[greybeard]

Hi again
If the Creator is rejected and that Love is allways available, then I have read that the soul goes to one of the lower astral realms, degrees of hell.

If this world is pergatorial then these places are many times worse.

Is there any chance you are suffering from depression?

I ask because I have felt similar to you.
Times I just couldent see the point of it all and felt unloved by God. I looked for oblivian in alcohol and paid a heavy price for that free will choice. A hell of my own making.
It was only when I had enough humility to ask for help that I got sober through AA and the God of my understanding.
If you are depressed see a Dr. or get help of some kind there is allways a way out of your own personal hell.

Best wishes
Chris