[SteveX]

Peace of Mind

Here's something i posted on a different forum (23 dec 09). It's with reference to dieing for others.

I have been severely ill for a few years. It was consistently incorrectly then under diagnosed. On January 15th this year (2009) I had 3 days to live if I didn't have emergency surgery. Now! being the all action hero that I am death is an old friend. Of the 6 chats we've had I've paid him off with 16 broken bones and 4 feet of scars. Play twilight zone music... got a disability this day 23rd Dec 1985. Still got me leg though (Shywolf..chicks dig scars)

So...3 days eh. I have a choice. You may think that as a no brainer. As it goes I had a lot of things going on. Now! my wife is a good un. Deserves a meddle for action above and beyond the call of duty as a loyal wife. This left me with a conundrum. Throughout my suffering she suffered. One income and expired savings and expired state benefits. The deepest financial problems.

I've seen her crying so many times as I've rolled around in absolute agony. Her suffering became the greater of my sufferings. So what to do? " take arms against a sea of troubles And, by opposing, end them". I was thinking of leaving so she didn't have to endure my suffering but she figured it out. After a chat my honour was to some degree assuaged. "tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." But here I am. At a stage where I'm spending more time unconscious than awake and the clocks ticking. Having been to the other side of mortality I could just shut my eyes "and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache " Karen wouldn't know I let myself die but she'd be so unhappy. However, once unconcious the doctors would probable go behind my back and have my wife sign the consent forms... and she would sign.

So reasoning things out, "slings and arrows", I survived and have since had more surgery. I have been pronounced fit and well for work. We're still skint but we have each other.... for better or worse she keeps saying. This year 2010 I intend to get a job, start from scratch and spend the rest of my life with my wife. Hopefully along the way I'll provide her with some pleasantries before my old friend calls again.