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Old 01-26-2010, 04:15 AM   #1
AscendingStarseed
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Default Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

It was so surreal...listening to Mike Malloy on the radio read the following letter written by Rush Limbaugh. I couldn't believe what I was hearing....but it sounds like he actually has a conscious that's been speaking back to him, telling him he's been a pathetic human being who has caused great harm to this country with his constant visceral hate, fear mongering and race baiting. Betcha it's not enough to get him to change his evil ways...


weird, think he's getting close to meeting his maker and is having regrets?!


I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore
by Rush Limbaugh
http://www.theonion.com/content/opin...nt_to_be_alive

I know there are a lot of people out there who are upset about some of the things I've been saying on my radio program lately. My comments about the situation in Haiti have hurt and angered many Americans who genuinely care about the plight of the Haitian people, and that hurt and anger will likely never go away. Many of you are probably wondering, "What would compel a human being to say things like that?" Well, here's your answer: I am a very bad person. And, to tell you the truth, I don't really want to be alive anymore.


Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I've made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I'm doing as "living," exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it's all horse****. Complete and utter horse****.


I don't enjoy that stuff. I don't enjoy anything. I don't even want to be here. The sadness and regret I feel every waking hour of my life is absolutely unbearable. I am a miserable pig and I do not want to exist.


The irony is that, even if I did die, the hell I would surely be sent to could not possibly be any worse than the bottomless pool of excrement I already paddle around in like some demented, ****-covered walrus. In fact, every time I hear my voice coming through the headphones I nearly gag, and I think, "What the **** am I doing?" Why would I say that Michael J. Fox is faking his Parkinson's symptoms? Why would I find it funny to play a song called "Barack the


Magic Negro"? Why would I tell people not to give aid to Haiti?


What the **** is wrong with me?


I live in constant terror and that terror informs my every word, thought, and action.

See, the thing is, I honestly cannot control the bilious hatred and filth that oozes out of my mouth. I want to—believe me, I want to—but I can't. And every time I speak, a tiny voice inside my head is screaming, "Stop talking, you stupid, insensitive *****. JUST STOP ****ING TALKING. All you do is spread hate and fear, and the world would be a better place without you, you worthless, amoral, co********* ****face."


What I should really do is just commit suicide. I have this little Sunday ritual I started around the time I publicly compared the torture at Abu Ghraib to a fraternity prank, where I climb into my Jacuzzi and put a gun in my mouth. But I can never work up the guts to pull the trigger. A few times I came close to overdosing on prescription pain pills, but my goddamn doctors were always there to save me. If I had any sense, I would just hole myself up in a Red Roof Inn with a case of Jack Daniel's and slowly drink myself into the gaping maw of death itself.


But what can I say? I guess I'm just too much of a fat ****ing pussy to follow through.

You know what? I wish someone would just kill me. I'm serious. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Oh my God, how can you say such a thing? You can't print that in a newspaper!" But see, I don't care anymore. I've cried my tears. I've battled my demons, and I've lost. It's over. It's all over. The only thing left for me to do now is just go away. Have I even once contributed a single ounce of good to humanity? Put me out of my misery. I wouldn't make a fuss. I wouldn't even humiliate myself by saying goodbye. For the first time in my odious, pitiful life, I'd accept my fate with quiet dignity.


Then I wouldn't have to live with my wretched, wretched self. Oh, the release.

I've imagined my death a thousand times over, and it's always the same. In my mind's eye, a serene setting comes into view. I see a funeral procession driving down some small-town Main Street in Nowheresville, U.S.A. On one side of the street, a collection of sycophants and morons are paying their respects in subliterate, sanctimonious tones. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, I can just make out the faint image of a young boy, his brow furrowed in confusion, clutching the hand of his father. "Who is that man, Daddy?" he asks as the hearse containing my bloated, lifeless body rolls by. "Who is that person they speak of?" The father will then lower his head and say, "There, my son, go the remains of Rush Hudson Limbaugh, the most abominable lump of festering dog **** in the history of American broadcasting. May the likes of him never again soil or tarnish the greatness of our fair country."


Please forgive me, everyone. I am so sorry.

Last edited by Karen; 01-26-2010 at 08:11 AM. Reason: Earlier, added parody to the title of the thread to get people to notice this was from The Onion
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:29 AM   #2
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

amasing a man like him, who has made millions

and, people like me, and, others just like me

with viable solutions, and, NO MONEY to get the information out there

it all ****ing sucks !!!
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:30 AM   #3
THE eXchanger
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

when are these fat cats, going to help, people like me/and, us ???

