Re: Last Post- Avyakyam Symbol
I guess ill have to be quiet too. Much as that will please many and lessen the
controversy here on these pages. Ill miss all of you.
Even you, Baggy!
I don’t talk about my personal problems on here. I come here often to see
whats going on, other peoples take on issues and every once in awhile
someone posts a killer link about something that either has a different slant
or is wholly new to me. Money is unfortunately a huge personal problem with
me right now. I’m not home; I’m with my husband while he travels for work.
He has been laid off, on and off since February of this year. We have been all
over the country to sign books looking for work, as he is a Union Electrician
so when it gets as bad as it did in Michigan, that’s what you have to do. You
have to sign each local’s book in person. It’s new to us, being laid off. He had
never been laid off for more than two months previously. It wasn’t a pleasure
trip by any means. We slept in a lil old geo that incidentally broke down
twice, ate once a day and snacked on freebies where available, bargained for
cheap rates on motels when we just couldn’t stand another night without a
shower and stretching out full. It was a rough road trip but I did see so much
and met many wonderful awakened people all the way to west coast and
back. I actually saw a moose, so close on the side of the road grazing I could
have reached out and touched her. I saw a porcupine! In real life! I
witnessed chem spraying without a plane, I saw a cold rain forest, so
breathtakingly beautiful words are ill equiped to describe the majesty,
mystery and green goodness of the place. Petunia's the size of dinner plates
in June. June! Mine were maybe as big as a half dollar by then. I felt the
grand California sunshine on my head and went blonde in bout two minutes, I
saw generational never ending poverty on reservations and felt in some areas
a deep foreboding and darkness of spirit I am still uncormfortable with when I
recall mile after mile of this land. Custer should have known better. Miles of
railroads in the desert with car after car loaded with military vehicles,
equipment, and much of it I could not find online to have a refference for.
Semi tractor trailors with even more military stuff for mile after mile. You cant
pump you own gas in Oregon. How weird! We got out to do it but were
always beat to the pump. There are still vast tracts of unihabited land.
Unfortunately for us, when steady work did finally come it wasn’t soon
enough for the bank whom we had tried to keep informed, filled out all their
requested papers three times, etc. We have fought the good fight, but have
gotten too far behind to save our home from foreclosure. The bank filed very
shortly after 90 days. My home was a hideous neglected Georgian style heap
but I loved it and it was a bargain at the price we got it for. Even still today
after a changed economy. I have looked for twenty years and found nothing
better, noting more achingly regal, a grand old dam in a threadbare gown,
once beautiful with the promise of what could be again if someone would love
her, than this home. We were going room to room restoring, arguing, undoing
mistakes made by others before us, working till we were numb on the yard
that was piled with garbage, researching techniques and historically accurate
examples of others similar efforts. Back breaking work. It was the happiest I
have ever been. I am deeply wounded by the callous disregard of the banks
for people that have lived through the worst year we have ever had
regarding finances. We didn’t have an arm reset; we don’t have big credit
card debt. We don’t even have car loans. We went in clean for a 30 year
fixed at 6.25. We are not irresponsible people, nor too young for the
responsibility, or ill equipped, but are living in extraordinary times.
I told you all that not for sympathy. It s a sad story and it’s why I don’t
mention things like this here. Please don’t pity me, don’t pay for me. I am
pathetic enough to have humbled myself here tonight, airing all my woes and
troubles for all to see that I don’t want someone’s charity to add to a never
ending list of things to try to forget about 2008. I don’t want anyone to feel
sorry for me. I am like so many millions that have lost everything. My pride is
all I’ve left, and precious little that seems some days. Pity breeds contempt.
Hate me for me, because I’m a high tearing bitch, because I’m strong willed
and stubborn, because I argued with you on a thread you felt strongly about,
not because you see me as a pathetic weakened creature. Wounded I most
certainly am. Weak, I am not.
The reason I tell you my story is that I cannot justify money spent on this.
Every time I contemplate the cost I remember my half dressed Georgian lady
that ill not be able to go home to ever again and I am heart sick all over. I
just cannot justify the expense when I have had to be so thrifty to hold on
this long.
Since I will have to be silent soon I hope you can forgive this one last
outburst. I wish you all well, and will just say Good night for now.
Last edited by MMe M; 12-13-2008 at 08:21 AM.
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