Go Back   Old Project Avalon Forum (ARCHIVE) > Project Camelot Forum > Project Camelot > Off-Topic

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-03-2009, 11:20 AM   #301
Swanny
I dont need a label !
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Shire of Wilt
Posts: 2,889
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

An old farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning 'til night she was always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule to a shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat
his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden,
the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of
the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something odd.
When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a
minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a male mourner approached
him, he would listen, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So, after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked
him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head
in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.."
Swanny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 11:21 AM   #302
Swanny
I dont need a label !
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Shire of Wilt
Posts: 2,889
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

A lovely Australian Poem.

It has something for everyone - If you know the bush, it will appeal
to you, if you work in the oil industry, there is something in it for you
too, if you have a sense of humour - well, it might test it a little and if
you are not an Australian, then it won't help your knowledge of Australian
life one bit.......................

Poor 'ol' Grandad'

(by Grahame Watt (Skewiff Watty) - Australian Bush Poet)

Poor old Granddad's passed away, cut off in his prime,

He never had a day off crook - gone before his time,

We found him in the dunny, collapsed there on the seat,

A startled look upon his face, his trousers around his
feet,

The doctor said his heart was good - fit as any trout,

The Constable he had his say, 'foul play' was not ruled
out.

There were theories at the inquest of snakebite without
trace,
Of redbacks quietly creeping and death from outer space,

No-one had a clue at all - the judge was in some doubt,

When Dad was called to have his say as to how it came
about,

'I reckon I can clear it up,' said Dad with trembling
breath,

'You see it's quite a story - but it could explain his
death.'

'This here exploration mob had been looking at our soil,

And they reckoned that our farm was just the place for
oil,

So they came and put a bore down and said they'd make
some trials,

They drilled a hole as deep as hell, they said about
three miles.

Well, they never found a trace of oil and off they went,
post haste,

And I couldn't see a hole like that go to flamin' waste,

So I moved the dunny over it - real smart move I
thought,

I'd never have to dig again - I'd never be 'caught
short'.

The day I moved the dunny, it looked a proper sight,

But I didn't dream poor Granddad would pass away that
night,

Now I reckon what has happened - poor Granddad didn't
know,

The dunny was re-located when that night he had to go.

And you'll probably be wondering how poor Granddad did
his dash--

Well, he always used to hold his breath

Until he heard the splash!!


Last edited by Administrator; 04-08-2012 at 06:42 AM. Reason: added copyright info
Swanny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 11:25 AM   #303
Swanny
I dont need a label !
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Shire of Wilt
Posts: 2,889
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about £50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Swanny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 05:34 PM   #304
Dantheman62
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: So. Cal. U.S.
Posts: 4,205
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Two policeman with a big german shepherd are standing in front of a pub.
Out comes a guy, lookes the dog under his tail, shakes his head and goes back inside.
Two minutes later another guy comes out, looks the dog under his tail, shakes his head and goes back in again.
Again two minutes later a third guy comes out, looks the dog under his tail, shakes his head and wants to go back in.
Then one of the policemen askes him: Hey, what's that all about?
Looking the dog under his tail and then going back in?

The guy answers: Well inside there's a bloke and he keeps telling there's a dog sitting in front of the pub with two a..sholes....
Dantheman62 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 05:35 PM   #305
Dantheman62
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: So. Cal. U.S.
Posts: 4,205
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This Alzheimer's Test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down, and I betcha can't resist passing it on.
Dantheman62 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 08:35 PM   #306
lindabaker
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 504
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Dan: I'ma gonna open up a can a whoop a$$ on ya, ya ole rednick. Ya got me, hear?
lindabaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 09:32 PM   #307
Luana
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 91
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

That's funny Dan, you had me really concentrating.
Luana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2009, 10:50 PM   #308
Ross H
Project Avalon Moderator
 
Ross H's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 507
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This ones been around a bit but has been re-hashed.


A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.




His horse has already died of thirst.





He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath,


when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.


He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.


He opens it and out pops a genie.

But this is no ordinary genie.



She is wearing a ‘FEMA’ ID badge and a dull gray dress.

(Federal Emergency Management Agency)


There's a calculator in her pocketbook.

She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

'Well, cowboy,' says the genie.....You know how I work....You have three wishes.'


'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.'


'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'


The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.


'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink..'


***POOF***



The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen

And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.


'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'



'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'



** *POOF***



The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests,
filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.



'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'




After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says...

'I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'


***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.



Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.
Ross H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 04:51 AM   #309
xbusymom
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Overland Park (Kansas City) Kansas, USA
Posts: 233
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnY2f8lIjc

I thought this version was funny...
xbusymom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 05:16 AM   #310
Ross H
Project Avalon Moderator
 
Ross H's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 507
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The end result if this performance is great, I love the facials.

