My Soul Retrieval Experience Narrated

[Zynox]

Soul Retrieval Experience

January 17, 2006

Awakening to the Crow’s Caw

I awoke to the caw of a crow that seemed to be right at my window, though I didn’t see it. I instantly recognized the uniqueness of the experience, as I hadn’t previously been awakened by the pleasant sounds of nature in this home. What message was there in this, I briefly contemplated, while slowly shrugging off the slumber of a night without dream recall.

Alas! My next thought was of the special day that had begun and the long awaited soul retrieval appointment. The day had finally arrived and with it the emotions of anticipation, anxious energy and thoughts, hope and adventure! Curiously absent were specific expectations. Who am I and what had I done with myself? I always carried too many expectations and missed some of life’s graceful flow because of this funky personality trait. My expecting nature and way … recognized and undesired, yet omnipresent nonetheless. Had some alchemy been performed I hadn’t remained focused upon and hadn’t been actively evaluating? Could this be a sign, an affirmation of the validity to the gentle approach … the finding without seeking, the grace I have grasped to have, to hold, to posses within? What is the recipe, and ingredients, of the elusive miracle of genuine and lasting change? Perhaps it manifests only when allowed by not trying, by not demanding, driven forward by an authentic unflinching core desire.

Does new structure of personality and spirituality construct itself, without complete awareness, in a life when so much has been stripped away, peeled in the succession of transformed relationships, automobile accident, devastating residence fire, leaving corporate employment and moving to a new home?


Travel in the Rain

E* arrived to accompany me on this journey, to share this experience and support me. Her gifts express in diverse fashions, always blossoming in new hues bringing touches of grace. Her gift of presence held further significance as she granted me her time, her day, even with an out of town friend remaining at her home. She was adorned with her medicine bag and protection, ever vigilant and prepared.

In further wisdom, she drove us, not knowing what state the day would leave me in (thus … a wise woman). We proceeded in her white carriage, fitting, with the rain and overcast sky generating the stage. We overshot the destination with my limited focus on navigation and we both noted a flock of birds on some utility lines, no coincidences?


Initial Impressions

As we headed up the dirt road, Kimberly, to the Shaman’s home, I knew the moments of waiting had expired. As I stood and scanned the sky and trees in front, the door opened and E****** greeted us warmly. The ambiance of her home commenced with the pine trees and cedar siding exterior and developed further as we were led to her fabulous meeting area full of artifacts, totems, crystals and assorted spiritually evoking treasures. Of prominence was the welcoming and resonant Mayan Turquoise wall paint which was an extraordinary hue of medium saturation that produced a feeling of being embraced within me. It was apparent that the ritual and environment were intentionally created to provide a comfortable and secure set for the work to be initiated.

On the way in, gold beads, a bone bead and other segments of E*’s medicine bag fell to the floor.


Opening Dialog

E****** welcomed us and asked me how my day had felt. I explained that I had been in a funky unsettled mood for several days and she redirected back to her question about the day. I explained that I had intense internal heat and that I was already sweating profusely. I mentioned that I had been awakened by a crow. She shared that her morning had been incredible and that she had observed a flock of crows twice over her home. No coincidences.

E****** explained that the retrieval process would include an evaluation of me followed by the actual soul retrieval segment. She asked for permission with each step and detailed the four direction medicine wheel location where I would place the objects I brought with me and where I would lay for the retrieval.


Placement of Totems and Fetishes

I was asked to place my objects near the wheel layout and I felt to put Moldavite Stone to the North, Black Panther Totem to the East, Male/Female Trinity Fetish to the South and the extensively fractured crystal which went through my recent apartment fire with me to the West. Based on her descriptions of the meanings and powers of the four cardinal compass directions, I chose with feeling to lay with my head east and have her lay to my right. I was surprised that I hadn’t chosen North, the orientation I choose to sleep.


