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Old 03-04-2010, 08:57 PM   #1
Church
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Default Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Hello everyone. Yes, I am posing a rather serious question to a buncha strangers on an internet forum, lol. But the reason for this is twofold: first, sometimes you get the best advice from strangers, because they don't necessarily tell you what you want to hear... and second, because come on, this is Project Avalon, home of the awakened souls from around the world!

Okay, so I love my girlfriend. I plan on proposing to her in the very near future. The "problem" I keep running into in my mind when I think this through is that I am not much of a "consumerist" and I don't really participate in much of our economy, up to and including jewelry stores. I'm not a big fan of materialism, and objects that cost lots of money, and that sort of thing.

And my girlfriend is just as much a hippy as I am. She knows how I feel about consuming, and buying things, and spending money just because it's what we're supposed to do, that sort of thing. Yet, she is a woman, and, correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but don't even the least materialistic of women out there still enjoy jewelry? At least the kinds that pertain to sacred unions?

So basically, yeah, my issue is that I think I'm supposed to buy a ring to put on her finger when I propose, aren't I? To you women out there who might find yourselves NOT to be the typical woman out there, and aren't into materialism and participating in our corrupt economy, what do you recommend I do?

As much as I believe my girlfriend believes that she is not interested in material things, something tells me she would find an interest if I don't attempt to come up with an engagement ring.

Am I overthinking any or all of this? Can I just find a secondhand ring from someone on like craigslist or something, or are engagement rings something that should be bought brand new, for symbolic purposes? Should I try "making" a ring to put on her finger, for that corny "yes my boyfriend soldered together a ring for me" kind of look? Should I just propose without a ring? I'm having a panic attack, because I don't want any part of this to go wrong. I know that women remember this day for the rest of their lives...

What do I do? I want to propose to her under the stars on a cruise we are taking in a few weeks, so I want all my ducks in a row. Thanks to anyone who offers me any advice.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Its interesting to see when people answer a question by their very asking it.

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As much as I believe my girlfriend believes that she is not interested in material things, something tells me she would find an interest if I don't attempt to come up with an engagement ring.
You've a "hunch" that your girl would appreciate a token of your love. To put this into perspective, and why a "good ring" (ie : expensive) means so much to a girl, is because at the ultimate level, you have just offered her "so many days" of your labour. Its a token, of the amount of effort your willing to put into the marriage.

Go with your intuition, it rarely see's us wrong.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:08 PM   #3
5thElement
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Couldn't resist - call it the woman in me

What about antique/heirloom? You could find something totally unique (don't just think engagement ring style). You could probably find something affordable and really her style. Do you have any antique or second hand stores around your area?

Just my thoughts - and DO NOT put yourself in debt over an engagement ring. I have seen many people still paying on rings that are no longer together. I do not believe that is your fate but why add a financial stress to such a happy event!

El
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:13 PM   #4
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Well I'm not your typical woman... but...

I did have a friend who out of similar reservations and hatred of commercialism got his wife leather wedding ring...

But I have also to add that their marriage didn't last very long.

The whole point of the jewelry is that it is a durable eternal physical reminder of your eternal metaphysical and undying love.

It's not commercial in the same way as say, a christmas card.

If you want it to be special, then I guess you buy what you can afford. I think there used to be a rule of thumb for putting a token value on this value that cannot be valued, like say.. a month's salary.

My guess is if you can afford the cruise then, the ring shouldn't be too much of a prob... (isn't credit getting cheaper these days.. and look on the bright side...you may not have to pay it back if the world ends ..get the best you can.)

If it were me, and I was against the whole material thing.. or I was hard up and just had to pop the question now... I might do something romantic, like make something or find something 'alternative'... but I think that would just be a temporary measure until the real thing could be acquired.

But then.. what do I know? I'm a bloke...

Good luck.. and great that you ask your friends here for advice.. I think Avalon is as much about that... 'community' as it is about anything else.

K
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:14 PM   #5
waitinginthewings
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

If you do go for an heirloom or 2nd hand ring, be sure to cleanse it spiritually first before giving it to her.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:17 PM   #6
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Quote:
Originally Posted by waitinginthewings View Post
If you do go for an heirloom or 2nd hand ring, be sure to cleanse it spiritually first before giving it to her.
That's all you need, isn't it? For your future love to end up being possessed by a pan-dimensional entity after slipping the ring on, spinning her head about a few times.. and chucking you overboard...

