Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

[Church]

Hello everyone. Yes, I am posing a rather serious question to a buncha strangers on an internet forum, lol. But the reason for this is twofold: first, sometimes you get the best advice from strangers, because they don't necessarily tell you what you want to hear... and second, because come on, this is Project Avalon, home of the awakened souls from around the world!

Okay, so I love my girlfriend. I plan on proposing to her in the very near future. The "problem" I keep running into in my mind when I think this through is that I am not much of a "consumerist" and I don't really participate in much of our economy, up to and including jewelry stores. I'm not a big fan of materialism, and objects that cost lots of money, and that sort of thing.

And my girlfriend is just as much a hippy as I am. She knows how I feel about consuming, and buying things, and spending money just because it's what we're supposed to do, that sort of thing. Yet, she is a woman, and, correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but don't even the least materialistic of women out there still enjoy jewelry? At least the kinds that pertain to sacred unions?

So basically, yeah, my issue is that I think I'm supposed to buy a ring to put on her finger when I propose, aren't I? To you women out there who might find yourselves NOT to be the typical woman out there, and aren't into materialism and participating in our corrupt economy, what do you recommend I do?

As much as I believe my girlfriend believes that she is not interested in material things, something tells me she would find an interest if I don't attempt to come up with an engagement ring.

Am I overthinking any or all of this? Can I just find a secondhand ring from someone on like craigslist or something, or are engagement rings something that should be bought brand new, for symbolic purposes? Should I try "making" a ring to put on her finger, for that corny "yes my boyfriend soldered together a ring for me" kind of look? Should I just propose without a ring? I'm having a panic attack, because I don't want any part of this to go wrong. I know that women remember this day for the rest of their lives...

What do I do? I want to propose to her under the stars on a cruise we are taking in a few weeks, so I want all my ducks in a row. Thanks to anyone who offers me any advice.

[Jack]

Its interesting to see when people answer a question by their very asking it.

As much as I believe my girlfriend believes that she is not interested in material things, something tells me she would find an interest if I don't attempt to come up with an engagement ring.

You've a "hunch" that your girl would appreciate a token of your love. To put this into perspective, and why a "good ring" (ie : expensive) means so much to a girl, is because at the ultimate level, you have just offered her "so many days" of your labour. Its a token, of the amount of effort your willing to put into the marriage.

Go with your intuition, it rarely see's us wrong.

[5thElement]

Couldn't resist - call it the woman in me

What about antique/heirloom? You could find something totally unique (don't just think engagement ring style). You could probably find something affordable and really her style. Do you have any antique or second hand stores around your area?

Just my thoughts - and DO NOT put yourself in debt over an engagement ring. I have seen many people still paying on rings that are no longer together. I do not believe that is your fate but why add a financial stress to such a happy event!

El

[waitinginthewings]

If you do go for an heirloom or 2nd hand ring, be sure to cleanse it spiritually first before giving it to her.

[Kulapops]

Originally Posted by waitinginthewings

If you do go for an heirloom or 2nd hand ring, be sure to cleanse it spiritually first before giving it to her.

That's all you need, isn't it? For your future love to end up being possessed by a pan-dimensional entity after slipping the ring on, spinning her head about a few times.. and chucking you overboard...

Wise advice indeed.

[THE eXchanger]

almost every diamond, is a used diamond

[THE eXchanger]

i'd ask her first, b4, you get a ring - what if she says NO

[Jack]

Originally Posted by THE eXchanger

i'd ask her first, b4, you get a ring - what if she says NO

4 weeks labour down the drain!

[THE eXchanger]

Originally Posted by Jack

4 weeks labour down the drain!

4 weeks ? it is supposed to be 4 months of income

[THE eXchanger]

You should ask her, and, then, say
~ i want to get your a ring
but, since, i do NOT know, what it is,
you might like to wear for the rest of your life ~
i thought it best, to offer to let you choose it !!!
so, i know, it is something, you really will love to wear
and, make her, part of the process

[THE eXchanger]

their is a fun online site called www.bidz.com (i think)
sometimes, diamond rings, go really cheap there

[Ross H]

How lovely that you want to get this right...just that alone says volumes.

