN: 'Yes'
>
>
> WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
> only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?'
>
> MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
>
> WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009
> Models. I saw one I really liked.'
>
> MAN: 'How much?'
>
> WOMAN:
> '£65.000
>
> MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
>
>
> WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is
> back on the market. They're asking £750,000.
>
> MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £700,000. They will
> probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really A
> pretty good price.'
>
> WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
>
> MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
>
>
> The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
> astonishment, mouths agape.
>
> He turns and asks:
>
> "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:52 PM   #509
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Iain,

I'm still Laughing... Than, I found this...







Still Laughing... I think I posted it 20 pages back...

Where's Dantheman... He alway's posted funny Shat...


Trooly,


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Old 01-28-2010, 05:49 PM   #510
Dantheman62
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Hey Tango, I'm still lurking...Don't really like the atmosphere here anymore, LOL

I don't remember if I've posted these before, but I'll post them anyway! LOL


Three Ladies in a SaunaThree women, two younger and one senior
citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there’s a beeping
sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The other looks at her questioningly, “that was my pager” she said,
“I have a microchip under the skin of my arm”.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her
palm to her ear, when she finished she explained. “That was my mobile
phone, I have a microchip in my hand”.The older woman felt very low
tech, not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as
impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
When she returned a piece of toilet paper was hanging from her rear
end.

The other two women raised their eyebrows and stared embarrassingly at
her.

The older woman without missing a beat finally said……..”Well, will
you look at that – I’m getting a FAX!!!!”









So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart
> greeter, a good
> > > find for
> > > many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
> > >
> > > About two hours into my first day on the job a
> very loud,
> > > unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the
> store with
> > > her two
> > > kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
> through the
> > > entrance.
> > > As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
> 'Good
> > > morning, and welcome
> > > to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are
> they
> > > twins?'
> > >
> > > The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to
> say,
> > > 'Hell no, they
> > > ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the
> other
> > > one's 7. Why the
> > > hell would you think they're twins? Are you
> blind, or
> > > just stupid?'
> > >
> > > So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor
> stupid,
> > > Ma'am, I just couldn't
> > > believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and
> thank you
> > > for
> > > shopping at Wal-Mart.'
> > >
> > > My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out
> for this
> > > line of work.








LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.. 'How about
nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .. Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.....'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
sh..t?

Last edited by Anchor; 01-29-2010 at 10:53 PM. Reason: removed oversize text
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Old 01-29-2010, 07:14 PM   #511
xbusymom
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

some of this food is just plain fun...

http://photobucket.com/images/food%20art/
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Old 01-29-2010, 07:40 PM   #512
metaw3
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The Stargate interview:
http://projectavalon.net/forum/showthread.php?t=19633
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Old 01-29-2010, 09:51 PM   #513
feardia
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Old 01-29-2010, 10:54 PM   #514
Anchor
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands

Shortly thereafter, they had to be renamed "The Islands"

A..
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Old 01-30-2010, 05:41 AM   #515
metaw3
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Default Jon Lajoie

A fresh new Jon Lajoie

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Old 01-30-2010, 12:09 PM   #516
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Last edited by pedro m.b.; 02-13-2010 at 11:54 AM.
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Old 01-30-2010, 12:16 PM   #517
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever... You'll make it...

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up....LOL, [I cleaned this one up...]

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care....

Well, my job here is done...


Trooly,



Tango

Last edited by Tango; 01-30-2010 at 12:22 PM.
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:07 PM   #518
aroundthetable
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

zen Teachings

1.�Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just **** off and leave me alone.�

2.�Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

3.�Never test the depth of the water with both feet.�

4.�If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.�

5.�Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..�

6.�If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.�

7.�Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

8.�If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.�

9.�If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..�

10.�Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.�

11.�Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.�

12.�A closed mouth gathers no foot.�

13.�There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.. Neither one works.�

14..�Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.�

15.�Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.�

16.�We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse.�

17.�Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.�
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:14 PM   #519
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending
the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only
been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."


LOL.... I don't think I would want to get my ear's pulled to go to chruch.


Trooly,



Tango

Last edited by Tango; 01-31-2010 at 01:18 PM.
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Old 01-31-2010, 01:44 PM   #520
john kennedy
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lol
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Old 02-01-2010, 03:39 AM   #521
lindabaker
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Subject: Bad Tooth





A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar...

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."



"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the backwith a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."


"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."



The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now...., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
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Old 02-01-2010, 03:59 AM   #522
no caste
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Condi Rice Freaks out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIqeeK6sntk

*language warning*
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Old 02-01-2010, 04:48 AM   #523
whitefluffy
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A MAN WALKS into a bar?
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Old 02-01-2010, 09:58 AM   #524
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Oooh.... [Laughing] That was way funny... [Laughing] I knew you had it in you... Probably gonna be the funniest of the day... You made mine...

Thank you...


Tango
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Old 02-01-2010, 08:55 PM   #525
mudra
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Yogi Joke

Three yogis are performing a meditative vigil in a cave high in the Himalayas. One day there is a sound outside of the cave. Six months later one of the yogis says, "that was a tiger." The cave is silent once again. About a year later, another yogi says, "that wasn't a tiger it was a lion. Again the cave falls silent. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing I'm leaving."

Laugh Always
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