Wise advice indeed.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:18 PM   #7
5thElement
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

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Originally Posted by waitinginthewings View Post
If you do go for an heirloom or 2nd hand ring, be sure to cleanse it spiritually first before giving it to her.
Good advice

My daughter and I both have non-typical engagement/wedding rings. We love them and some might call us ......hippies - shhh

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Old 03-04-2010, 09:20 PM   #8
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

almost every diamond, is a used diamond
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:23 PM   #9
gita
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Trust to find you on this thread Kula - tut. Mind you do give better advice than some women. xx
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:23 PM   #10
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

i'd ask her first, b4, you get a ring - what if she says NO
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:29 PM   #11
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

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Originally Posted by THE eXchanger View Post
i'd ask her first, b4, you get a ring - what if she says NO
4 weeks labour down the drain!
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:31 PM   #12
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Okay thanks for chiming in everyone.

A few points, and I actually thought about this when typing out my first post... don't know why I didn't mention it... but I realize how ironic it sounds that I'm going on a cruise and in the same breath I don't participate in consumerism. But the truth is, it's the first cruise I've ever been on, and I'm 32 years old. Also, and this is really the important part, because if it weren't for this, I would NOT be going on this cruise: I did not buy the tickets. My and my girlfriend's tickets were paid for by my father. He also does not have lots of money, but he wanted to treat his entire family to a cruise as a retirement gift to himself, as he just retired from 40 years of civil service.

So the truth is, I do not have any money. I lost my job as a network admin last year, and I was denied unemployment (which I didn't appeal, maybe I should have, but it's water under the bridge now), and I am still unemployed. So I am very broke. I freelance and take odd jobs here and there, whenever possible, but this brings me just barely enough money to buy groceries and pay for my auto insurance. My girlfriend is actually letting me stay in her house, otherwise I'd have many more bills. I guess, in the parlance of our times, one could make the argument that she is like a "sugar mama" to me. But we have an understanding, and she knows as soon as I'm back on my feet I will be paying all the bills from that point forward, so I jest when say that.

So, the truth is, I have no money. Now, that doesn't mean I couldn't work out a barter of some kind with someone (who I don't know yet) who might be able to supply me with what I'm looking for. It's actually one of my skills, I don't understand it, but I have a way of being able to bring the barter system out whenever it is needed, and get people on board. I think deep down everyone knows that bartering is the TRUE currency. But nonetheless, I will have to perform some labor or tutor someone or clean out someone's computer or two in order to get the ring. I can see that now.

I like the idea of using an antique shop. I actually live in an area of town where I am surrounded by cute little antique shops and thrift stores. I've always associated them with furniture, but I guess I have no reason to believe I couldn't find jewelry at one of them?

Waitinginthewings, how do I go about cleansing jewelry spiritually? I've heard about the need for this before, when people were talking about crystalline rocks and gems, but I guess it would make sense that regular old metals might benefit from this too. Can someone elaborate? Thank you all for your contributions. This place has been pretty tumultuous lately, so I wasn't sure what to expect by posting this thread. Seriously, thank you everyone.



(Feel free to keep the advices coming!)

Last edited by Church; 03-04-2010 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:33 PM   #13
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

I would rather have my Loved one share the whole road with me
than receiving a ring and see us separating after a while.
What I am trying to convey is that the ring is a symbol
and that it's message really is to nurture the Love you share between
you every day of your life .
Therefore the real value of this ring is the Love that you put into it .
If you have no money at all a long kiss on her finger will transfer your feelings to her too

Love from me
mudra

Last edited by mudra; 03-04-2010 at 09:37 PM.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:35 PM   #14
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

^ Mudra, that is beautiful advice. It's what, deep down, I actually believe, yet I still feel the need to entertain all possibilities and get a better perspective on things, even if I do end up doing just what you so eloquently posted above. Thank you.

To THE eXchanger: In regards to the asking her first before getting a ring... seriously? I don't mind if you're playing with me, but I just want to know if you are. It seems like a tacky thing to do, right? To wait to buy the ring until she says yes? (It's a funny thought, though, I must admit). And of course, it's always a possibility that she'll say no, but I refuse to feed that quantum possibility, that's all. We've been together for almost 4 years now. We've had some ups and downs. But it's because of those downs that I know I can spend the rest of my life with her.

Wow I'm nervous suddenly...

