thank you all for such wonderful posts and reasoning.
one thing i do have realized is i am a very restless creature
and second thing with me everything becomes extreme.
the above two points are embedded in my dna if i may say so. being restless for me just means that i cannot stay on one thing for a long time. i just get bored very quickly no matter what i do or with what i have done uptill now in my life, like i always wanted to be in IT field and work as a network engineer which in itself is a very interesting job and you get to learn and do new things almost everyday but i got bored. i then started learning a bit of programming i learned a bit but again i got bored. i learned a bit of systems got bored again. you may not believe this but i learned a bit of accounting
but got bored again. just that kind of feeling that my soul is not at rest with all this and may be i need something else. may be this restless nature of me is still looking for something of value which actually satisfies my soul and then may be i can have peace.
and resulting from this with me everything becomes extreme. its like if i want something i will just go for it and if i dont want it i will never even look at it. if i am happy then i am the most happiest person in the whole world and i am sad then no one's grief is bigger then mine. you see all the extremes and nothing in between. but before atleast i used to like something and then go for it ofcourse till i again get bored of it and then get on to something else but nowadays its totally different. i do think of doing this and that like i wanted to start my own business and i really got excited and went for it and started planning and researching and then suddenly out of nowhere i felt no i dont want this its of no use, same way i thought i moving to other country and again i got excited and started collecting all the information for it and then suddenly i felt not worth it and these are just one or two examples for that.
this same thing now happens with each and every thing that i think i want to achieve or i think a normal person would want to achieve. its like my extremes are not working anymore. i am just stuck in between something and am not moving towards anything. just stuck thought i am trying my best to overcome it but trust me this feeling is bad it is really bad. it makes you