Assessments and Extractions

E****** had me stand and assessed my posture. She noted an overall fair stance and she demonstrated that it would be simple to push me backwards (which wasn’t met with much resistance from me). She recommended that I curve my feet inward some and loosen my knees to be more fully stable in my stance. I noticed this creates a mild triangle with the feet which is more firm than a pair of parallel feet.

E****** asked what form of journey I sought and I responded an upper world with intent to meet a female guide and increase my connection to all and the source.

E****** and E* sang a song together which I found difficult to follow. I sensed my ego was blocking the flow and commenced to hum to remain within the process after my attempts to sing failed.

With permission, E****** performed a scan of my energy body and noted blockage in my back behind and a touch below the heart chakra. As she performed the work, she located some form of external intrusion and extracted it with intent, physical force and spiritual direction. After this moment, I felt lighter and her massage of my shoulder was therapeutic.

Next she used a conch shell with a severed opening to produce intense sound which she focused up and down my spine several times. The sensations were incredible and on par with my experience with crystal bowls. I felt waves of vibratory energy impacting my back, spine and nervous system in pleasant ways.


Twilight Journey

I laid down within the medicine wheel with E****** inviting E* to join her in affirmations and blessings around the medicine wheel. I don’t recall all the specific blessings, but the most impressed was by E* that I find my authentic self, voice and expression. E****** and E* continued the process of the soul retrieval with rattles and drumming. Not really knowing what to expect or how to facilitate the process, I listened to the sounds and willed myself to be open and accepting as a clear channel. Further, I envisioned myself floating upward to the upper world. I didn’t encounter the same resistances of process and technique in contrast to previous self initiated drumming based journeys, I just floated upward, I didn’t need to climb a rope or stairs or see myself as smoke.

I slipped into alternate consciousness and have little recall beyond the magic felt when E* began toning. I know it didn’t last ‘long’ but it felt to be a vector that wrapped me in peace and security, allowing further surrender? Sequences are undefined, but I also recall E****** laying next to me with what seemed to be our feet, hips and shoulders in contact. I recall shaking and shuddering physically, and it seemed that E****** had lain next to me twice with some sort of break or interruption in between. I don’t recall any verbalizations from E******, or any direct vision of animals or guides.



Fragments Blown Back into Head and Heart

Somewhere within the journey, E****** blew soul fragments back into my head and heart. I didn’t recognize what these were but they didn’t feel foreign or unusual. I believe I shed many tears, hot streaming tears throughout the process, before and after receipt of the fragments. I am certain my physical body was undergoing extensive reorganization and vividly recall extensive vibrations over and within my entire structure. Most prominent was a massive long duration wave of vibration across the cheeks of my face. I remember feeling the sensation was natural, core and something I had known and experienced before. I absolutely did not want the sensations to lull or terminate.


Returning from Elsewhere

I know I resisted returning, the vibrations and state of bliss and grace, of connection was incredibly alluring. Why did I return, could I not have remained as a mush of fleshless energy on the floor in the Mayan turquoise heaven for eternity? Would this have been rejection of life, of creative potential and selfish?

I don’t recall a callback drumming sequence but do remember being asked by E****** to sit up. As I sat up, I opened my eyes and rivers of emotional release flowed down my face and I was certain I wouldn’t yet be able to speak as my cheeks continued to oscillate as if tuning forks were near them. Beyond inability to speak, there was no desire as words aren’t powerful or descript enough to express the feelings I experienced.



Embraced, Soft Touch of the Sacred Feminine

E****** welcomed me back and we all sat together and she taped the conversation. She invited me to speak and I symbolically indicated I wasn’t yet with a voice.

As my vibrations and emotions settled, ability to softly speak returned with support of sips of water.

