[Brinty]

That spider was a bit of a shock to my system and left me with heart palpitations for a couple of days. I made an appointment to visit my doctor and she told me if I lost some weight, my palpitations would ease.

I saw this ad for a weight loss scheme where they came to your house and guaranteed at least a one kilogram loss on their $10 program in the first visit. I thought I'd give it a shot.

When I opened the door to a knock next morning, here was this gorgeous young woman wearing a bikini and a sign around her neck saying, "If You Can Catch Me, You Can Have Me." I didn't catch her, but I actually lost 2kg. I though I'd give their next plan a crack. The one that guaranteed a 5kg weight loss for $20.

Next morning there was another beauty standing at my door wearing just a bikini bottom and a sign sayimg, "Catch Me, And You Can Have Me." Once again, I didn't catch her, but I managed to get the bikini bottom off before I collapsed. This time I'd lost a further 7kg. Well, naturally I decided to try their ultimate plan where they guaranteed a 10kg weight loss for $50.

Next morning there was a banging on the door and standing there was a big bloke with great hairy arms like a spider, he was built like brick $hit house with a sign around his neck saying, "If I Catch You, Your Ar$e is mine!"

I hadn't realised how fast I could run until that moment.

How much weight did I lose, I don't know. When I stand on the scales, the pointer doesn't move and I feel permanently faint and light headed.