(they can send a donation to (workingwonders@aol.com)

we could put the interest only, on their money to 'good work' !!!
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:34 AM   #4
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

Comment Removed

Last edited by JudgeMental; 01-26-2010 at 04:58 AM.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:37 AM   #5
joe2288
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Arrow Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

Hmm. I think know that he has nothing to loose or believes he has nothing to

loose maybe he can turn to the light and sponsor new age ideas lol somebody

should write him. I feel bad though just shows you a person can have all

the money and fame and still live a unhappy life. I wonder what type of impact

we could put on the world if we had the funding and contacts to get our

information to the masses.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:40 AM   #6
orthodoxymoron
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

If Rush hadn't been so divisive and nasty...people wouldn't have given him the time of day...and he would've never become so filthy rich and famous. Shame on Rush...but shame on us, too. I used to listen to Rush every day during the Clinton presidency...and he always presented logical arguments...but the underlying nastiness was never far away. I hope we will see and hear a kinder and gentler Limbaugh...who will promote true Compassionate Conservatism.

Namaste

Last edited by orthodoxymoron; 01-26-2010 at 05:09 AM.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:42 AM   #7
carriblu
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

i think this is a joke... an over exagerated fake apology
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:45 AM   #8
Karen
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

Ah HELLO - that was from The Onion - a parody

The Onion got me the first time someone posted one of it's pieces without explanation.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:47 AM   #9
clarkkent
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

jeez guys, is everyone so gullible here? no wonder i hear a lot of poo repeated as fact. everyone please brush up on their discerning skills here, and do a little bit of digging before you spread something you havent researched.

the ONION is SATIRE.


-clark
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:51 AM   #10
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

this should be a wake up call to people who believe some of the s-h-i-t that is posted in this forum, and really any forum. your average joe regurgitates sensationalistic garbage and does zero fact checking or research.

sorry if this comes off as harsh but come on, wow.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:52 AM   #11
Karen
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

The Onion is an American news satire organization. It features satirical articles reporting on international, national, and local news as well as an entertainment newspaper and website known as The A.V. Club. It claims a national print circulation of 690,000 and says 61 percent of its web site readers are between 18 and 44 years old.[2] Since 2007, the organization has been publishing satirical news videos online, as the "Onion News Network".[4]

The Onion's articles comment on current events, both real and imagined. It parodies traditional newspaper features, such as editorials, man-on-the-street interviews, and stock quotes, as well as traditional newspaper layout and AP-style editorial voice. Much of its humor depends on presenting everyday events as newsworthy items, and by playing on commonly used phrases, as in the headline, "Drugs Win Drug War."

A second part of the newspaper is a non-satirical entertainment section called The A.V. Club that features interviews and reviews of various newly released media, and other weekly features. The print edition also contains restaurant reviews and previews of upcoming live entertainment specific to cities where a print edition is published. The online incarnation of The A.V. Club has its own domain, includes its own regular features, A.V. Club blogs and reader forums, and presents itself as a separate entity from The Onion itself.
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Old 01-26-2010, 04:59 AM   #12
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Default Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

take the "parody" off the title , people should see the level of scrutiny the people who post here are using, both the poster and the responders did zero investigation.

its no wonder disinformation is so readily believed.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:03 AM   #13
joe2288
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Arrow Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by clarkkent View Post
take the "parody" off the title , people should see the level of scrutiny the people who post here are using, both the poster and the responders did zero investigation.

its no wonder disinformation is so readily believed.

yea this is unfortunately true and there is allot of disinformation that sometimes

works its way in here sometimes it's obvious other times its not.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:12 AM   #14
AscendingStarseed
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by THE eXchanger View Post
when are these fat cats, going to help, people like me/and, us ???

(they can send a donation to (workingwonders@aol.com)

we could put the interest only, on their money to 'good work' !!!
Unfortunately they don't operate on that level, it's about taking...not about giving. They are vampires that suck the life and good energy out of everything that crosses there path...

It's easier for him to feel self loathing and pity, to sit there with a gun in his mouth and blow his brains out on the wall is a lot easier than feeling compassion, or a sense of generosity to help others who are less fortunate.

Money, power and greed has corrupted his soul...and he knows it. Anyone who desires to make $40 million...or is it $400?...a year should read his letter. I think I'll stay where I'm at...at least I can sleep with myself.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:13 AM   #15
mkspllmn
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by carriblu View Post
i think this is a joke... an over exagerated fake apology
Just one more ruse to make us think "they" are sincere.

When he starts calling for an end of the federal reserve in earnest, I will reconsider.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:16 AM   #16
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Default Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

You make a good point Clark. I consider Avalon to be a resource for possibilities and probabilities...rather than hard proven facts. But I am curious...what do you consider to be ultimate truth...and where should I look to find it? I'm really not being sarcastic. You seem to be a very discerning person.

Namaste
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:19 AM   #17
clarkkent
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by mkspllmn View Post
Just one more ruse to make us think "they" are sincere.