I expressed that I was aware that I was told to sever my connection and that I had then chosen to sever my connection. These were things I knew without knowing details. I had chosen in a defensive posture to be distant, to extract myself from life, to be dead. It seems the details are not important, the concept is. With each dark night of the soul experienced, we have the opportunity to grow or decay and the process may be consciously decided. This is akin to victimhood, we may choose to observe disconnected or be engaged with our life and our love.

E****** shared her profound amazement that she didn’t perform my soul retrieval, but that I had. She indicated at first her ego had become bewildered that I had come to her and yet I was doing the work. I was curious, without active recall of much of the experience, and that I hadn’t visualized finding a guide. She continued to detail that when she understood what was happening that she instructed me to take my black panther with me and proceed on the journey. In fourteen years of engagement in Shamanism, E****** hadn’t encountered a similar occurrence.

She noted that I was chosen as a medicine man / shaman and that it would be for me to determine how to proceed forward. I had full amazement and searched within for recall of the memories of the journey to balance the received information. I also felt a pull of the ego to celebrate some special selection and a somber recognition that peace for me may be found in some form of service including the sacrifice of past attachments and comforts.

She warmly narrated her visions of the female guide, the ‘beloved’, that manifested. She described her as a young woman from India with a snow white silk scarf and indescribable colored clothes. I shared that what I felt was pure softness, tactile impressions and not visual.

E****** detailed the process for me to retain and strengthen the connection found. The four elements for communion with my guide are to tell her how I feel, what I need, what my wounds are and how I feel separated from source.

E* noted that I have often advanced spiritually and then set the work aside.

E****** also recommended that I investigate crow medicine with such powerful symbols having crossed both of paths in synchronism.

E****** invited us to take flowers and to perform a ritual with them in celebration of the day and to hold the energy going forward. We ate a small snack and embraced with hugs on departure.


Playful Afternoon

E* and I drove back towards home and we stopped for cigarettes. We encountered a treasure trove of fancy wood cigar boxes for sale in the store and rummaged through them for a long pleasant while, selecting the best for a variety of creative projects.

We then went to Indian and Korean markets and procured exotic foods with each location having unique energy and feel.

We returned home and cooked a seaweed soup together and celebrated our friendship and the day. I was fortunate to have E* participate and our friendship is a miraculous gift in my life. She gave me the pieces that fell from her medicine bag and I’ll add them to the flower I intend to save as tokens of the day and experience


Reintegration and Reflections Forward

In the following days, I have experienced swirling raw emotions and also more firm footing and a sense that further balance and harmony are developing. Tears flow easily, and often.

I know that one of the powerful messages is to continually discharge the emotions that we all encounter. This requires conscious effort and awareness that we are all really one, connected to each other and the same source, and the source is us, within us, of us and greater than us, a trinity – father, son and holy ghost / above, within and below / mind, body and spirit. We are like trees with roots in the earth and branches extended outward and above, we are the bridge between heaven and earth. We are sacred.


Walking the Path

To be determined, consciously!

[Captain Obvious]

Wow, well written & interesting to read, thanks for sharing!

I've read about one shaman explaining soul retrieval as gathering back soul pieces, where an fragmentation might have happened due to one or more heavy/hard experiences. Does this resonate with your experience?

[Zynox]

CO,

Absolutely spot on my friend, in my experience. Things like child abuse, relationship heart-break and trauma, sexual abuse, any strong attachment that is severed ...

In my case, I recall being a boy of six and was a little quicker to get my schoolwork done in class than most, and turned to being a class clown, as might be common for we Leos (both points quick and looking for attention, full of excess fire energy)?

The teacher, burned in my psyche, was named Mrs. Mendenhall ... she shoved me under her desk and then sat in the chair and while initially in fright and humiliation, I moved beyond those emotions to become incensed with the injustice. I recall the wrinkled pantyhose ensconcing her chubby ankles, I remember the black shoes that smelled disciplinary, ahhhh ... yet now, I am not sure the imprint is flushed, but I feel I remember without emotion, no fear, no disgust, no compassion either, I have not advanced there, so maybe something lingers, I don't hate or even dislike, just haven't pulled myself up to compassion for her ....