Remember where diamonds come from, or rather how they are got!

Be careful...energy!

Im in OZ, I would drive up to the 'gem' region and dig my own, then have it cut and set...bit like picking your own flowers...

Best of luck Church. oh and Im not a woman...as in advice...

Peace

[aroundthetable]

Ok im gonna take a risk here and tell you straight how i feel, please dont take offence ( im sure you wont anyway)

So if your a hippy type or non consumer advocate ( i proudly espouse the same way of life - simple living) and so is your girlfriend, why on earth would you even consider going down such a conformist and cheesy route as the whole ring and cruise route. Myself and my own partner believe genuinely in the fallacy of consumerism, in buying things we dont really need - and we mean it 100%. Our life is so full of love and respect towards each other and everyday is full of romance and laughter and talking and cooking etc etc etc. If i bought her a diamond ring and two cruise tickets she would look at me like i was suddenly a complete stranger, that everything she thought i was, was fake.

Of course, many people say one thing and do another and there's always a so called good reason, if you are both actually that way then go ahead, if not then why do it?

I think your more creative than that.

Sorry i went off a bit, i really wish you both well in your journey together.

Maybe first start another thread for suggestions of alternative ways to the bog standard. Ever heard of blood diamonds?

Boy oh boy tis is one post that keeps saying as i type DONT PRESS SUBMIT!!!!


anyhoo, you did ask

[Church]

No offense taken, mainly because of your willingness to include this little gem:

Originally Posted by aroundthetable

Boy oh boy tis is one post that keeps saying as i type DONT PRESS SUBMIT!!!!

I appreciate your candor, and that made me laugh, so bless you!!

Now to respond to your post, I can only assume that you didn't read my little "addendum" post halfway down page 1 where I addressed this, and truthfully, I don't blame you. I should probably re-edit my first post. But anyway, the deal is quite simply, my father just retired from his 40 year job, and as a treat to himself, he wanted to take all of his family on a cruise. It is his actual wish for all of us (his children and their significant others) to accompany him on this vacation. That is the only reason I will be on this cruise. My dad is NOT against consumerism and materialism. (Yet somehow he spawned me). So by going on this cruise, I am respecting my father's wishes.

As far as the ring goes, let's be fair, I never said I need to buy a diamond ring. In fact, that's why I'm here, posting this thread... to find out if it really matters whether the ring is a plastic lollipop ring, or if it's my nipple ring that I take off and slip over her finger, or if the ring really needs to be there at all? Heck, if it were up to me, I'd probably tattoo the ring right onto her finger. But it's not up to me. I'm concerned about what my Woman wants, or expects, regarding the engagement and/or ring. I truly, humbly, do not know a lot of times what to do when it comes to women, because, look, let's be honest here, men don't understand women a lot of the time! lol So basically, I just wanted to find out from other people, and specifically other women, what they think about this. I know that to many women a marriage proposal is a milestone event, and I want to do this right FOR HER BENEFIT, not necessarily mine.

Did that explain it? So in summary, I know that rings don't Matter (with a capital M) in the grand scheme of things, but in the small, personal, feminine side of things, don't they matter there?

[aroundthetable]

Originally Posted by Church

No offense taken, mainly because of your willingness to include this little gem:



I appreciate your candor, and that made me laugh, so bless you!!

Now to respond to your post, I can only assume that you didn't read my little "addendum" post halfway down page 1 where I addressed this, and truthfully, I don't blame you. I should probably re-edit my first post. But anyway, the deal is quite simply, my father just retired from his 40 year job, and as a treat to himself, he wanted to take all of his family on a cruise. It is his actual wish for all of us (his children and their significant others) to accompany him on this vacation. That is the only reason I will be on this cruise. My dad is NOT against consumerism and materialism. (Yet somehow he spawned me). So by going on this cruise, it is out of respect to my father.

