Jeez, I am relieved to read all these posts, bc I have not been able to
stand myself for the past week, it's a validation to see I am not alone. I feel like I am
disappointing myself for having these feelings surface that I thought I had LONG ago processed; didn't think I had it in me anymore to react in sarcasm and snap at ppl. But no, it's in there, and it's vibrating to the surface so we can let it sift out, right? 6 weeks of this? oh goodie
My bad memories have to do with the way I treated myself, didn't trust myself, felt like a bad person for saying something, not being who I was meant to be, I suppose. Being small, not Big. I have made amends to others long long ago, so now I am surprised that my anger is toward me. Yes, I too want to be further along and am frustrated lately.
Yes, dreams have taken on these epic proportions, and I have not been lucid in them for the last week; all these themes of being in a very small group of people who are walking the Earth after some kind of event that has taken most everyone off the planet. Certain of us are exploring empty homes, and I find little trinkets of their lives, and I see how different I have lived.
This morning a dream in the same setting - hardly any people left on the planet, I find a group of people who join together. We are in a car going against the flow of traffic - there are four lanes travelling toward us and we somehow avoid collision. I find in an empty house a bunch of crystal instruments shaped like magnifying glasses - When you hold them up to eye-height, there are noticable different colored geometric shapes that come to life on the magnifying glass and stimulate the brain and create an internal ripple. Most can't view them without too much anxiety. These, I need to keep, I think.
I felt that this mood I have been in is part of some process; I don't go backwards to re-live things, I just send it intention and let it transform to the best of my ability; and ask for help in this endeavor.