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Old 11-18-2009, 08:46 PM   #351
bushycat
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Oh, Tango, was that you? The guy looked a lot like Johhny Depp.

Last edited by bushycat; 01-03-2010 at 09:32 PM.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:11 PM   #352
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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Old 11-18-2009, 09:19 PM   #353
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A Redneck Joke....


A State Trooper pulls over a Redneck pickup on Carefree

Highway 74, and says to the driver, 'Got any! I.D. ' . .

and the Redneck driver replies 'Bout wut '.....



Trooly,


Tango
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:00 PM   #354
bushycat
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tango View Post
'


Yeah... But, better looking right..... Say it... N' I gots Neat'r Eye's...


Tango
Yes, definitely eyes.You should be in the movies.
(NOT: You should be on the stage,
the first one out of town!)
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Old 11-19-2009, 12:49 AM   #355
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Deleted.

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Old 11-19-2009, 01:28 AM   #356
bushycat
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I am shocked to the core. And they look like such nice people.
Sure can dance, though.
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Old 11-21-2009, 12:39 AM   #357
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be



Laugh Always
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:56 PM   #358
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A little known fact....


The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first

helmet was used in 1974.


It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

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Old 11-21-2009, 07:02 PM   #359
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

How to talk to a police officer


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvVMTyaZpeU

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Old 11-21-2009, 07:50 PM   #360
waitinginthewings
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This is for us ladies

The Doctors office - Mrs. Hughes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGC9k...eature=related

and

Till Death do us Part
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkEsv...eature=channel

Last edited by waitinginthewings; 11-21-2009 at 08:00 PM.
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Old 11-21-2009, 11:39 PM   #361
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

So here we go with another Blond Joke.......


An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls silent......

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

"Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...... Not Really, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Snicker....


Tango
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:33 AM   #362
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Old 11-22-2009, 01:36 AM   #363
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Old 11-25-2009, 02:34 PM   #364
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I want you to seriously THINK about something...

In somewhere Like 40 some years, there are going to be thousands of Old Ladies

running around with droopy ' Tattoo's ' and that's NOT the worst.....


RAP Music will be the " Golden Oldies "...... How scary is that !


See, I don't want to Live THAT long...


Trooly,


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Old 11-25-2009, 05:40 PM   #365
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I know the wife bought a turkey. But where on earth did she put the bird?



Turkey Surprise







17 Ways To Cook A Turkey
  1. Go buy a turkey
  2. Take a drink of whisky
  3. Put turkey in the oven
  4. Take another 2 drinks of whisky
  5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
  6. Take 3 more whiskys of drink
  7. Turk the bastey
  8. Whisky another bottle of get
  9. Ponder the meat thermometer
  10. Glass yourself a pour of whisky
  11. Bake the whisky for 4 hours
  12. Take the oven out of the turkey
  13. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
  14. Turk the carvey
  15. Get yourself another scottle of botch
  16. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
  17. Bless the dinner and pass out
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Old 11-27-2009, 10:36 AM   #366
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

http://www.on.net.mk/default-MK.asp?...686C94A1EFC975
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:09 AM   #367
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

Laugh Always
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Old 11-29-2009, 05:43 AM   #368
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

An advertisement agency had given me the assignment to come up with a name for a Jewish gym. And I did.
MUSCLE'TOV
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Old 11-29-2009, 05:58 AM   #369
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

I get plenty of laughs (and bottled-up grief) over some of these threads/posts.
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Old 12-01-2009, 12:19 PM   #370
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A Story...

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.

As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'


The driver said,

'No problem. Have at it.'


Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off
Down the highway.
A short distance away
Sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.


The trooper pulled out
And easily caught the limo
And he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door
And when the glass
Was rolled down,
He was surprised to see
Who was driving.






He immediately excused himself and went back to his car
And called his supervisor.




He told the supervisor,
'I know we are supposed
To enforce the law.....
But I also know that
Important people are
Given certain courtesies.
I need to know what
I should do because
I have stopped a
Very important person.'




The supervisor asked,
'Is it the governor?'




The young trooper said,
'No, he's more important
Than that.'

The supervisor said,
'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said,
'No, he's even more
Important than that.'




The supervisor finally asked,




'Well then, who is it?'




The young trooper said,





'I think it's Jesus,
Because he's got Billy Graham
for a chauffeur!


Trooly,




Tango
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Old 12-01-2009, 03:45 PM   #371
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

How the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while
slicing salami at work,
he blames the restaurant.


If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the
tobacco company.


If your neighbor crashes
into a tree while driving home drunk,
he blames the bartender.


If your grandchildren are
brats without manners,
you blame television.


If your friend is shot by a
deranged madman,
you blame the gun manufacturer.



And if a crazed person breaks
into the cockpit and
tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
and the passengers
kill him instead,
the mother of the crazed deceased
blames the airline.


I must have lived tooo long to
understand the world
as it is anymore.

So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED
butt is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to
sue Bill Gates.



Trooly,



Tango
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Old 12-01-2009, 04:17 PM   #372
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Mesa night before last.


Date: 2009-11-26, 1:43 a.m. Mtn


I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my friend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my wallet. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.


First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually sh it in your pants when I drew my weapon after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. I had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my lifeday, and I had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it...?!


I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. What'd you think I was stupid...


After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!


I gave your shoes to a homeless guy in Mesa, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]


I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked a the curb ... After I broke the windscreen and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.


Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so 'what 's going on with that?' Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.


The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).


In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, your life of crime and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Than Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. You have a good day!
Hey, Happy Holidays... Yo... Yo, Momma wants to talk to you.

Trooly yours,


Tango

Last edited by Tango; 12-01-2009 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 12-01-2009, 07:13 PM   #373
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

That's not funny, that's terrible, so the guy with the bigger weapon gets to be the bigger bully?
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:24 PM   #374
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheObserver View Post
That's not funny, that's terrible, so the guy with the bigger weapon gets to be the bigger bully?
Strewth! I better not flash mine then.

Just kidding, I have difficulty finding it sometimes.

I can never remember whether I left it in the fridge or the laundry cupboard. I'm amazed at some of the things I find in the fridge - things that have been missing for days. Some of the stuff in the laundry cupboard is covered in green fur and stinks to high heaven.
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:35 PM   #375
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Hey Rhythm, what a great idea!

Okay, I'm getting warmed up:

The first joke I ever remember laughing my head off about (I was in Kindergarten) was:

Q: Why did the little man tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

A: Becaues he didn't want to wake his sleeping pills! Get it???

Just getting warmed up, I'll be back!

cheerios,
Gnosis
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