Well in that case i say go for it and enjoy every minute my friend

[THE eXchanger]

can the ship's captain, marry people at sea ???

[futureyes]

Originally Posted by Ross H

How lovely that you want to get this right...just that alone says volumes.

Remember where diamonds come from, or rather how they are got!

Be careful...energy!

Im in OZ, I would drive up to the 'gem' region and dig my own, then have it cut and set...bit like picking your own flowers...

Best of luck Church. oh and Im not a woman...as in advice...

Peace

ahh ... what an awesome idea ross h ... guess it resonated with me due to my appreciation of all stones/crystals/etc ...

if that were ever to happen for me ... that someone would have done something like this ... i'd probably faint ... then after i was scooped up and revived ... i'd say yes!

you're a gem ...

[THE eXchanger]

i knew, there were 'real' gems in oz,
but, i didn't know there were diamonds,
coming there, with a pick & my halo !!!

[Church]

No, mudra, I'm sorry for the confusion, I meant to direct that to the eXchanger. This thread got a lot more attention than I imagined it would, and now I'm struggling to make sure I caught everything and responded to everyone. I really truly appreciate your advice, and everyone's. This is all very helpful to me, although, I didn't realizewhen I started this thread that it would cause me to get premature butterflies in my stomach!

Originally Posted by THE eXchanger

You should ask her, and, then, say
~ i want to get your a ring
but, since, i do NOT know, what it is,
you might like to wear for the rest of your life ~
i thought it best, to offer to let you choose it !!!
so, i know, it is something, you really will love to wear
and, make her, part of the process

Wow, I didn't think about it that way! That actually seems to resonate with me. I'm going to have to meditate on that one. If I do go down this route, should I at least put an "honorary" ring on her finger, for the symbolism and the ritual of it all? Like, something silly, but playful, like a plastic ring from a gumball machine?

Also, (God I know this makes me sound like a nerd, but I don't care!), what finger do I put the engagement ring on? It doesn't go on the ring finger, right, because that's where the actual wedding band goes?

[Church]

Thanks, Christo888, for those kind words.

The eXchanger, thank you very much for going above and beyond, finding me an actual ring. I feel very fortunate to be able to be getting all this advice so quickly after asking for it.

THis is truly a special place we have here!

[mudra]

Originally Posted by Church

No, mudra, I'm sorry for the confusion, I meant to direct that to the eXchanger. This thread got a lot more attention than I imagined it would, and now I'm struggling to make sure I caught everything and responded to everyone. I really truly appreciate your advice, and everyone's.

LOL .. Thanks for clearing it up
Yes your thread gets a lot of attention .. Happy moments we all want to share

I have no clue where one puts such a ring as I was never been offered one myself.
But I am sure all the ladies and gents here will

Be well and Happy

Love from me
mudra

[THE eXchanger]

yeah, mudra, we are both two 'old' mades

[-Axiom-]

I didn't read the thread so this has probably already been covered.

Yes you should get her a nice ring, it doesn't have to be expensive but it should be something that will last a lifetime.

[lindabaker]

The ring goes on the left "ring" finger, whether it be engagement, wedding ring, or both together. (If your bride will be wearing both together, you first buy the engagement ring by itself, then add the wedding ring (which matches) during the ceremony. ) Now, that's in the US. I don't know about other lands...

I like the idea of mining for a natural gem yourself. Or, take your bride to be on an outdoor adventure and find it together...and keep it until later when you can put it into a marriage ring...one stone on a simple band, maybe?

In the meantime, wait until you have some cash flow considering all of those wedding plans...advice from an elder here.

Diamonds have become less sought after in the US. Brides are choosing sapphires, which can be superior stones, anyway, and just as durable. I recently got a wedding ring, with a yellow sapphire, and it's very beautiful and not as needlessly expensive as a diamond. Yeah, go mining, son.

Good luck.

[Christo888]

Well Mudra and eXchanger you two get a 'Golden Ring.'