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Old 12-20-2009, 04:08 AM   #1
yellowcosmicseed
Avalon Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 26
Red face How does one deal with the 'boredom' of existence?

WARNING: LOW LEVEL VIBRATION LINGERS HERE. (PLEASE TOLERATE MY DISTURBANCE.)

I am facing a certain dilemma: I believe that the divine plan is boring and worthless.

(I do suffer from affects of child neglect/abuse and am suspected to be on the autistic spectrum and I want to know if this is a factor to why I have been having the ponderings/conclusions/feelings that I have recorded here.)

Okay lets begin:

Everything began with nothingness/nonexistence (empty space), and then this became aware of itself and it manifested the great I AM. This led to the manifestation of all things that could possibly exist. This was accomplished through the appearance of light and vibration. Everything is made of vibration, and vibration is formless. This is how something comes out of nothing, the nothing uses vibration (made of formlessness) and condenses it to make something. So form is only merely the movement that lingers in the infinitive expanse of space/nonexistence. The purpose of the creation of form is for the 'One' to disidentify itself from all labels and things to go back to the peace state of 'Nonexistence'. Evil, suffering, and trial is used to progress the One back to the Peace state.

This is when I get depressed. Our existence is meant only to experience and combat evil?

I know the state of love and increased consciousness is great, but to what purpose? I totally despise the state of evil/suffering, but now I am getting distressed with the state of loving consciousness.

When an entity grows and evolves in loving consciousness then does that entity get to experience the joy of the feeling of being present in all possible experiences? When I get to that point in my train of thought I get an ugly feeling, because I then come to believe that the only mission of an entity of love consciousness is to go on its mission to combat other evils and guide others entities in their evolution. FOr some reason that sounds boring to me.

I want to have fun and joy in experiencing the many creations. But for some reason I think about how that joy does not bring true fulfillment.

I feel that the growth in loving consciousness only leads to unfulfilling glutonny of paradise and of the boring mission of combatting evil and guiding others in evolution. But the thing is I also despise service to self, because service to self and evil leads to never feeling fulfilled and eventually destroying one's self. I feel that existence is too boring. Increasing awareness of other realities feels unfulfilling to me, because they all hold the same trial of overcoming evil, in which I think that the overcoming of evil is also a boring feat.

Do I got the right picture here? Bear with me.

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