Quote:
Originally Posted by Mallys
First of all thank you so much for your post, i had a really great time reading it and appreciated your concern.
To answer your question i am 25 years old and yes i do feel young when it comes to matters like this one ^_^.
Unfortunatly i do not know what BDSM means so i couldn't understand what you said, i tried to google it and found some really weird things about it, not sure if it was what you meant but if it is i can assure you that it is not involved in any way. I can assure you i do not take any drugs or anti-depressant.
Concerning my avatar i can't really say but i really like it, i like the presence and style of the character shown on it but i do not identify myself to him. But i do wish i had that style lol but that's the kid in me talking ^_^.
When i was young i always felt different, not because i was rebellious or felt i did not belong, but i was able to feel and see things i couldn't understand, coming from a muslim family i was asked to pray and pray some more until it all gets better, i did not really believe at the time that praying would help me with what was happening. I could see "things" in my room, hear poeple talking in empty rooms and feel feeling that were not mine.
Many years later i met a person that is now a very good friend of mine who was able to answer some of my question, and even if he did not have any proofs or hard evidence, i believed him because i knew that what he said had part of truth. He helped me understand things about me and how to control it because it was eating me away. he was the one who told me i had dark energy and explained to me that concept.
I am now trying to learn how to meditate and understand better all those new concepts. Meditating is harder than i thought i have to admit ^_^ since i have a lung malfuncton and cannot breath normally (i do not have a respirator or anything of the sort).
Judykott i will gladly answer any of your questions if you have more of them, it will be my pleasure to keep exchanging words with you as i feel i learned a lot from your post ^_^.
I wish to ask Nancy something too, my friend and i wanted to ask you and your husband if you knew anything about the concept of : "patronage".
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Hi Mallys,
My husband is now 54 years old, but when he was young he had a lot of similar abilities that you describe about yourself and also other abilities you may have, but just have not been in a situation where you needed those abilities. He left home at age 16 to join the Army and go to Vietnam, where he fought for almost 2 years as a sniper/assassin in a special ops secret unit, from age 17-19. During those two years he escaped certain death many times, really almost magically. He's been blown out of helicopters, been in plane crashes, hit roadside bombs, was captured by the Vietcong and was a prisoner for about a week until he escaped after killing all his captors, and has many scars from being shot, stabbed and hit by shrapnel. The tribe of Hmung that he and his 10 man unit lived with named him Blackheart, and that is the code name he was known by in his next career for many years. Out of the 200 men that went over in this particular secret unit, only 9 returned. He was one of them.
After returning to the US he became an International counter terrorist agent for the government for quite a few more years. Many of his experiences were highly spiritual in nature, although one could argue that all experiences are spiritual, so we might say they were "paranormal".
I asked him just now about patronage and he said "why would I attach myself to a lesser being". His understanding of patronage is that when a person takes on or accepts a supposedly more experienced or "higher" entity (or person) as a patron, one is actually taking on a master. Then it becomes much like a religion. It is hierarchical in nature, as is religion, and both serve to disempower an individual by putting them in a subservient position, whether to a God or to a "higher" being. It also occurs to me that any being or person who wishes to BE a master or patron or God is also indulging in the hierarchical game, which basically makes him a "lesser" being, certainly a lesser evolved being.
I'm sure the vast majority of people will not understand that a man like my husband is an incredible balance between dark and light and not attached to or controlled by either one. I also realize that most will judge these abilities and people with dark energy from their own perspective, and if they are coming from an unbalanced perspective, whether from the light, from religion or from the dark, they will not truly understand what is being said. Basically I don't care what anyone else thinks and certainly my husband wouldn't care.
The interesting thing is that up until I met him I did not understand how much more powerful a BALANCE between light and dark is rather than just one or the other. I KNEW that the dark had great weaknesses but I thought the light was all powerful and I used the power of the light in all my travels in this world, and on other dimensions and other planes. I also used it in a job I had when I was in my mid 20's as an undercover government agent in Mexico and South America. Naturally I met some very nasty people and it was a great learning experience.
We have been married for almost 14 years now and I am very grateful to have had him as a teacher. He has helped me, not through any active "teaching", but by example and from his stories (which I had to drag out of him!). He would never attempt to change anyone because he is very detached about how anyone else lives their life. My guess is that we have helped to balance each other. He is much more mellow and loving and I am a lot more tough (although I was definitely more tough than most women I knew) and less obnoxious in my "new age" type interests.
As EpiphaMe says, a neutral position frees one from the control and constraints, both of which are traps, of either the light or the dark.
Nancy
ps: your avatar seems to suit you. My husband has his office full of skeleton heads, swords and knives with skeleton and dragon carvings and various gargoyles and other interesting creatures. The archetypical purpose for gargoyles and grotesque creatures is to ward off evil spirits.