The editing would of been quite the mission...enjoy

Peace always


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuU00Q3RhDg
Ross H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 05:24 AM   #311
Ross H
Project Avalon Moderator
 
Ross H's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 507
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by xbusymom View Post
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnY2f8lIjc

I thought this version was funny...

Hey that was great, clever
Ross H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 02:40 PM   #312
TruthWillSetUFree
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 673
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

My favorite that always makes me laugh is this one...

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=.../0/tsujprInkuY


Enjoy!
TruthWillSetUFree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 03:36 PM   #313
burgundia
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Poland
Posts: 3,442
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This is a performance by a Polish mime Ireneusz Krosny. The title of the first one is in English, the second video is entitled "Surgeon".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ3ap...eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Sl5EspGVkM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHcj6...eature=related

Last edited by burgundia; 11-04-2009 at 04:08 PM.
burgundia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2009, 03:54 PM   #314
burgundia
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Poland
Posts: 3,442
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This one is really FUNNY!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCQcY...eature=related
burgundia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 12:53 PM   #315
Tango
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: eating dessert in the desert of Arizona
Posts: 1,554
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Ed and Dorothy...


Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and a real true love. Every date just seemed better than the last...

On the one month anniversary of their first dinner together on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine restaurant... While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in Love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total 'golf' nut. I play golf; I read about golf; I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're both being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker..."

"Oh wow! I see now," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, very deep in thought then he looked deeply in to her eye's , "You know, it's probably just because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off."

Trooly,


Tango


Yeah, Ed... I, don't think it has anything to do with her wrists... Maby Hips...
Its probably not a Twist, but a T I L T of the hips... [chuckle]...





Bwahahahaaaaaaa....
Tango is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 01:21 PM   #316
iainl140285
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 974
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Ed really is a golf nut!
iainl140285 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 01:25 PM   #317
iainl140285
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 974
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Westminster bridge, London...

The Mayor of London has decreed that Westminster bridge will be closed in the early afternoon on sunny days.

This is because a strange phenomenon happens when sunlight passes through the balustrade of the bridge,

forming a small army of..... well...... see for yourself!


iainl140285 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 01:40 PM   #318
Tango
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: eating dessert in the desert of Arizona
Posts: 1,554
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Wellll..... That's One Picture... That tells a story.... L00K at all those proud

Little soldiers... All dressed UP; standing Tall... With No Place to go....

[Looking at the picture...] Hey... Get off My *ick....

Trooly,


Tango

[Hooker walking down the street] This one's mine, and this one, this one...etc.

Last edited by Tango; 11-06-2009 at 01:47 PM.
Tango is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 01:53 PM   #319
Luminari
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,570
Talking Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This is Spinal Tap - The funny bits
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeGteg74mjw
Luminari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 04:16 PM   #320
Dantheman62
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: So. Cal. U.S.
Posts: 4,205
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Dantheman62 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 04:51 PM   #321
Tango
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: eating dessert in the desert of Arizona
Posts: 1,554
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

" Walking the D O G.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBNEC...rom=PL&index=8


Trooly,


Tango




Quote:
Originally Posted by Dantheman62 View Post
Tango is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 05:07 PM   #322
Dantheman62
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: So. Cal. U.S.
Posts: 4,205
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Dantheman62 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 09:19 PM   #323
Tango
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: eating dessert in the desert of Arizona
Posts: 1,554
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics for Northwest Airlines in Minneapolis. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"

Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink dat yet fuel an get a buzz.
Ya vanna try it?"

They pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.

Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing.

The phone rings. It's Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"

Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No, dat yet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do
dis more often."

Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting.."

Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stopped to think. "No ."---

"Vell, DON'T,--- 'cause I'm in Milvaukee!"

Trooly,


Tango

" Aviation humor "
Tango is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 09:53 PM   #324
TheObserver
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: back in Minnesota
Posts: 500
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Good stuff Tango but a hint from a native of MN, it's Sven and Ole, not Ole and Sven (apols if you simply cut/paste) to tell a Sven'n'Ole joke properly.
TheObserver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 09:56 PM   #325
Dantheman62
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: So. Cal. U.S.
Posts: 4,205
Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheObserver View Post
Good stuff Tango but a hint from a native of MN, it's Sven and Ole, not Ole and Sven (apols if you simply cut/paste) to tell a Sven'n'Ole joke properly.

True Observer! LOL, I'm a native Minnesotan too. Go Vikings!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good joke Tango!

Last edited by Dantheman62; 11-06-2009 at 10:00 PM.
Dantheman62 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Project Avalon