Last edited by Church; 03-04-2010 at 10:11 PM.
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:41 PM   #15
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

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Originally Posted by Jack View Post
4 weeks labour down the drain!
4 weeks ? it is supposed to be 4 months of income
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:44 PM   #16
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

You should ask her, and, then, say
~ i want to get your a ring
but, since, i do NOT know, what it is,
you might like to wear for the rest of your life ~
i thought it best, to offer to let you choose it !!!
so, i know, it is something, you really will love to wear
and, make her, part of the process
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:45 PM   #17
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

their is a fun online site called www.bidz.com (i think)
sometimes, diamond rings, go really cheap there
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:52 PM   #18
Christo888
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Well Mr. Church it is really cool that you are putting so much thought into your special moment and just as special is how you view who you are marrying.

Think of the ring that you want to propose with as a symbol that has a story behind it such as the time you two have already spent together. So search for a ring that has a story behind it and may not necessarily be expensive at all.

Stop by some estate sales or estate boutiques, even put an ad in craigslist briefly describing what you are looking for in a ring. Florida is full of treasures!

And whoop it up... enjoy the cruise to the full extent that you can and all the ports you get off on. Sure we have overdone the consumerism aspect but it is what it is so enjoy the parts of the planet while it is still relatively safe and easy to do so!!!!

Congratulations!!!
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:53 PM   #19
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

here's a deal on ebay

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...tchlink:top:en
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:57 PM   #20
mudra
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Church View Post
In regards to the asking her first before getting a ring... seriously? I don't mind if you're playing with me, but I just want to know if you are. It seems like a tacky thing to do, right? To wait to buy the ring until she says yes? (It's a funny thought, though, I must admit). And of course, it's always a possibility that she'll say no, but I refuse to feed that quantum possibility, that's all. We've been together for almost 4 years now. We've had some ups and downs. But it's because of those downs that I know I can spend the rest of my life with her.

Wow I'm nervous suddenly...
Church I don't know and am not sure if you are referring to my post but if so I am very sorry I did'nt express myself more clearly.
What I am wanting to convey is that how much the ring costs has litle importance .
Choose one that you can afford . You have received great tips from the previous posters as to various possibilities that are offered to you.
The fact that you Love your partner is all that counts really for it is the Love that you share that will keep you together .
Please relax and just enjoy that beautifull moment with your partner during the cruise.
I wish you well .

Love from me
mudra
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:57 PM   #21
Church
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

No, mudra, I'm sorry for the confusion, I meant to direct that to the eXchanger. This thread got a lot more attention than I imagined it would, and now I'm struggling to make sure I caught everything and responded to everyone. I really truly appreciate your advice, and everyone's. This is all very helpful to me, although, I didn't realizewhen I started this thread that it would cause me to get premature butterflies in my stomach!

Quote:
Originally Posted by THE eXchanger View Post
You should ask her, and, then, say
~ i want to get your a ring
but, since, i do NOT know, what it is,
you might like to wear for the rest of your life ~
i thought it best, to offer to let you choose it !!!
so, i know, it is something, you really will love to wear
and, make her, part of the process


Wow, I didn't think about it that way! That actually seems to resonate with me. I'm going to have to meditate on that one. If I do go down this route, should I at least put an "honorary" ring on her finger, for the symbolism and the ritual of it all? Like, something silly, but playful, like a plastic ring from a gumball machine?

Also, (God I know this makes me sound like a nerd, but I don't care!), what finger do I put the engagement ring on? It doesn't go on the ring finger, right, because that's where the actual wedding band goes?
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Old 03-04-2010, 09:57 PM   #22
Ross H
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

How lovely that you want to get this right...just that alone says volumes.

Remember where diamonds come from, or rather how they are got!

Be careful...energy!

Im in OZ, I would drive up to the 'gem' region and dig my own, then have it cut and set...bit like picking your own flowers...

Best of luck Church. oh and Im not a woman...as in advice...

Peace
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:04 PM   #23
Church
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Thanks, Christo888, for those kind words.

The eXchanger, thank you very much for going above and beyond, finding me an actual ring. I feel very fortunate to be able to be getting all this advice so quickly after asking for it.

THis is truly a special place we have here!
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:08 PM   #24
mudra
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Church View Post
No, mudra, I'm sorry for the confusion, I meant to direct that to the eXchanger. This thread got a lot more attention than I imagined it would, and now I'm struggling to make sure I caught everything and responded to everyone. I really truly appreciate your advice, and everyone's.
LOL .. Thanks for clearing it up
Yes your thread gets a lot of attention .. Happy moments we all want to share

I have no clue where one puts such a ring as I was never been offered one myself.
But I am sure all the ladies and gents here will

Be well and Happy

Love from me
mudra
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Old 03-04-2010, 10:15 PM   #25
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: Serious question about popping the question (could use women's advice here)

yeah, mudra, we are both two 'old' mades
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