[Moxie]

I'm not totally Healed... there is at least One blockage, certain, and a couple of other minor but necessary tweaks.

Have very recently come across assistance for that.

Like you, I was alive in the world, always cognizant of my spiritual hunger for truth, it was my primary focus, I recognized quite early (say, in my 20's) that my consciousness was unable to penetrate beyond a certain level, even though I had lots of experiences such as:

lucid dreaming (amazing dream recall, that lead to this other level)
out of body experiences (imposed, er rather not self promoted)
contact w/nefarious energies
contact w/joyous, assisting energies
serendipitous blings, often
rejecting organized religion although having powerful, Peak experiences

still, there was this "making a living' scenario, and, not a professional, but self educated, having parted a few serious relationships, was drowning in sorts, treading water just above making it thru the day in survival mode...which was a HUGE distraction... I too, aroused dependency on alcohol (a drug too) unaware that it had become a serious dependency until it stopped working.

but, serendipitously, my Soul/Spirit has amazingly been kept in line with what's happening.... Now, here we are, 2010, well it wasn't always so easy to feel included when you held certain understandings that were not easily voiced to others.... it was lonely back in the 80's to be involved w/the processing of extra sensories and such "fringe" experiences, but I always trusted them.

I am a former singer (well, I'm still good, but it's like singing in the kitchen type thing).. so I spent alot of time on stage... what a long story, I won't bore you.

So, I still have a "certain" blockage and it, to me, is not easily defined, but I know it's there. I do not have much recall of my young life, I still fall prey to self sabotage, howEVER I marvel too, that "stuff"< knowledge > makes its way to me without much effort.

But, effort it will take, I see that now, but at least I have Real guidance from this connection with Higher Self/Power/OverSoul/God/Guardians, whathaveyou. And, quite miraculously, I am in a situation where I do not have an outside job away from home, which I am so grateful for! But "work" here has developed in growing our own food, chickens for eggs and such, it's just amazing what has transpired the last 4 years! I have a wonderful tenant renting my house in a neighboring town.

Thanks for sharing your story as it does take responsible ownership of your life to speak so freely. I too, own the fact that I got lost into wasting a lot time groping to come to terms with this life that appeared to me to be so way off the mark of potential, I partied too much, which I am truly sorry about, but acceptance is a must in order to grow forward. But hey, nothing at all wrong with Fun Times... I had quite a flock following w/my singing and had a lot of passion to express.

I've also been cognizant that the physical body is having some interference, losing Chi energy, is how I'd describe it.. and I seem frozen in time to discern what it is that is happening. I've always taken quality food based supplements even when I drank too much, and ate a fairly good diet for many years now, which I realize goes against the idea of substance abuse, but it was true. I took great care that way. Spent a few years in deep research in many things, nutrition is one of them.

I have a wonderful mind and a few friends that "get me"... grateful for that but am prepared that even when it seems that I go it "alone", truly I am NOT alone.... comewhatmay... make sense?

Heartenings to All