When he starts calling for an end of the federal reserve in earnest, I will reconsider.
what does that even mean?

is ANYONE awake? its not a RUSE to make anyone think "THEY" anything, its a fugging JOKE ala saturdaynight live.

wow
and wow
again

i should reconsider even perusing these forums if this is indicative of people brains.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:20 AM   #18
AscendingStarseed
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by joe2288 View Post
I wonder what type of impact

we could put on the world if we had the funding and contacts to get our

information to the masses.
That's what so sad, or scary about Rush...he has so much and influence with sooo many people, but he's a tool for the corporate masters. Completely bought and sold, he's controlled by the corporations that pay his check. Remember he's paid a lot of money by SOMEONE...no one is going to pay anybody that much money if they aren't good at selling their product. So who is he working for and what are they paying him to do?

Destroy America and drive us into a civil war by inflaming the willfully ignorant?
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:22 AM   #19
mkspllmn
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by clarkkent View Post
what does that even mean?

is ANYONE awake? its not a RUSE to make anyone think "THEY" anything, its a fugging JOKE ala saturdaynight live.

wow
and wow
again

i should reconsider even perusing these forums if this is indicative of people brains.
I think if you read carefully you will see I agree with you.

But I don't think it is a joke. Do you know what a "ruse" is? It is a parody. A farse. A misdirection. Smok'n'mirrors.

I know it makes you angry. But, as in the in the words of Yoda: "Let go of your emotions, Luke."

I think we are on the same page, please, don't divide the group unnessessarily!

Last edited by mkspllmn; 01-26-2010 at 05:31 AM.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:28 AM   #20
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Default Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by AscendingStarseed View Post
It was so surreal...listening to Mike Malloy on the radio read the following letter written by Rush Limbaugh.
If this Malloy guy thinks The Onion is real news, he does not deserve the title of journalist. I can understand that you fell for it AscendingStarseed, but a news writer with CNN, come on!
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:28 AM   #21
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Default Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by orthodoxymoron View Post
You make a good point Clark. I consider Avalon to be a resource for possibilities and probabilities...rather than hard proven facts. But I am curious...what do you consider to be ultimate truth...and where should I look to find it? I'm really not being sarcastic. You seem to be a very discerning person.

Namaste
heres the answer

ITS NOT ON THE INTERNET.


after every book ive read, philosophy,metaphysics, lectures, physics, political documentaries, spiritual teachings

all of it boils down to dont be an a-s-s hole and treat people well be a good person and get along with others.

there you have it, thats why were here and its the one thing we havent been able to do for thousands of years.

in the end UFO's conspiracy, demonic possestion, wars in heaven, cloning, illuminatti blah blah blah

its just entertainment in the school of "do unto others" if you can get through life as a good person and treat people right then your getting the point of existence. its not what you know its what you do and how you treat people and things. while everything else is very interesting it doesnt matter, who cares if you can move things with your mind, bi locate travel to other worlds, or even knowing about all that-- if you cant even master getting along with others.

pretty easy eh?

-clark
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:33 AM   #22
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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I used to listen to Rush every day during the Clinton presidency... I hope we will see and hear a kinder and gentler Limbaugh...who will promote true Compassionate Conservatism
Sorry Ortho, there's no such thing as Ccmpassionate conservatism..that was a myth created by the same right wing Christian fundamentalist who drove the economy off a cliff and have stripped the country of funding for desperately needed social programs.

I doubt we will see a kinder, gentler limbaugh...sounds like he was having a moment of consciousness that will flounder as soon as he cashes his next paycheck. Somebody pays him to keep the ratings up, how does he do that? By saying things that are outrageous whether they're right or wrong, or whether they hurt someone or not.

He's paid to destroy this country by the same filth that will try to vote itself back into office next year. If they help drive the country off a cliff now then next term the voters will turn to them for help...thinking it was Obama's fault.

He's a typical sociopath with absolutely no concsious...they never change.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:37 AM   #23
mkspllmn
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Default Re: Parody "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

If its not on the internet, it is'nt real.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:38 AM   #24
metaw3
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by clarkkent View Post
its a fugging JOKE ala saturdaynight live.


There's no comparison with SNL. The Onion is in a higher league.
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:39 AM   #25
clarkkent
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Default Re: "I Don't Even Want To Be Alive Anymore" Rush Limbaugh

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Originally Posted by AscendingStarseed View Post
I doubt we will see a kinder, gentler limbaugh...sounds like he was having a moment of consciousness that will flounder as soon as he cashes his next paycheck. Somebody pays him to keep the ratings up, how does he do that? By saying things that are outrageous whether they're right or wrong, or whether they hurt someone or not.

He's a typical sociopath with absolutely no concsious...they never change.
doooooooooooooooooooood

seriously, read what others have written, the onion is a satirical newspaper, that was written by a random writer of theirs NOT LIMBAUGH

he wasnt having a "moment of consciousness "

ill type this in caps for you sir RUSH DIDNT WRITE IT- ITS A SATIRICAL PIECE OF FICTION....otherwise known as a JOKE.

pleeeeeeez read and understand this and stop carrying on like this poo is real.

if you want to talk about rush being a douche thats fine but please acknowledge that the article ISNT real nor written by R.L

-clark
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