Then I remember walking home, in blue overalls, taking the note out, putting it back in my pocket, reading it, feeling ashamed of the certificate of badness that I was forced to have my parents sign, and it was the longest walk of my life, lasting eons, distortions of time ... for a boy, of six.

This was one of several points of impact, though I don't have a handle on which fractured my soul, and which components have re-integrated, I don't 'bother' with those details, which are tags, labels, Cartesian coordinates, for me ...

~ namaste ~

[Captain Obvious]

Thanks for sharing the story, Zynox. I really do enjoy reading about what other spirits have experienced.

One of my two best friends is a Leo. When sitting on an old crappy chair he can make it feel like he's sitting on top of the world, in a humorous way, and yeah, recognize the fire, which I like. He uses it to get things done.

My incarnation is a Capricorn with Libra rising (and of course all the other important placements). A lot to work with, but fortunately advancement helps. I can outweird my other best friend (Aquarius) which is a lot of fun. But, yeah, I'm often impressed by the progressive nature of that sign. Well, guess every sign has its pros and cons.

About the compassion. I'm out on the icy field in between the polarities, and I'm trying to balance it out in my life, and it's confusing at times. Having had phases in my life where one was darker, and the other one lighter, I'm starting to appreciate not being on the extreme side of either one. I will for example use power to defend myself, as I don't want to be a victim. Nor do I want to be a victimizer, so if I dish out too much, then I'm still in the loop, and I don't like that. I have a few people that I dislike because they've tried to hurt me, and still act shady. I don't get love and lighty with them, because I don't condone what they've done, or how they still are. But I don't hate them. That's way too tiresome and extreme. At the end of the day, I think our Higher Selves are friends outside this game of experience.

[Olam]

Zynox, I had some soul retrieval done on me 2 years ago and I am not the same person anymore. I used to feel completley empty inside...not anymore. Imagine, I had lost a piece at birth and another at 6 months old!, and 6 other ones later...

This was done by a Shaman in Arizona, long distance....I then had a one hour conversation on the phone which validated lots of problems in my life.

I reccomend this procedure as it is very powerful, just make sure you use a qualified Shaman to do the job.

Zynox, thanks for detailing your account, it was a great to read.
Olam

Laid bare... you said, did and are! Grateful to feel grateful this morning, to feel anything. And am moved toward this retrieval, to gether my self back. It's like you are telling my story... "often advanced spiritually then to set the work aside". The fragmented me was alarmed recently in this wooded area of which I have yrs of experience, never had I heard such a commotion of ravens for many minutes, several harrassing ONE predator bird,a falcon... it had my full attention as my older brother was in my company saying not to worry as tho he knew it, had heard it before, but I could not ignore. I am honed toward this retrieval of which you speak as though the answer is come. As I light an 'american spirit'.

I am reminded of "German New Medicine" ... with today's technology, the brain can be mapped... physical evidence manifested in the brain itself which can lead to physical illness unless. Restoration, consolidation: ... 'the anxiety caused by the loss of confidence in one's mind & body will disappear'... sort of a reverse engineering, the area of the brain affected indicates the part of the body affected, its manifestation of illness, much success with cancer. We, while paying attention, intuit this... to seek healing. Often times we cannot put our finger on exactly what aspect in particular needs the undoing... I am open to assistance. Shirley

[Zynox]

Originally Posted by EpiphaMe

Laid bare... you said, did and are!

As I light an 'american spirit'.

Naked is good, except in colder climates! I too, smoke a spirit, as I reply.

One of the funniest moments in my life was when I told my mother I was studying shamanism, and she was stunned without words, as she LATER explained she had heard me say Dominism, which spell check indicates is not a word, though in reflection, perhaps, shamanism is one path to address BDS&M of the soul. I DUNNO!.

~ namaste ~