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Old 10-06-2009, 08:49 AM   #226
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by rhythm View Post
sorry this link not working ...
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Old 10-06-2009, 08:51 AM   #227
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by rhythm View Post
sorry this link not working ...
well it seems like it is working now ...
well try it
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Old 10-06-2009, 12:01 PM   #228
iainl140285
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

This thread is funny

Here's a few. Titled - How the Fight Started:

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************


My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started...
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:39 PM   #229
Luminari
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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Old 10-06-2009, 01:42 PM   #230
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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hey luminari dont want to be around when that one goes off!!
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:42 PM   #231
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

iain and Luminari...
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:43 PM   #232
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

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hey luminari dont want to be around when that one goes off!!
are you sure?
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Old 10-06-2009, 04:27 PM   #233
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The Mammogram...


A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping, unclothed,on her bed.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you anyway?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband replies, "What did he say about your 51-year old ass?"

"Your name never came up", she replied.


As Iain says:

Then the fight started.


Tango

Last edited by Tango; 10-07-2009 at 02:22 AM.
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Old 10-06-2009, 04:34 PM   #234
iainl140285
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be


Class
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Old 10-06-2009, 05:02 PM   #235
Swanny
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Scientists have reveled they have found new drug for depressed lesbians,
it's called: Trydixagain


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Old 10-06-2009, 05:10 PM   #236
JesterTerrestrial
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by Swanny View Post
Scientists have reveled they have found new drug for depressed lesbians,
it's called: Trydixagain


They also invented a birth control pill for men. You take it the day after and it changes your blood type!

hehe just jokin
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Old 10-07-2009, 01:34 PM   #237
micjer
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Jay Leno said the other night on his show that the last surviving person from the Titantic has died......





Yep she was only 6 meters from shore!


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Old 10-07-2009, 02:09 PM   #238
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

George Carlin's Philosophy of Life:

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do, "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
28. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated,but not be able to say it.
29. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
30. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
31. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
32. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
33. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
34. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
35. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
36. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
37. Before they invented drawing boards,what did they go back to?
38. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
39. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
40. If God dropped acid,would he see people?
41. If one synchronized swimmer drowns,do the rest have to drown too?
42. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
43. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
44. If you ate pasta and anti pasta,would you still be hungry?
45. If you try to fail,and succeed,which have you done?
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:34 PM   #239
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLgtdwXutUo.

Billy Connerly live in Ireland ... SO funny ...

Last edited by rhythm; 10-10-2009 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:28 PM   #240
rhythm
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvqSaQ1yijs

Bill Baily also very funny

Last edited by rhythm; 10-10-2009 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:07 PM   #241
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The first time in My life when I saw girl take her Bra off without taking her top off.

I went WWWhhhhaaaaaa... How, ya do that....

JU ever know a guy could do that with his Swimsuit.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BFhN3n1S88

Mr. Bean did it...


Trooly,


Tango

Last edited by Tango; 10-08-2009 at 06:11 PM.
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Old 10-08-2009, 07:33 PM   #242
Wormhole
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Q: Why do aliens always look expressionless, unemotional and stoic?

A: Thousands of years of Botox and plastic surgery. That's why they are here, to get our Botox. Just try it, you too could look like a Gray!
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:25 PM   #243
morguana
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

as a lover of monty python, this is one of our (sprogs and i) favs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlBUglE6Hc
tango loved the mr bean clip
but really folks your jokes and clips are sooooo funny, always good for a laugh
bou x
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:34 PM   #244
burgundia
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Quote:
Originally Posted by boudicca View Post
as a lover of monty python, this is one of our (sprogs and i) favs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlBUglE6Hc
tango loved the mr bean clip
but really folks your jokes and clips are sooooo funny, always good for a laugh
bou x
I didn't know you were Monty python's lover.....
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:01 PM   #245
morguana
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

wow neither did i burgundia , must have blinked and missed it
bou x
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:04 PM   #246
Tango
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

What I didn't say, and I wondered If I should is when she handed me her

Bra... What are you handing it to me for.... It's tooo small for me...

She said what [cocked her head to the side]... It looks like a double barrel

slingshot... But, the cups are tooo small...

She, hit me over the head, N' walked away. I called after her... " Did I say

something wrong..." She, looked back at me with a frown. She never talked

to me again... Even after high school... "I, still don't get it..."

Tango


Quote:
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The first time in My life when I saw girl take her Bra off without taking her top off.

I went WWWhhhhaaaaaa... How, ya do that....

Trooly,


Tango
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Old 10-10-2009, 08:49 AM   #247
Karen
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Tango we need to balance this out with a little ChickComedy.

The nail salon part reminds me of when my mom and I go to the Chinese restaurant and the little owner lady comes over to visit with us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baDJ-ZIvYy0
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Old 10-10-2009, 10:48 AM   #248
Karen
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

Absolutely hilarious dance act.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gHvATmUsSg
Stavros Flatly - Greek Irish Dancers - Britains Got Talent 2009
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Old 10-10-2009, 05:17 PM   #249
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Default Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

> A boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a
> farm, his mother
>
> asks if he has done his chores.
> 'Not yet' said the little boy.
> His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his
> chores.
> Well, he's a little ******, so he goes to feed
> the chickens, and
> he
> kicks a chicken.
> He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
> He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
> He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives
> him a bowl of
> dry
> cereal.
> 'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon?
> And why don't I have
> any milk
> in my cereal? he asks.
> Well, ' his mother says, ' I saw you kick a
> chicken, so you don't
> get
> any eggs for a week.
> I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any
> bacon for a week
> either
> I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you
> aren't getting any
> milk.
> Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and
> kicks the cat
> halfway across the kitchen.
> The Little boy looks up at his mother with a smile,
> and says,
> Are you going to tell him, or should I ?
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Old 10-10-2009, 06:35 PM   #250
mu2143
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Smile Re: Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i be

The 2012 movie the short version !!!
http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/6290...ische_dam.html

Last edited by mu2143; 10-10-2009 at 06:37 PM. Reason: spell fault
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